What do you do?
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 22

Thread: What do you do?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Question What do you do?

    I'm couriouse what other sahws or even shams do during your everyday life? Also what does everyone do to help yourself not be lonely? One more question I find myself not being able to waite till my husband gets home, but when he does get home he is just plum excusted between the oklahoma heat and him dealing with being a coowner of his and his dads busniess. so when he gets home he just wants to colapse but me being so excited I want to just talk his ear off, and he is a wounderful husband he tries his hardest to look interrested lol....s couriouse if anyone else kinda has this problem? did it even make since? lol if there is someone that does kinda have this problem, how do you deal with it? At times I feel like maybe I should just keep quiet and not be so needy, am I needy? :-D

  2. #2
    Registered User lwlynch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Georgia
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,728
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    18

    Default

    Nope not needy, just human. I do the same thing. I usually just run from the mouth endlessly. I have however finally got it where I leave my husband alone for the first hour or so. That way I don't get the feeling of being toooo mouthy. In that time, I usually go outside and do a chore, or go take a dip in the pool. In the winter I go exercise. It seems that it gives him a chance to reboot. Then we always have dinner. I always ask about his day and then hang on...my turn..(hahah) Then I go and continue with my stuff to get done. That seems to take the steam out of me.....(I hope) My worst time is going out, in the adult world.. I can't stop talking to strangers...lol..

  3. #3
    Moderator aka AmyBob AmyBoz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Northern NJ
    Age
    49
    Posts
    12,038
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    43
    Rep Power
    50

    Default

    Needy? Because you expect your husband to listen to you when you talk? You are his equal...it's not beyond him to listen to you when you want to speak. That's not needy...it's marriage.

  4. Remove Advertisements
    FrugalVillage.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    632
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyBoz View Post
    Needy? Because you expect your husband to listen to you when you talk? You are his equal...it's not beyond him to listen to you when you want to speak. That's not needy...it's marriage.
    You are not needy. It's okay to want to talk to him, you should and he should listen and vice versa. I let my hubby get in the door, lay his keys and phone down, after that he's fair game. He does understand I am at home all day either by myself or with the kid during summer. I don't talk to people all day other than typing lol and he's gets to talk to everybody and anybody everyday. So he listens and talks with me. We are an odd couple though, we do thoroughly enjoy each other's company and would prefer just to be around each other so we always talk.

    Most sahms or sahws get lonely from time to time. It's going to happen. You just either find a hobby you really love doing, volunteer your time somewhere, take care of household chores, escape in a book or movie, go to the library or something. Talk to someone on the phone or have fun on the internet and at the Village. You'll have some off days and some great days.

    Whatever you do, never keep quite with your husband. Don't ever think you have to.

  6. #5
    Registered User pollypurebred39's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    SE Pennsylvania
    Posts
    7,747
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    87

    Default

    I get what you are saying. It helps that my youngest is schooled via the internet(at home). Even though he is in school most of the time he is still company. We also have a dog and 2 cats. I busy myself with housework, or cooking dinner when he first comes home. (Right now he is laid off/self employeed) He gets a breather and is ready to chat a bit over dinner.

    I get needing adult time though. Over the Summer I get together with 2 different girlfriends twice a week. Take my youngest to the free movies or even go to McDonalds for the playland, not the food. There is always an adult to chat with. The rest of the year I plan as many hang out times with my girlfriends and our kids as possible. I go to church, cell group and Bible study. I also work on keeping my home nice, shop clearances weekly, plan for holidays and birthdays. I stay pretty busy, but I have been thinking about trying a hobby.

    Polly

  7. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Missouri
    Age
    50
    Posts
    1,013
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    I don't think you're needy either. I've been a SAHM for 9 years. For the past couple of years I've wanted to get a little part time job to help with the loneliness, but my dh is absolutely and totally against it. I mean, you have no idea how thrilled I would be to even work a couple of days at McDonalds!

    Our almost 18 yr old moved last year to MN and my 17 yr old is busy now with her own life. I still have a 7 yr old, but she'll start school soon. I do work with dh a couple of days a week. I've been thinking about getting involved in some volunteer work so I can be around others.

    I would say now that I'm older and the kids are older, it's getting harder. Yes, loneliness is a problem for me.

  8. #7
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    590
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    16

    Default

    I think I'll just pretty much co sign what AmyBoz wrote. No I do not think you are needy. I stayed at home until my dd was in school full time and I loved it but the minute she was in school, I was bored out of my mind and ready to crawl out of my skin, stay at hom anything now not the choice for me and DH understood this and supported it....oh and despite this I still jibber jabber at him because I am happy to see him.

  9. #8
    Registered User PrairieRose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    14,689
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    38

    Default

    I've been a SAHM & now wife for most of 33 years. It is lonely at times but it helps if you'll look around for a group or take a class that you'd enjoy. (for instance I took bellydancing last year) It would get you out of the house for a while, do something just for yourself and get you around some other people.

    I've learned to entertain myself by surfing, reading, working out, planning our meals, etc.... . Now I also look after my dad, since my mom died about 2 years ago. That takes a good part of my time. I also have a few e-pals....that gives me something to look forward to....email! Look up meetup.org (I think). You might find some interesting groups in your area to join in on.

    Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' Dr. Gray says that men need some time to unwind as soon as they get back to the 'cave'. He suggests at least an hour...I find it works really for my dh and me...... Then you can talk his ears off....just remember that he's already spoken most of his alloted words for the day when he gets home....

  10. #9
    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    DeKalb, IL
    Posts
    1,954
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    108
    Rep Power
    26

    Default

    I do the same thing. DH comes home and I think sometimes I drive him crazy...he just wants to watch TV and I can't stop talking. And usually, it's the really dumb, inane things that happened during the day.

    I've been lucky that most of the summer, two of my nieghbors have been home (one is a teacher, the other was on maternity leave), so I have had friends around. (However, I got to the point, where there was always someone at my door and I kind of missed my solitude).

    My youngest is 4 1/4 now, and honestly it makes it much nicer to stay home. When my kid's were babies, I hated staying home becuase there wasn't much to do. I was incredibly lonely and pretty miserable. I joined some playgroups and that helped. Even if you don't stick with the playgroups, you might make some SAHM friends that you can chat with during the day! Now, I just take the kids to the park or go out for walks. We usually run into other mom's and I get to chat while the kids swing!

    The internet helps too! I'm usually here on the village at least once a day!

  11. #10
    Registered User Persimmon Lace's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Green Country Oklahoma
    Posts
    1,130
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    I have friends I talk to on the phone and plan lunch out at least once a week. I volunteer at the hospital 1 day a week for about 4 hours and at my church. I make it a point to connect with someone besides my husband, I feel like it makes me a more interesting person and not as needy as I would be if I didn't get the outside interaction I need.

    I give my hubby the same space I expected when I worked, I leave him alone for awhile, he usually falls asleep on the couch while I finish up dinner. Being a stay at home wife without kids around anymore, I really just DON'T work as much around the house and his job is way more stressful than my staying home so I give him a break.

    Part of taking care of yourself is getting away from the house and getting some good time out in the world.

  12. #11

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    1,039
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I have been a SAHM for about 5 years now. It does get boring and lonely at times, which is why I think I internet so much.

    Other than that, I like to sew and read read read. My youngest will only just be 3 this fall and will go to nursery school 3 mornings each week. I am looking forward to going to the YMCA while she is at "school" and my oldest is in school. Other than that, I try my hardest to join groups, even though it can be hard because I find that I am a homebody. I love to talk to people though and I will chit chat with ANYONE while I am out and about. I go to storytime at the library, join mom's groups, and in the past I have created my own playgroups with ladies I met at the library. My parents also live about 2 miles away, so that helps.

    When I was pg with my first, I was a SAHpgW, and I found that I would keep busy with cleaning, cooking, and my crafty projects.

    I agree with the other ladies, you aren't needy, just human. Even though there are days with constant noise in my house and constant "talking", I desperately NEED adult discussion and so when hubby gets home, he is my sounding board.

  13. #12
    Registered User khaski's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    2,038
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    25

    Default

    Find a playgroup to join, or start one up!

    I started one by posting on craigslist about 2 years or so ago, since then have made some terrific new friends around town i would not have known otherwise. Mnay of us call each other throughout the week to chat (if we find the time) or do girl's trips out.

    We switch off houses, now that we know each other, but met at public places like the playground and such for a while at first.

    Maybe you could also take classes at the y to find new friends with similar interests.

  14. #13
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    212
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    I run into this feeling a lot too when I'm home alone all day. It was worse when the baby was little. I try not to ambush him right when he walks in because I know what that was like to not get a chance to catch my breath before I was bombarded with house stuff when i was working. So I give him time to change clothes and get a snack and then its only fair that he has to partake in everything else.

    We try to each get a little bit of alone time each day--even if its just 30 minutes. He'll go out to the workshop and hang out and I'll do something away from the house, even if its just outside--like going for a walk. Or sometimes I just go in the bedroom and shut the door. We try but it doesn't always work that way so we try to schedule a night where someone has the night off. For him Tuesday night is usually guys night and he has that night off to go to his friends where they all hang out and play cards and whatever else they do . I don't have a scheduled night but I always get one in. Sometimes I will hang out with a friend, go to a movie, bookstore, or meet up with my crochet group.

    We also have MIL or someone else in the family take the kiddo for an evening at least once a month and have some couple time. Sometimes we go out but a lot of the time we just go home and spend some quality time together. Its a great deal all around. They are always complaining about not having her enough and we get some alone time. Can't beat it.

    I try get out or at least talk to other people during the day. I try to meet up with other moms with the kiddos or let my MIL have the kiddo for a couple of hours a couple times a week and get some grown up time. That is what I had the hardest time with at first. I felt like I had to be the one there all the time to take care of everything and felt guilty for having someone else watch dd--Even though they REALLY wanted to keep her. I have found its really very important to get some alone time and makes me a better wife and mommy. Its easier now that she is almost a year old and I feel better about her being with other people because she can communicate what she needs pretty well now.

    Now with the kiddo being older I spend a lot of my day teaching her things and playing so that is how most of my day is occupied. When I'm not busy doing those things with her I try to get my housework and such done and if I have time I like to spend some time online or crocheting. I try to do the housework, etc while she is awake. She likes to help and its good for her to learn about the different things in the house and learning new words. I like to save her nap times to do things for me like my crochet or whatnot or things that I can't reasonably do while she is awake. Like cleaning out the attic or scrubbing the floors.

  15. #14
    Registered User ravengirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Kingston, NH
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default hi there....

    I'm a WAH wife and mom, and even though I work throughout the week, even from home, it does get lonely if I don't have some sort of "noise" going on (either the TV or the radio playing while I work). I also do laundry sporadically throughout the day, have often found myself emptying the dishwasher (after hitting "mute") during conference calls, and just keeping busy doing whatever, even I just make a quick run for an iced coffee and allow myself to take a break, do an errand (buy stamps, mail out bills or other correspondence at the post office), or just take a quick walk outside in front of our house. We live in a very small and rural town, and oftentimes, if I am out and about, I almost always run into SOMEONE that I know and chat with them about the kids, school, the weather, whatever.

    Other days, I really focus on doing something just for ME when the workday/hours are over, and this includes giving myself a manicure, reading a good book, playing with our two labs (in or outside), taking a nice hot bubble bath before dd comes home from school, etc.

    But dh calls me everyday, almost always mid-day and everyday enroute home from work. We talk often (unless WWE is on, then the house could burn down and he wouldn't notice, lol!!!).

    Overall, I am never one to give my hubby too much time to unwind before we can just be home together. I also can't wait to see him every evening,

    But I agree with the general consensus here, you shouldn't feel like you CAN'T talk to your dh, you are a team, it's all part of marriage and being a united team. I love to hear about his day, and tell him about mine. But then again, every person and every marriage is different.

    Do you ever get together with friends on your own, either during the week or on weekends? i get together for lunch without fail once per month with my closest girlfriends, no matter what, and it helps me tremendously to see them, laugh, have fun, and no hubbies or kids are allowed, lol!!! (I also have two stepchildren, 9 and 5 years old).

    But I do get my share of "adult" contact, albeit not in person, via the many e-mails and phonecalls and conference calls that are part of my work at home job.

    To be honest, there are some days that I really prefer the peace and quiet of nobody but me home.

  16. #15
    Registered User mom2three's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    618
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    16

    Default

    I guess I am a bit strange. For the most part, I am not bored, just exhausted. I have three children (ages 7, 4, 2) and have another due in early December. Our family has a lot of food intolerances so I research recipes and cook pretty much everything from scratch. Over the last year, we renoed our house to sell it and moved halfway across the country. We got here about 2 1/2 mos ago and I am still trying to bring order to the house. I read, cook, bake, try to craft (first time in ages), garden, do house and yard work, etc. I am doing some research online in terms of reading medical literature and looking at basic biochemistry again (I have a Ph.D. in Biochemistry and am trying to figure out the underlying cause of food intolerances). If I do find myself getting lonely, I call a friend, otherwise I pray or play with my children. My four year old could actually talk your head off, big words and all. I take my kids to the library (and chat with the librarian) and park. I can see a time ahead when it will be a bit less busy. I will then pursue a diploma in holistic nutrition by correspondence (2 year program). This works for me as I have a keen interest in it and I figure I can try to start a consulting business that works around my family to supplement our income. I would recommend finding something that intersts you and pursuing it.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •