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  1. #46
    Registered User struglew3kids's Avatar
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    Well I hate to say it, but I was right. He has not paid me any support since. So he did prove that I was right. The thing that gest me is that he keeps telling my kids that he is going to send money and then does not follow thru.

  2. #47
    Registered User struglew3kids's Avatar
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    Well I never did get a penny from my ex.
    He had been ordered to pay $840.00 because that included 1/2 of child care. I had two kids under 3yrs old. At one point two of them where in diapers. I was working full time to support them. Childcare and diapers are expensive. So you better bet the money COULD HAVE come in handy. It was a very difficult time for us. Through God's grace he saw me through that.
    I am now dating a man who has 3 kids. Guess what? He is ALWAYS on time with his child support. Oh and always gives his kids extra money when they need things. I think that says a lot about a parent. He knows it's also his responsability to support his kids. His ex does not work. I do think that's wrong. Both parents must have the obligation to support their children.
    Most absent parents tend to forget that the support is for the child.

  3. #48
    Registered User Jessesbride's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by struglew3kids View Post
    Ok I understand how being married to a person that has kids and owes child support may change your opinion.
    My ex- owes me about $60k. In all those years, he did not think of the kids. I had harsh times. I have posted some of those in some other threads. In the years that he was not paying, he left the state, moved in with a woman and had a kid. I have issues with absent parents that go and have more kids when they can't support the one's they have. So she got all his income and so did their son. My kids where forgotten. That is until now that he wants to actually have his own business. Now he has a couple of months that he has paid a small amount. Yet he comes on vacation to see his kids, has new clothes, and tells me of all the places he has visited...what the ??? Did he forget who he has been talking to?
    If you marry a man with kids, you really have to think about how that is going to affect you. This is not about vengance this is about the NEEDS of the children. Why should the single parent be the only one to live on bread and beans?
    I can't say that I agree with the driver's license suspension. But I do agree with the state license. The reason is, that they are working. If they have back child support bal. but are paying current payments they won't take it away, but if they have a active lic. and they are working and they don't pay, there is no excuse. I told him I was glad that he found something that he loves, but that he had to understand my lack of trust and that I am the only one who is making sure the kids get what he owes them. I also reminded him of what I told him long ago. That if he did not pay, one day he would want to buy a home or who knows and this would come to bite him......and it sure has. He put himself in this situation and I refuse to feel sorry for him when we went w/out food, electricity, clothes and so on, on many occasions. He can still work, but maybe he won't have exactly what he wants. But then again how many of us do?
    Exactly!!! When someone has brought their own self this kind of trouble, I'm sorry... why is it that the OTHER PARENT who actually IS busting their tail to BE A PARENT.. we have to foot the bill? I'm all for forgiveness, but like the saying goes... walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like a duck, acts like a duck, eats like a duck... MUST BE A DUCK... or in this case, A SNAKE. He's already PROVEN that he doesn't give a darn about anyone other than himself. THAT being the case (& yes, there are plenty of parents that are on hard times that really do try to provide for their families~ but this is NOT the case here!), She would be a stupid, ignorant, irresponsible fool to take him at his word when she already knows FOR A FACT that he is a liar! & since ONLY SHE is being responsible for THEIR kids, she has to do what she has to do. Stay strong Sister! Most of us Single moms (now or in the past) have had to do the hard thing & be responsible to our KIDS not OUR IRRISPONSIBLE EX'S!!

    Kim

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  5. #49
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    Smile other side of the mountain

    I make about 1200 a month right now, and I am soul support for dd and myself, after bills, groceries and gas I have maybe 100 dollars left over for clothes and extras for us both. My ex pulled a fast one so the child support he was paying ( not often even then as he was 14,000 plus behind) was stopped as he talked dd into asking that he have custody, then turned around and had a dwi with her a few months later. His child support would be only 350 anyway, and he seldom paid it. I look at it this way, you and your spouse decided to have the child and that child cannot fend for its self. In most states, like here the wife or one who has custody does not pick the amount of child support ordered, nor has the right to take away visiting rights. I have raised my child on my own going on 3 yrs now, and it is rough but we make it. Pay your child support, your child is worth it. (ps they are only young for awhile.)

  6. #50
    Registered User meredithah's Avatar
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    Oh how I am hoping your "CA" is Canada... a 2 for 1 Lynching... I'll get your ex as soon as I am done with Karen's!

    (Have to be frugal about this... gas is expensive )
    Lady V - I'll pay for EVERYONE'S gas if you add my ex to the route!

  7. #51
    Registered User HoustonDave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by struglew3kids View Post
    Oh I don't plan to close it. I just hate that my gut feeling was right and it wasn't that he was concerned about his boy's needs, it was that he wanted something in return for paying me those two months! So follow your gut feeling and if you do get something use the money wisely. Pay off a bill, it will make it easier for you to provide more things for your kids if you do that. If you use it on buying the kids extra things that month, then that's all they will get that month. Well that's my plan anyway lol.
    You are wise, grasshopper!

  8. #52
    Registered User HoustonDave's Avatar
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    A lot of good discussion here.

    So questions. How much SHOULD someone have to pay for child support? Should it be based on how much they make? How much their household makes? How much it takes to raise the child?

    Let's take a for instance. Let's say daycare is $200 a week and so you have to pay half that. That's $400 per month. Don't laugh, that's how much it costs around here.

    Now you have groceries. We pay about $500 a month for groceries. And let's say about $75 per month is for each child.

    Ok and utilities...having a child doesn't really increase utilities right? Er yes it does, because you have to have a bigger house. Soo....how big a house? Add one bedroom per child? Ok. So let's say that adds 15% to your SF? So add that extra housing cost in.

    Clothes, books, school supplies, medical bills, insurance, extra gas and wear and tear on the cars. Kids are EXPENSIVE. Estimates are it costs $220,000 to raise a child to 18, up to $300,000 to raise a child up to 22 including college. That increases if you are a single parent because of extra childcare costs.

    Cost of Raising a Child Calculator | BabyCenter

    That's about $15-20k per year. Which is about $1100-$2000 per month. That's the tough part. When you split up, the total costs of taking care of the kids increases. So no, it's not crazy to expect the parent without custody to pony up $550-1000 per month if you go just off those cost numbers.

    But wait, life doesn't work that way. When people can't afford things, they go without. So the cost of raising a child is somewhat flexible based on what you can afford. Unfortunately, if one parent is not living with the child, they can "afford" zero if they bend their twisty little minds far enough. And unfortunately, if one parent has custody, they can justify that there is no need to sacrifice and the other parent should pay out the nose.

    Child custody and payments can really bring out the worst in people.

    It should be that there is no bias toward the mother in child custody decisions. That is getting better. It should be that child support payments should be based on a combination of what the other parent can afford based on current salary, and adjusted quarterly based on earnings. And if the "supporter" remarries, it should be based on household income. And if the "supportee" remarries, it should be adjusted too based on need.

    There should be a way to compare the life circumstances of two households in a child support case. Is the one living well while the other is living in squalor and barely making ends meet? Then there is something wrong. These things should have to pass the "smell test".

    And if the "supporter" can't make full payments but keeps making something, that should be recognized as very different than struglew3kids situation where the father pays ZERO dollars for years. He deserves no pity, no mercy, no break. Poor guy can't get a license to work? Boohoo, he had years of chance to pay something and not be in that situation.

    There is a big difference between struglew3kids situation and some of the other examples given on this board. Night and day. Her ex should be put in stocks and publicly mocked. Perhaps even pelted with elderberries. You could charge admission and use that to pay off the back child support.

  9. #53
    Registered User seattleLMP's Avatar
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    I don't agree that support should be based on the household income vs. just the income of the parent. My husband does not and should not have any personal financial obligation towards my daughter. Neither should my ex's wife.

  10. #54
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    It's sad how many fathers don't really care about their children. I don't even get one penny from my kids' dad. Legally! It takes two to make a baby. These dads need to be held accountable

    .

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