What would you do?
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    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    Default What would you do?

    Ahh, the continuing saga.

    At our emergency hearing the judge awarded me temporary custody until our trial date next month. My ex ix not allowed to keep the girls overnight because he has been leaving them alone as he works as -- are you sitting down? - a male stripper!!!!!!!!!!!! Ay yi yi. He has not even made a real emergency plan for the girls when they are alone - which is my biggest issue with them being there overight.

    The trial is the 2nd week of December and my lawyer wants an additional $5000. We would ask for court costs, legal fees and arrears support, full custody, etc, etc.

    Wayne called me and now wants to settle out of court. He has no lawyer. I would have to let him have overnight visits but he finally agreed to make an emergency plan with the girls as opposed to telling me it was none of my business. He will give me $1000 toward his arrears and make his monthly payments + 100 toward the rest of the money he owes me, collectible through the family responsiblities office. I would have full custody. He only wants my parents to have them for 3 weeks in the summer instead of 4 weeks. If there were a problem with his behavior with the kids (bad-mouthing and stirring up trouble) Children's Aid will step in as they have become involved in the situation and are providing counseling for the girls.

    If we go to court I know they will award me a lot more money. That's great but since he works for cash, he is under the radar and there will be no real way to collect. If he will voluntarily agree to pay me at least I will get something. I think because Childrens Aid is involved it will help maintain control of things like their visits.

    What do you think? Spend the $5000 and go to court and screw him to the wall? Who will that really help? The hostility is already unbearable - I cannot imagine it getting worse! Or settle to keep the peace, collect what I can, and deal with parenting issues through Children's Aid?

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    Registered User Its_Donna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daisygirl View Post
    Spend the $5000 and go to court and screw him to the wall? Who will that really help? The hostility is already unbearable - I cannot imagine it getting worse! Or settle to keep the peace, collect what I can, and deal with parenting issues through Children's Aid?

    I agree that the stress and hostility is not good for the kids but I'm afraid if there isn't something "official" between you two then you may find yourself chasing him down again in a few months. He says he will pay but what he does is another thing. I have friends who have went thru things like this and its like

    Gosh..what a dilema. I feel for you and your children. I don't really have any advise..just hugs and prayers.

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    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    If you go to court then you will have everything in writing.

    It sounds as though you want to believe that he really will do as he is saying he will do, but you have to be practical. This is your girls' future and SAFETY at stake. He may have the best intentions in the world, but what is his track record? Not very good. He IS your children's dad and you probably did care a lot about him at one point, but you MUST not let emotions enter into your decisions.

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    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
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    I personally would want everything in writing, even if you write it up and he signs it and get it notorized, either way you have yourself covered. JMHO

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    Member Darlene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrugalMomof3 View Post
    I personally would want everything in writing, even if you write it up and he signs it and get it notorized, either way you have yourself covered. JMHO
    My biggest concern would be the kids & if he does get things up to par with that (safety)and follows through with the rest I would go for it. But like Tracy said I'd get your agreement on paper & notarized. All this with him knowing that if this doesn't work you'll have no choice but to go with the court plan. I'd also note that on the agreement.
    Good luck!




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    Registered User Cricket1's Avatar
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    We're all on the same page here. I would want it all in writing so therefore it enforceable.

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    I'd bite the bullet and haul him through the court system, in the short term it will be uncomfortable, but in the long run it will be for the best. SCREW HIM TO THE WALL!!!!

    And btw, I've MISSED YOU AND BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU HUN!!! Big hugs!

    We've got crazy situations here with the neighbor and my good friends ex, urgh, to the point I've had to get the sheriff involved, ain't it always something?

    kj

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    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    I didn't make the situation clear enough in my post. The agreement is the one drawn up by m lawyer. It will be signed in front of witnesses at my lawyers office, then presented to the judge. Once the judge signs it this will be an official custody decree, and the child support will be enforced by the Family Responsibilities Office.

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    Registered User sdrjeolsen's Avatar
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    Hi Daisygirl, nice to see you around again. I would be very leary of settling out of court. In my opinion, he is trying to get off easy because he sees the hammer coming. Once you do he will know that he still has some degree of control and you will continue to fight for what is yours. Good luck with it all, whatever you decide. Hugs.

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    Registered User bikerscars's Avatar
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    go to court

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    McD
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    Technical Support Sleuth McD's Avatar
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    Personally, I would take him to court.

    IMHO, he sees this another way of establishing some sort of control over you. This is the man that took your children from you and said he would drop them off whenever he felt like it right? Now he is leaving those girls alone at night and then trying to tell YOU how long they can visit your parents?

    I think he is doing this to maintain an element of control over you and the girls are just bargaining chips to him.

    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would rather tell it how I see it (which is based on what I've seen you post).

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    Member Darlene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsMcDowell View Post
    Personally, I would take him to court.

    IMHO, he sees this another way of establishing some sort of control over you. This is the man that took your children from you and said he would drop them off whenever he felt like it right? Now he is leaving those girls alone at night and then trying to tell YOU how long they can visit your parents?

    I think he is doing this to maintain an element of control over you and the girls are just bargaining chips to him.

    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would rather tell it how I see it (which is based on what I've seen you post).
    I forgot about that...hmmm...
    What does your lawyer advise? If ex doesn't hold up his end can you take him to court immediately?




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    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    My lawyer thinks I should take the money and run. He figures that if Wayne feels like he is running the show he will pay me, other wise forget about it. This IS the agreement that my lawyer and I wrote up - Wayne has had no input in this agreement except for the exta week in Arkansas.

    This is so stressful. I mean, first of all, he may be just jerking us around further trying to stay out of court (which will NOT happen if I do not have a legal binding agreement!) Secondly, and I know this is stupid, considering all the idiotic thing she has done, I feel kind of bad keeping the kids away from their father. I know, I know, I sound pathetic saying that.

    Finally, and this makes me sound cheap -- coming up with $5000 when I can't even afford new winter boots for the kids is not going to be easy. However, if I have to do it I will, because I have never yet let down my children.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FrugalMomof3 View Post
    I personally would want everything in writing, even if you write it up and he signs it and get it notorized, either way you have yourself covered. JMHO


    Yup, I agree.

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    Karen,

    The money part sounds Ok, and having everything in writing also sounds good.......I have a problem with him having any say over the girls, after him keeping them that one time and scaring them......also with his line of work you don't know what kind of people he may bring around your girls......is there any way you could get visitation where he has to visit them with a mediator there???

    JMHO,
    leezza

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