How do I deal with this? - Page 2
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  1. #16

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    Hi I'm new here and hope you don't mind my commenting on your problem.
    If I were you, I would refuse to let him have her... period.
    He has no permanent address
    He has no phone of his own
    He has no car
    The baby must go to the doctor appts and being away from your child for six weeks is not good for the child. A young child should not be taken away from her mother for that length of time. She is too young to understand what's going on and it could be very confusing and upsetting for her.

    I would notify the authorties that you do not feel comfortable with the situation for these reasons.

    I'm betting the visit has less to do with him seeing the child and more to do with his parents having the child. Since he does not have a phone, a car or a residence of his own, why don't you speak with the court about switching his access to the child to his parents? Grandparent access would be much safer I think. They have a phone, a car and a residence... I assume.
    I would full out refuse the six weeks though, for anyone... at least until she is older and can understand the reason why she's being torn from her mother for such a long time.

    If he wants to pitch a fit and take you back to court, let him. He's behind on his child support... and he has no leg to stand on with his own personal situation as it is.

    I'm sending you good energies.

    HippieGal

  2. #17
    Founder Sara Noel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frugal Nurse View Post
    That's weird.
    What happened to my post? Must have been 'reported'.
    I wasnt flaming, swearing, or saying anything bad about anyone. Although I do recall not putting in my disclaimer! sheesh! See what happens!!


    mmy2grls, in "shouldn't I be happy" thread - you spoke of him not consistently visiting the child.

    So, I told you not to worry... he won't take the baby if he hasn't even the disire to see her regularly.

    I also told you ... that it's a tough thing to do.. I couldn't do it.

    But what ever made you seal that kind of the deal? And based on his past record you spoke of in other threads, it's unlikely he'll follow through on his end.

    And finally, if and when it happens- and you feel compelled to see the baby, just call him. I see now that he HAS no phone number.
    Not a thing a custodial parent should allow.
    He floats around ~ again not a custodial parent will allow either.
    It's not in the best interest of the baby.
    But if he's floating... how is his mother going to stay with him?

    Anyway. go ahead and flag this. I guess.
    I didn't touch your post. (said in an informational not defensive tone) It's possible it was posted and vanished while we're working on the forums. Occasionally a post gets lost.

  3. #18
    Registered User Frugal Nurse's Avatar
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    Sorry Sarah. hope I wasn't mean.
    I put a lot of thought in my original response. As a rule, I make sure I don't break any rules. But sometimes I can be a bit... 'sh*t or get off the pot' kind of attitude. And that can bother some people if they're not psychologically ready to hear it. I guess.

    mm2grls.
    you NEED to get this straightened out. This is not a good situation. I agree with the other posters, 6 weeks is too long for a 2 year old to be from her mother (I didn't know how old the baby was). You need to go directly to the courts and ask for hearing.

    Based on the reasons you said.
    He has no permanent address.
    the address that is listed on court papers is niece's address, but he doesn't live there.
    He has no phone
    He has no car.
    He has harmed you in the past.
    He has not paid child support.

    Whether his mother has all that stuff- DOESN'T matter! Why? Because she is not the one to visit.
    He is the one- therfore HE must have these inplace.
    six weeks is a long time to be floating around as a 2 year old.

    Exercise your custodial parental right and ask for a hearing.

    It's in the best interest of the CHILD! (although you will suffer if she goes.)


    If we could just have some testosterone advice here- dad_to_4? where are you?

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  5. #19
    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
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    How about contacting his mother, if she is someone you can have a reasonableconversation with and sending one of the -go- phones. As a mother she would probably understand your feeelings.

    Mine are 9 and 11 and I'd have a VERY hard time with them being gone for 6 weeks at a clip. Thinking of you here.

  6. #20
    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
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    Didin't really finish my reasoning in out in the last post.

    I also want to point out it may be "mom" pushing for the visit. If so, it might be pretty easy to change the visits around by talking with her. If my brothers, any of us really, ever were ok with not contacting or keeping up with our contact of one of our children I'm sure my mother would become a true harpey, making the adult truely miserable until things were in place for her to keep up contact with her grandchild. I would probably due the same with my kids.

  7. #21

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    I would not let your baby go because it sounds fishy. Get help ASAP.....It sounds like he is up to no good. Your will be my prayers.......

  8. #22
    Registered User mmy2grls's Avatar
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    problem is partially solved now. Instead of him taking my baby, his mother will be a guest in my home for 2 months this summer. He told me I could ask his mother so I called her. ALl she wants to do is spend time with her grandchild, she said she would be happy to spend all the time she can with her. My ex boyfriend will also come here to visit "when he can" so I assume he'll visit once while his mom is here.

    My sister in law is going to pay for a lawyer for me to write up papers, of course I will pay her back, so I can get visitations modified and all loopholes or anything not certain closed. She has a lawyer in mind so we can start something Tuesday.

    I appreciate all the thoughts and advice. This is to big for me to try to handle by myself anymore.

  9. #23
    Registered User Katybird's Avatar
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    I am glad that it is working out for you. My question is do you really like his mother well enough to have her in your home for 2 months this summer? Is she going to pay her part of the living expenses? Having another adult in the home for that amount of time will cost more in the form of added utilities, food etc... . I know that it a relief that your baby is not going to in an unstable environment for the summer though.

  10. #24
    Registered User cissylu's Avatar
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    glad your baby will be at your home. I would not have let my baby go.
    I want to wish you the best of luck.

  11. #25
    Registered User mmy2grls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katybird View Post
    I am glad that it is working out for you. My question is do you really like his mother well enough to have her in your home for 2 months this summer? Is she going to pay her part of the living expenses? Having another adult in the home for that amount of time will cost more in the form of added utilities, food etc... . I know that it a relief that your baby is not going to in an unstable environment for the summer though.
    I do not like his mother and she does not like me but we can be civil to each other. She will be a guest and i'll treat her like one and eat the extra expenses. It will be well worth it for her to visit us than to go through visiting bs

  12. #26
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
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    ARE YOU KIDDING? You get hardly no child support from the ex BUT you are going to allow his mother to stay with you for 2 months AND foot the bill, HEL* NO!

    My personal opinion : Dont be a pushover, I know you dont want you baby away from you but 2 months living with the ex's mother to whom you only get along with civily is CRAZY!

    No way in heck would I allow that UNLESS she paid her fair share, can you afford to do this? Think about all the HEL* you will be going through for 2 months AND I thought he was to have her 6 weeks, and the mother is now staying there for 2 months, you are getting jipped, your paying now for an extra person, he's actually getting almost 9 weeks of visitation and you are getting higher bills and a headache.

  13. #27
    Registered User mmy2grls's Avatar
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    That does sound nuts. I'm going to see how that lawyer can help me and get things straightened out before anything happens.

  14. #28
    Registered User mmy2grls's Avatar
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    update

    he has paid up past child support

    he does have summer visitation of 6 weeks supervised by his mom where i'll get her every other weekend . Friend of the Court has the correct address and phone number to where they will be staying here in Michigan. He has to contact me every other night from this phone number so I can hear the baby.

    I finally have someone on my side, the lawyer, to help me.

    I also arranged for my oldest to spend sometime with her grandparents so I can work, work, work and make us a lot of money so we can enjoy the end of summer together.

  15. #29
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    I'm glad you have things somewhat straightened out. It's extremely hard for people to sometimes understand that if you have a court order for your ex to see their child, you can't just say no. It doesn't work like that. I know how hard it would be not to see your hcild for 3 weeks (even if you get every other weekend). I hate my ex, I don't trust him but i have no choice but to allow visitation, COURT ORDERED. The minute he slips up, calls you from a different number, misses a call, document it and let your friend of the court know. Good luck with it all. Luckily, my ex sees my daughter about once every two weeks but wouldn't know waht to do with her for an extended period of time and she's 5.

  16. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by mmy2grls View Post
    He was visiting her at my house but I called the police on him last time, he broke my finger by crushing my cell phone shut. Still he didn't harm the baby so the court does not care.
    You went to the wrong court for this IMO. He broke your finger? Isn't that assault?

    And any guy that assaults a woman is scum IMO.

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