Finding a date after divorce
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  1. #1
    Registered User BlackstoneMama's Avatar
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    Default Finding a date after divorce

    Just curious, how do you meet people that you would potentially date after you've been divorced? I am leary to try online dating but friends say its great. I don't know if I have the energy!

    I started dating a guy that I had everything in common with and then I realized, he didn't want anything to do with kids and I have 2! Sometimes, its real difficult if you're a single mom to find someone that is accepting of kids. My kids mean everything to me.

    Its odd because all I need from a guy is companionship and partnership and yet its so hard to find a guy in his mid 30s who has his act together.

    How do the other single moms out there feel?

  2. #2
    Registered User kaykwilts's Avatar
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    Do you attend church? Sometimes churces have good singles groups. Also you could check out sites like eharmony. That is where my husband's niece found her DH.

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    Registered User FrugalWitch's Avatar
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    Can't help ya with the kids aspect, but I ended up re-married just 9 months after my divorce and was planning on never remarrying ever! You meet (or can meet) men literally anywhere. I met mine at WalMart of all the silly places.

    Just be open and friendly to everyone (not just men, that looks skanky), you never know where a sincere smile and good attitude can take you. Believe me, I didn't get anywhere on my looks, I'm morbidly obese and was 38 years old when I got divorced. Subtracting the 3 month engagement, I was "free" for only 6 months between marriages. I dated approx. 4 other dudes before DH and I met.

    Let your friends and family know that you are open to meeting some new guys. Just be casual about it, everyone you already know is a possible introduction to your new Mr. Right. If you have a date with someone who is all wrong, be gracious anyway. He might introduce you to a friend (which is how I met DH at WalMart. A man I had dated worked at WalMart, he made the introductions, niceness pays!)

    Most af all, find happiness within yourself. If you can't be happy alone, you won't be happy with a man in the picture. Good luck to you!

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  5. #4
    Registered User missymomof3's Avatar
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    There are men out there. I remarried back in September and I have three kids! Good luck to you and God Bless!

  6. #5

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    I didn't go thru divorce, my dh passed away when we were both 30. Please don't feel sorry for me because I did that enough for everyone. Anyway, I didn't care anything about remarrying and with 4 kids who would have wanted me anyway, especially because I had a handicapped child. Will let me tell you that love will find you if it is meant to be. Love came softly to me when I wasn't expecting it. I meant my current husband thru friends. I though he was nice enough, but figured when he found out I had four kids, and all girls no less that he would be trying to find the door. He asked he out and we dated for about 9 months before he was allowed to meet my kids. I didn't want to go thru a string of men going thru the house and give the girls the wrong idea. Well 17 years later we are married, he is a good father and has been a good husband to me. Those good guys are out there. Frugal witch gave some really good advice. Church is a good place to meet people and letting your friends know that you would like to date is good idea too. Good luck. Getting back to dating was hard for me. AFter you have been with someone for so long you can't imagine yourself with anyone else. But fairy tales do happen. I know it did for me. So I really do have a "happily ever after". Blessing and good luck....Kathy

  7. #6
    Registered User tigo's Avatar
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    I have been divorced twice now and thought getting back into dating would be the worst thing (two husbands who cheated really knocked my self-esteem). A lady I adore at church gave me the best advice- get out and do things you enjoy with the kids and things for just you. She is a widow with 13 kids (most my age) and has seen enough to be taken seriously. I did. I started back to school, spent time just being with my kids and getting to know who I was. Her second piece of advice- it will happen when you aren't looking. The guy I am with now would have sent me running for the hills a few years ago- over 40, never married, still lived at home with his parents, no kids, looks like Weird Al...... long story short- he is very patient, very kind, likes me and my kids (we don't have to 'pretend' we are anyone but ourselves with him) and very frugal.

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    Registered User Lady_V's Avatar
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    You may want to try "Parents without Partners" Yup, it is mostly women, but, there are some men... and... those women have brothers or guys that are 'just friends' ... and atleast you would know they are kid-friendly ... I just happened to luck out with DF... he was a pen-pal when I was happily married, then a pal when I was separating... and then a room-mate when I needed help with the bills... and eventually we ended up as a couple.

    He isn't the first man I dated after the separation, but he will be the last

  9. #8
    Registered User Nada.Leona's Avatar
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    I was fortuneate and fell in love with my best friend after my divorce. But my mother, after my father passed away, was in her forties. She mourned as long as she needed to, and then she started trying online dating. She met a nice, respectable man in his fifties who was good to her and who both my brother and I liked, as well as her sisters liked. They've been together for nearly two years now and they live together. Give it a try. It just might work for you.

  10. #9
    Registered User inneedofhope's Avatar
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    I've been divorced for close to 4 years. Aside from a blind date, a dinner date, and a few dances at a bar, I haven't really met anyone. The first couple of years I poured all my energy into my work and my son. The work paid off with a nice promotion, and my son is doing well as far as recovery from divorce. When I hit the 3 year mark, I began to feel like I'd like to meet someone. I don't really know why, but I just don't seem to ever meet the kind of guy I'd really be interested in getting to know and possibly bringing into my life. I have been seeing a therapist for a few months, but not really moving forward. Two of my friends who have divorced in the last year have moved past their grieving and re-establishing, and are now starting new relationships. I am stuck. I was with my ex for 8 years, and never really thought of myself without him until it was necessary. I've grown considerably, though in many ways I feel like I am failing. Whenever I meet someone I am somewhat interested in, once the idea of an actual relationship comes up, I panic. I'm so afraid of settling for the wrong guy, and especially of going through the gut wrenching pain of losing someone like that again. I have the picture in my head of the kind of person I'd like to be with, and the kind of family life I'd like to have, and I don't want to give up the hope of actually experiencing that by falling for the wrong guy, again.
    I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, or if you are going through some of the same feelings. i just thought I'd share, to help you feel not so alone.

  11. #10
    Registered User ktsmama's Avatar
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    I don't have much advice, just know that you know are not alone.

    I am also finding out that the men I meet are vain, vain creatures. I consider myself a very stable (financially and emotionally), energetic, caring, loving person, but because I am somewhat overweight men just go the other directions. And to tell the truth, not all of them are God's gift either!!!

    Good luck to you in your search.

  12. #11
    Registered User thriftybargainmom's Avatar
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    I met my current hubby in an online christian yahoo group. We had both been divorced before and got married two months after we met online.
    Been married five years now.
    Have you checked some of the online singles groups??

  13. #12
    Registered User Mamaof2rugrats's Avatar
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    I whole heartedly recommend online dating. I am a completely single mom with 2 kids including one who is not only special needs but a quadreplegic. I assumed it would be very difficult to find men to date. I was very wrong. Having children has never been an issue. Online dating is especially nice because you can just put it out there before you ever meet in person that you are a single mom. If they don't like it then there's no point in wasting time getting together but I think it really helps you get to know eachother. Good luck.

  14. #13

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    I'm currently in a seperation/divorce and I decided to try online dating. I just wanted someone to hang out with and spend time with, nothing serious. Surprise, love found me unexpectedly. He's a great guy, with similar ideas about life and love as I have. We're taking it slow, but honestly, I never thought this would happen.

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    Registered User Edna_E's Avatar
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    I looked for men who were involved in the things I did - church, pre-school, cub-scouts, t-ball, etc. I also was immediately up-front about my kid and my intent to spend MANY non-working hours with him, and that anyone else had to fit in WITH us, not AROUND the edges.

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    Believe it or not, I've been single for over 20 years (by choice) and I never had trouble finding a man to date until AFTER my kids were gone. Without the kids to focus on, it seems I had nothing really in common with a lot of the guys I dated. Looking back, I never was good at picking the right man, so now I'm not even looking.

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