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  1. #16
    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    Zanne, honey, I know where you are coming from. Even though I was thrilled to be read of my ex, the day I signed the papers saying it was really truly over was very rough. I didn't want to be with him but I did not want to be divorced. For me I think it was more the idea of being divorced since I had always hoped to be married forever. I felt like I had failed, even though my ex was an abusive loser piece of poo who was also a serial cheater. (AHHHH I love to say that!) I also found out about some of the cheating after the divorce instead of before. He gives me no money, does not provide for the kids when they are at his place and does not properly supervise them. The exes are ALL scum, some worse than others but scum none the less.

    No one can tell you just to move on. It's a lovely concept, it sounds like great advice but there is so much more to it. You have to give yourself time to rage and rant. You have to make positive plans for yourself. You have to write down every miserable crappy nasty thing he ever did to you and read it every time you start to cave and think you wish you were still together. It will build your strength like nothing else, and sometimes it feels like it is going to kill you.

    But let me tell ya! It won't kill you and one day a year or so later you will wake up to a beautiful day of doing everything you want to do, watching what you want to watch on tv and eating what you want to eat for dinner. And you will be so happy you won't be able to stop smiling.

  2. #17

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    Today my ex called me. He felt the need to tell me that he is moving to Texas. That he needs to take care of himself. He is sick and tired of people making him out to be the bad guy. He said that means I will have to do everything myself and if that means I end up homeless with the kids then so be it. It comes to responsibilty.... he runs. Why are so many men like this??

    OH.....Then on top of all my drama.....I get a phone call from my ex-husbands best friend. A guy he has known since childhood. Ok where do I begin...he said he has had feelings for me for a very long time. All I can say is "oh,no I don't need this". I told him I can't deal with this and I am not looking for a relationship, yet alone with my ex-husbands best friend. Any advice?? How do I handle this situation???

  3. #18
    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    I know this sounds harsh, and I know this is not "right" in the grand scheme of "rightness" but you need to completely accept the fact that you will never get a dime from this irresponsible, self-centered loser and move on figuring out how you are going to raise your children on your own. By allowing yourself to need his financial and/or emotional support you are giving him the power to control your life, your finances, your emotions, and your stress level. Once you accept any input he may one day give as gravy, and refuse to depend on it, then that control is gone.

    Do you really want a self-centered, cheating liar who does not care about his children to have ANY control of your life? Of course you don't. I know this hurts and I know it makes you angry but you only have control over your actions and reactions - not his. No matter what you do or say, you won't "wake him up" and you cannot make him a decent father and human being. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go about the business of forgetting his existence. It is truly the best revenge there is when you no longer need them.

    As for the other guy, you are right, you don't need this right now. If he truly cares about you , he will understand if you tell him you need time to sort out your life and feelings. If he is not willing to provide that time, then count yourself lucky that you found out before investing any emoional effort into him whatsoever.

    Best of luck. I know that this is a hard time, and it seems like it will never stop hurting. It takes a long long time. Feel free to PM me if you want to rant to someone who has been there.

    Big hugs.

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