Finally calling it quits - Page 2
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  1. #16

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    His behavior is past frustrating....he is being abusive and down right EVIL. How about a close friend, or family of any kind? Can you pack up some things, take your daughter and some money from your account and go to them? I know first hand how overwhelmed and lost you are feeling. Friends will help. Mine came to my rescue when I had to leave so abruptly. I know there are people that you know that love and care for you. I have only read some of your posts and know you are a good and caring person. You and your daughter cannot stay in the situation. It will only get worse. Please try to seek out someone to stay with temporarily. You would be surprised at how clear things look when you aren't surrounded by the craziness.
    Pat

  2. #17

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    ps...generally when someone accuses YOU of doing something wrong, they have done something to be guilty of themselves. He may have never cheated, however, he knows he is wrong in how he treats you...food for thought.

  3. #18
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    I'm sorry for your situation. I have no new advice to give, other than I'd maybe reconsider letting my child stay with this man. Good luck.

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  5. #19
    Registered User pinetree's Avatar
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    No advice either, but been there, and I know youre really hurting. Just remember that it will get better, and everything happens for a reason.( some older lady told me that, when this happened tome,,for some reason it really helped)

  6. #20
    Registered User Homekeepn's Avatar
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    Thank you ladies,

    My MIL said that I could use her extra car if I wanted to. She also said that my daughter and I could stay with her for awhile. She told her son that he couldn't if he was still going to drink. I just hope that he doesn't try to retaliate against me for her trying to help me. I also hope that if I stay with her that my son would come to. He said that he wanted to stay with his dad when we move out. I just wish he would change his mind. Believe me this is not what I want to happen.
    I might not have any choice but to stay with her for awhile. My income will be cut as soon as school ends for the year. It will be hard to find a place to rent in this school district or to get a car loan on my current income. I have been looking for another job to take the place of subbing. Then I am concerned about the transportation issue again. I am not finding the way out very easy.

  7. #21

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    Is there a battered women's shelter near you? If you don't need to stay there sometimes they do offer counseling services and sometimes it is best to learn from people who have been in the same situation.

    I don't recall reading that he hit you but words and deeds can hurt just as much if not more. I am so sorry you are going through this abuse. I know you will find this hard to believe now, but you will come out of this, stronger and so much better off.

    Reach out and grasp help anywhere you can. You have already started here and you are cared for and prayed for. Let others help you as well. Sometimes things are just too big for one person to handle. Don't be afraid and don't be prideful, just get out.

    Please let us know how you are doing.......ok?

  8. #22
    Registered User i.m.cheap's Avatar
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. I escaped a similar situation myself 19 years ago.

  9. #23
    Registered User baxjul's Avatar
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    No advice, just good thoughts coming your way!

  10. #24
    Registered User Mom23boys's Avatar
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    Best of luck to you.

  11. #25

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    I'm proud of you!!! Talking to you mil was an excellent idea. Family and friends are so important. My husband that I am separated from is an alcoholic and that was a huge part of our problem. Stay with her as long as it is comfortable and you can work on the next step. If you are in a safe place, one that is less stressful, it is so much easier to start each every other step necessary. Your son will come around in time, his father's actions will steer him right to you. I'm cheering for you!

    BTW...even 5 months later (which is where I am at now) he is still frustrating and hard to deal with. Child support was supposed to be here on the 20th and guess what...still not here.

  12. #26
    Registered User Its_Donna's Avatar
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    Sending Hugs your way!

  13. #27
    Registered User Homekeepn's Avatar
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    Good Morning ladies,

    I am now using my MIL car to get to work. She came to my house to speak to her son about playing fair and being civil. He refused. He told her that he believes that I am running around on him and that he will not "let" me use "his" car period. She said then she is going to leave her car with me. He said it wasn't his problem. He hates the idea that she offered her house to my daughter and I. I understand that concerning me, but I think he should care where is daughter will stay.
    He also came home with forms for divorce that he must of gotten from a friend at work (his wife works in the field). By the way I do not want any money from him. Because any money or gifts (when I received any) always had strings attached. I believe he will still try to control me if he feels that it is his money that I am using.
    What do you think about this: The car insurance is due next week. I will not have the the money to pay for it. The insurance bill is in my name. The two vehicles on the policy are owned by my husband (paid for and registered to him). He will not let me use either one of these cars. If the bill doesn't get paid then it will be my name that shows a cancellation for non payment not his. If I cancel the insurance, that shows the wrong attitude of civility. I made a call to the insurance company to ask their opinion, but have yet to receive a call back.
    Well I need to go. My friend was gracious enough to ask me to sub today, since she knew I could drive there. God bless good friends.
    Thank you for listening and praying for my family. Have a great day.

  14. #28
    Registered User claimsgirl66's Avatar
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    Definitely sounds like your soon to be ex has "control" issues. SOunds like a sad situation for you and the kids.

    It sounds honorable you want to keep the insurance paid, but he is not making effort to be "civil" either. You need to set up your own checking account and save your future paychecks solely for your needs. Also if there is an auto loan and the insurance is not current, the bank will be notified. Hope that is not the case. If your name is not attached to any auto loan or registration, then you should not feel badly for cancelling the policy. I am sure your insurance agent will advise you, but I would be telling the ex since you do not have use of the vehicles, and no $$, you are cancelling the insurance and he can contact them to put it solely in his name....and he will have to contact them, fill out an application, etc...that way it is noted you cancelled it and will not show up as a negative in the future. Hugs.

  15. #29

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    I have been there and still recovering. I left three years ago and have a 7 and 15yr old with him. I agree witht he first comment, never ever let the kids hear you talk bad about him and definatly don't direct the comments to them. You need to live now! That is pretty much every thing I've got. I had a controlling jealous man. and it is so great not to be timed or limited in who i can talk to , I am starting to make friends and now live two hrs. away from my family and have never talked to them so much in the 11 yrs. my hubby and I were together. I love living for me and the kids are doing great. They are happy now and happier to be around me. I dunno about you but living with my hubby I would often walk on eggs around him and then be worn out and grumpy for the kids. Not now and you know what. He's never been a better dad than he is now. (not that he's the greatest, but he's never been better)

  16. #30
    Registered User Homekeepn's Avatar
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    I talked with the insurance company. They said that to give him the bill and then go in a sign a form that will release me from the policy. She did tell me that if I am going to be driving my MIL car then to be added to hers. This will also keep me current in the insurance world.
    On my way to my night job I passed my husband on the road. Nothing happened and I continued on to work. When I got home he asked if I had 5 minutes to talk. He wanted to go over the divorce papers that he brought home yesterday. The first paper was about child support. He said "well, we don't need that one". He is not planning to pay anything because we will both have one child. His income is about 4 times as much as mine. He will not be paying spousal support (not that I even want any).
    Then he informed me that is has cancelled my health insurance at his work. This was a real slap in the face. I have medical issues from my childhood that requires that I see specialists. I have even see doctors two states away. To leave me without any coverage at all is just...I have no words to explain how hurt I am to be treated like this.
    He also went on to ask who was in the car with me when I met him on the road. He will not believe me when I tell him repeatedly that I have NEVER been with anyone on the side. To tell you the truth I am so scared of being treated like this again the thought of dating anyone is the furthest thing from my mind.
    By the way I aready had my checking seperate. I just wish there was something in it. even. Please keep my family in your prayers.

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