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Thread: I need advice!
05-24-2008, 10:25 AM #1
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- DeKalb, IL
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I need advice!
As summer approaches, and we are outside much more I am having some problems that I could use advice on!
We have LOTS of neighborhood kids, and every single time my kids go out to ride their bikes, within minutes I have up to 10 kids in my front yard! It is driving me crazy. Some of them I know, and I know their parents and they are good kids and I have no problem with them coming over to play. We have 2 kids that are causing problems, and I don't know what to do about them!
One is a bully, plain and simple. My kids are 4 and 7, and he is 11. He comes over and bullies all the kids, he is mouthy, and will tell me where to go in a heartbeat! If I tell him to go home, he tells me that the sidewalk and street are public property and I can't tell him to leave. And granted, he is right, he can use the sidewalk or stand in the street, but it is just obnoxious! I've tried talking to his mom (that is another rant in itself) and she really just doesn't care. I think she just wants him playing outside and if he is at my house, she doesn't have to watch him! So I am curious as to how other moms would handle it!
Ok, my other problem is a 6 year old boy. He is just finishing kindergarten, and he has the run of the nieghborhood, and rides his bike in the street and his parents just don't seem to care. When he comes over, they "race" their bikes and my kids stay on the sidewalk while he races right into the street. In the last 2 weeks, he rode right out into the street in front of cars and never even paid any attention to them, even after their breaks squeeled to miss the kid. Whenever this happens, I tell him that I can't be responsible for him and have to send him home, only for him to come right back a few minutes later! Not too mention the other day, when I caught him playing in our garage when we were inside. The door was open and he just walked in and starting playing with the kids toys. Then the last time we made him go home, DH saw him put something in his pocket and we think he took one of the kids matchbox cars. Which is no big deal, they have a million, but I just don't want him over here taking things!
So my main dillema, I can't tell them to go home becuase they just keep coming back and talking to their parents isn't an option. I just don't want to make my kids stay inside all summer, but I just don't know how to handle them!
What would you guys do?
05-24-2008, 10:39 AM #2
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What about when the bully comes around you have your kids come inside or go somewhere else to play? That way the bully will kind of be ignored. Hopefully eventually he will realize that kids dont like bullies and if everyone were to leave him standing there alone, he might just change.
Another option might be to have the kids stand up for themselves, no fists but verbal words (and no cussing) but something like "No one wants to hang with you because ....." He might get angry or curse but again, eventually he will get the hint and he will have no one to bully around.
As for the stealing, even though they are small items, he needs to be yelled at and maybe humiliated for once.
Weird thing about my boys were they always stick together, and stuck up for themselves, however that may be. It's not the right answer but no one messes with them or did back when they were younger. It's just a matter of your kids putting their foot down, really. The bully needs a major reality check and his parents seem like they just dont care, better him bothering someone else than them, it's a shame and it's probably why he is the way he is.
05-25-2008, 02:49 PM #3
Can the kids you want to come over play in the backyard? Since the bully is mainly stuck on the sidewalk & street, that would get the younger kids out of his way, and as Tracy said, being left alone might make him change.
The 6-year old is a tougher situation. It sounds like you need to tell the kids they can't race their bikes. They'll be upset, but that is better than someone getting hurt or killed. As for playing in your garage, tell him that he can only play in your yard or garage when your kids are with him.
I know it's rough now, but take heart - if you are consistent about the rules you expect kids to follow while they are at your house, they'll either follow them or find somewhere else to play.
The trick is to pay enough attention that the kids always know you COULD come out at any time, but not so much that you drive yourself nuts over everything they're doing. Eventually, some kids will play elsewhere rather than deal with a parent, and the others will rise to your expectations.
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05-25-2008, 02:55 PM #4
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SAME thing happened at my mother's house growing up.
What she did was ask US kids (her own) to not hang out in front of the house so often.
just explain to your kids it's just a little pet peeve of yours... for whatever reason (liking quiet, trying to work/read, walking around naked! LOL)... and they'll just do it.
Don't "demand" they do it... just ask if they not hang around your front yard... what about someone else's house? a dead end? somewhere else... anywhere else, please.
Now as for the 6 y/o... you dont have anything to do about that.
you CAN talk to his parents about being concerned, but otherwise, just ignore it. it's not YOUR job to "babysit" the kids who play outside...
05-25-2008, 03:05 PM #5
My ...things have changed! If I had behaved poorly in my neighborhood you can bet one of the moms would have escorted me directly home & spoke to my parents. My boys had trouble with a bully once. I had no trouble telling him he was not welcome in my yard, sidewalk etc.
05-25-2008, 03:14 PM #6
I would hate to do this, but if it doesn`t stop I would call dhr. these people need to keep up with there own kid`s instead of dumping them on you.
and your kid`s should be ab;e to play in there own front yard and not br harrased.
05-25-2008, 03:26 PM #7
Hmm, well it is an honor that the kids want to play at your house in a way. It means you have the fun yard. We have kids come over and play and they all play fairly well together, I chime in whenever someone is getting to rough or rude.
They do listen though when I tell them to stop or pick up (they are younger like 7 and 9).
I agree, just don't let the kids play in the front yard for a while and he will start finding somewhere else to go.
As far as the 6 years olds go, I might mention to his mom about the squeeling tires thing, I would hate for that kid to wind up on the news. She might see it your way that is sooo dangerous.
Go in real low and humble, compliment her first and then somehow get around to your fear for him. I don't know, if you don't know her well it might be intimidating.
Pray for wisdom.
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