How to start divorce proceedings? - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User seattleLMP's Avatar
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    I can't say whether divorce is the right decision for you or not, but I can say I never regretted getting divorced. I only wish I had done it sooner than I did.

    I can confirm that you may not have a choice regarding child support, especially if you wind up needing some public assistance. I don't know if you have ever used assistance before, but as a fair warning it kind of sucks. I would do it again in a heartbeat if I needed to, but I hate it.

  2. #17
    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seattleLMP View Post
    I can't say whether divorce is the right decision for you or not, but I can say I never regretted getting divorced. I only wish I had done it sooner than I did.
    I agree 100%.

    Some of the stuff I read on the previous page, God help me. What year is this? Let's send women back to the frigging Ice Age because nothing says my kids will be healthy adults like "I was miserable but at least you didn't have divorced parents." Say what? Now we are going to encourage our daughters/sons to be miserable for a lifetime because a BS study says you will feel less lonely?

    This is the biggest crock of crap I have ever read. I only grabbed a few...

    * Married men make better fathers. They are more likely to provide guidance, role modeling, and financial support.

    They do? Then explain all the absent fathers, husbands who don't work, abusive etc etc

    * Marriage is good for most adults. As compared to single, widowed or divorced people, married people are healthier, have better sex lives, they engage in fewer high-risk activities such as substance abuse, they live longer and they are happier!

    Addicts come in every flavor & probably more if stuck in a relationship they feel trapped in...and I laugh at the sex life comment.

    * Depression is almost three times as prevalent in women who divorce once, and four times as prevalent in women who divorce twice than in women who have never divorced.

    In this day & age....who isn't depressed? I would CERTAINLY be depressed if I felt I couldn't leave a bad situation & I asked for help & was told to get counseling. Is leaving an abusive situation ok or does that need a trip to the therapist too?
    Last edited by LynnLC; 04-10-2014 at 09:42 AM.

  3. #18
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    I agree with Lynn and seattle. Please don't stay because you will be better off financially or are afraid of scarring the kids. I can find as many studies that show how children growing up in homes that stayed together "for the kids" were completely miserable and depressed drug addicts as well. My parents FINALLY divorced when I was 16. FINALLY.

    If you do decide to divorce, I think the first step is getting a job. You will need to start supporting yourself and your family. Good luck!

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  5. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by LynnLC View Post

    * Depression is almost three times as prevalent in women who divorce once, and four times as prevalent in women who divorce twice than in women who have never divorced.

    In this day & age....who isn't depressed? I would CERTAINLY be depressed if I felt I couldn't leave a bad situation!
    AGREE AGREE AGREE.

    I am certainly NOT saying that depression does not exist, but in the day and age of the internet, there is so much self diagnosis going on, in MY OPINION it has reached epidemic proportion. I can go on the internet, research depression, convince myself I have a few of the symptoms and within hours I can have anti-depressants by using a few buzz words at my doctor.

  6. #20
    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Someday someone is going to ask for advice about leaving a situation, they may leave out it's an abusive situation, victims usually do...Are we going to tell them to get counseling? To stay for the kids? They will be lonely, with no sex life? That's DANGEROUS.



    You are correct, Russ! It's everywhere.

  7. #21
    Registered User brenda67's Avatar
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    I put my opinion in here because I thought it would help the op see some things she might not have seen...outside advice can be valuable! If she has had enough well so be then and get the divorce..but..what she wants and what she thinks shes going to get can and will change when it comes to a divorce..imho..

    The grass might not always be greener on the other side.
    Wife to Keith
    Mom of 3 boys

  8. #22
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    Has the OP indicated that there is abuse in the marriage?

  9. #23
    Registered User kitkat0649's Avatar
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    If you apply for financial assistance, the state will file for a child support order if one is not already in place. In California at least, if you get cash aid, they will give you the first $50 of CS, then keep the rest up to the amount of aid given.

  10. #24
    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bonnotsm9 View Post
    Has the OP indicated that there is abuse in the marriage?
    No. I said "someday someone could"...

  11. #25
    Registered User CPA-Kim's Avatar
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    OP: I stand by my original post. Get a lawyer. Even if you work things out, you need to be aware of the many aspects of divorce in your State.

    Regarding depression and divorce: I was dx with major clinical depression, bad enough to require hospitalization, WHEN I WAS MARRIED. I am MUCH happier now that I am divorced.

    I've also seen MANY children who were victims in dysfunctional marriages and they grew up screwed up and not knowing how to relate to the opposite sex.

    Please do NOT guilt the OP into any option. I could provide many links on both sides of the argument. Ultimately, the OP is the only one who knows exactly what she is going through and that's why she needs to see a counselor and a lawyer, not depend on Frugal Village members to guide her.
    Kim
    The Lord will provide

  12. #26
    Registered User LynnLC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CPA-Kim View Post
    OP: I stand by my original post. Get a lawyer. Even if you work things out, you need to be aware of the many aspects of divorce in your State.

    Regarding depression and divorce: I was dx with major clinical depression, bad enough to require hospitalization, WHEN I WAS MARRIED. I am MUCH happier now that I am divorced.

    I've also seen MANY children who were victims in dysfunctional marriages and they grew up screwed up and not knowing how to relate to the opposite sex.

    Please do NOT guilt the OP into any option. I could provide many links on both sides of the argument. Ultimately, the OP is the only one who knows exactly what she is going through and that's why she needs to see a counselor and a lawyer, not depend on Frugal Village members to guide her.
    Nice post. Good advice.LIKE.

  13. #27
    Registered User FrabjousDay's Avatar
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    I'm not going to apologize for sharing the information in my previous post, but I will say that the information was in no way intended to be a "guilt trip". There are situations where divorce is absolutely the best option for all involved, and it may be the right option for the OP, we obviously don't know the details of a 16-year marriage. However, it's also a decision that impacts an entire family system in dramatic ways, and if there is a possibility that a marriage can be salvaged/repaired/reinvented, it makes sense to look at potential impacts, risks, benefits, etc. My post was intended to generate thoughts and questions, not to render any sort of judgement.

  14. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrabjousDay View Post
    I'm not going to apologize for sharing the information in my previous post,
    Nobody ever should apologize for sharing their thoughts in my opinion.

    Everybody's opinion and thoughts matter. Some may not like it, some may think it is spot on. It constantly baffles me to see someone voice their opinion and then get called out by others when that person has just as much right to post their thoughts and opinions as the next person.

    So, don't apologize, you have the right to post whatever you like within the forum guidelines.

    This goes for everybody, including those who respond to your posts.

  15. #29
    Registered User CPA-Kim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrabjousDay View Post
    I'm not going to apologize for sharing the information in my previous post, but I will say that the information was in no way intended to be a "guilt trip". There are situations where divorce is absolutely the best option for all involved, and it may be the right option for the OP, we obviously don't know the details of a 16-year marriage. However, it's also a decision that impacts an entire family system in dramatic ways, and if there is a possibility that a marriage can be salvaged/repaired/reinvented, it makes sense to look at potential impacts, risks, benefits, etc. My post was intended to generate thoughts and questions, not to render any sort of judgement.
    You shouldn't have to apologize for your opinion. We all have opinions, beliefs, and personal experiences. My only point was suggesting the OP get help from professionals in the necessary field.
    Kim
    The Lord will provide

  16. #30
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    it is really critical seem to me.

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