things have been real hard for awhile now....
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  1. #1
    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    Default things have been real hard for awhile now....

    Hi. I'm Patty and I joined a year or so ago.I am returning once again to the village from an absence.My husband has been on workmans comp for the past six months.I am a sahm and can't work right now due to a mental disability but have been denied SSD or SSI three times.Some months we live on 500 dollars when his checks are late.Other months we get the full thousand.I am getting so desparate.We are so deeply in debt,have been for years but now we can't even make minimum payments for any creditors.I feel guilty when I buy anything, including food if I get something that isn't an Essential.I have a daughter who is 21 months old and I have so much worry that I can hardly enjoy her.I also am finally getting over post partum depression which is a very good thing.My husband can return to work in two months after back surgery.He is a custodian and I pray he dosen't injure himself again.I have to be more disciplined even now with what I use money for.Im so tired of being at this level,but there are no quick answers.I just have to wait til my DH can work again.We want to get out on our own from living with my parents and would also like to have a second child someday.I just want some respite from this difficulty and want to have a good attitude.We owe something in the neighborhood of 20,000 dollars in credit card debt as well as personal loans.These loans we had taken to pay for things we couldn't afford.I have told my husband I just don't want to be part of the finaces anymore I just am too stressed from it.To give me an allowance for food and everything else and I will budget that.I get so obssesive over things I feel like Im terribly self centered.I want something else in my life to focus on other than family bills and the fact that we are so desparate.I had been doing yoga on my own and need to start up again.I also meditate.I haven't been painting for some time or done any scrapbooking.I have plenty of these hobbies but have been so in a rut that I forgot they were there.I will start them up again.My medicine has recently been adjusted but my concentration isn't what it once was.I apologize for the length of this post and the fact that it is all over the place.Life has just been so hard.I need some help figuring out a budget and sticking to it and finding a way out of this hole.So I come here to you Ladies, in hopes Iwill renew and find friendship and find some solution to my troubles.Thanks-

    patty

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    Hugs to you Patty, I know that things can be extremely overwhelming at times and right now it's your in a place it's hard to see the end to. Take a deep breath, take your baby out for a walk and appreciate the day, the weather, the fresh air.

    I know the bills can be overwhelming, can you and hubby do them together?

    I'm glad you have family to help you at this time, they can be such a blessing.

    I know that many others on here will be able to offer you a lot of help, shoulders and ideas with this, we're all here for you.

    kj

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    Registered User dwallyfam's Avatar
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    Default



    Kellie

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    Patty,

    I know you can get through this, although it's incredibly difficult. If you haven't read it already (maybe even if you have) I would suggest getting "The Tightwad Gazette" out of your library and reading it. The author does a great job of motivating her readers to save money and enjoy life while doing so.

    Being financially strapped is awful, but if you take it one step at a time, the day will come when you are paying your bills in full and saving money. It's hard to see now, but every time you don't buy a non-essential, every time you reuse an item instead of replacing it, etc. you are getting closer to that day.

    Have you or DH called your creditors to make new payment plans? If you're not up to it, maybe you can get the numbers together for him and he can make the calls so it's a joint effort. Creditors would rather see something from you than nothing, so may be willing to work with you. If you have lower minimum payments to make each month you may feel less stressed, plus taking charge of the situation may help you feel more hopeful of the future.

    Also, if you can manage this, try to set aside some time to work on finances, then try not to think about them elsewise. If you start worrying about the situation tell yourself "I'll deal with that Thursday or at 2:00pm" or whatever time you've set, then try to move on to something more productive like playing peek-a-boo with your little one.

    Good luck!

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    It sounds like you're taking the bull by the hors and trying to be pro-active in your life. I always get annoyed when people just complain and don't do anything about their situation. You, on the other hand, are trying. I think that's great! All things are time-limited (usually). You will get through it and be stronger!

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    Registered User Buckeye5's Avatar
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    Patty, take the time to look at all of the posts about frugal recipes, etc. this will not only help you but it will give a new inspiration. You are not alone!! This site has helped me tremendously, try to take the time to get away from stress, and enjoy your baby. Babies grow too fast. Maybe if you feel like it, talk to a church clergy or something in that nature, just to unload. Carrying burdens by yourself is tough. We will listen and hopefully help on here too. Call your creditors, etc. there is hope. Stay strong, and God bless.

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    Hi Patty,
    Hugs to you. I hope you are able to gain from the forums. There is inspiration and ideas available daily. My sympathy to you for all the trouble you are experiencing right now. Things will get better. Love the little one and know that she is the most important thing. Hopefully you can take care of her and you and the rest will come.

  9. #8
    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    Default thank you so much!

    The outpouring of support makes me feel so much better.There are some wonderful ideas you all have given me.I will read the tightwad gazzette-I have also once read Mary Hunt's book and will get it out again to refresh my mind and so.I am going to browse the forum for a bit-Happy Mothers day to all you Mom's!

    thanks again-

    Patty

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    Registered User miss_thrifty's Avatar
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    I've been there too!!! Up to my eyeballs in debt. and little or no money coming in. Years ago, 2 children under the age of 5 and felt like I couldn't hardly breathe sometimes for harrasments from bill collectors. I have always been SAHM. And it's never easy. I now any of us in the forumn have many stories that may help you otr answer your questions.
    (((HHHUUUGGGSSS))) to you and your family.


    There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will.
    Epictetus

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    Registered User Scattymum's Avatar
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    many ((Hugs)))

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    Registered User betharoo0's Avatar
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    have you ever thought of debt counceling? we joined concumer credit counceling service about 2 years ago and they helped us alot! i just had to get all my bills together faxed them or mail them copies, and they lowered my interest and it stopped all the bill collecters calling! some of my cards were at like 30% and now they are 9.9% this company is oneof the FEW counceling services you can find and are backed bt the BBB. they will work with you about monthly payments and will most likely waive the fee(they did for me)
    the way i look at it its better to be in debt counceling then having charge offs.etc... and articles i have read have said being in credit counceling is no longer counted as a negitive on your credit report.
    btw....
    it will get better... and i know the pain of postpartum(tears for ya) i know it girl!!!! there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel!ALWAYS
    keep us posted and never feel unworthy to vent we all need to get this stuff off our chest.http://www.cccsintl.org/

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    Hugs and prayers.

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    Registered User staceyy's Avatar
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    Is bankrupcy an option for you? I understand it doesn't help though if you don't resolve to do everything possible to never find yourself in that same position again.

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    Patty, {{{Hugs}}}

    I too suffer from mental illness and am on medication that seems to wreck havoc with my concentration and focus. My suggestion is to pick your best time of day to read "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" and make notes on ideas that you could implement. Only pick a few though. And pick the ones that will make the biggest difference monetarily.

    If you don't have a 'best time of day', talk to your doctor. You may be having medication problems. I've had to adjust mine quite a bit over the last five years, but I've finally got it so it's manageable.

    I used to be a night owl. Now my best time of day is in the morning, before I take my noon pill. I've changed my sleeping schedule so I am in bed early at night and up early (6:30 a.m.) in the morning. I get a full 6 hours of lucidity and activity in before succumbing to a state of befuddlement from the drug in the afternoon.

    I plan my day to take advantage of the situation. In the morning I do things that require concentration, focus and decision making. In the afternoon I am hopeless at these. I do mindless, repetitious stuff that doesn't require a lot of thought. Like mending, laundry, etc.

    I always lay down for awhile in the afternoon...usually within 20 minutes of taking my pill. It really exhausts me. I'm out for about 45 minutes and then up again for the rest of the day. If I don't take this 'nap', then I definitely need one around 3 p.m. So I absolutely insist on afternoon tea at the very least. Usually I rest or have a nap for up to an hour. Then I'm good to go for the evening. Usually I finish off projects I've started (things that just require follow through...no decision making), pay bills, write letters, sort through flyers, pick up around the house, etc. Then bed early and up again early in the morning for the fun stuff.

    HTH I haven't been as desperate as you folks, but I do understand the medication end of things. I know you can work your way out of this with all the good advice these ladies have given you! Go for it! We're here for you! {{{Hugs!}}}

    Jean

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    Registered User patra's Avatar
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    Default thank you

    I thank you ladies for your replies and advice.Bankruptcy is something we have thought of but not sure we want to go that route.We are currently in a debt counseling program and have been for three years.What threw us off track was my husbands injury, it was an event we were not prepared for.All of the creditors dropped us from the program, but we now are getting ourselves back on track and have set up a payment plan with greenpath and they will send out new proposals.I started working at buy buy baby in huntington,and love it.I am payed a decent salary for retail, and from what I can see employees are treated well.I mean to take the tightwad gazette out of the library, as well as Mary Hunt's book debt free marriage, but I didn't get them yet.I am very hopeful for the future.

    thanks, Patty

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