Is your SO supportive of you sah???

[littlemotherhaywood]

I've worked pt off and on since we had our dd almost seven years ago. Now, I haven't worked in quite a while and I'm feeling some serious resentment from my dh. We only have one car. We live in a state where we know nobody. He's working three jobs right himself. He teaches a night class two hours a week, works till just after two at the school and works about ten to fifteen hours at Sherwin Williams. I try to show him how much I appreciate how hard he's working to support the family, but he doesn't seem to appreciate how hard I work here at home to manage things. It's gotten really frustrating to me. I try to maintain a frugal lifestyle and he still wants instant gratification and just says we need to make more money.

[i.m.cheap]

We have the single car issue here also. My DH works a full-time job, and is also a full-time college student. I work 12-15 hours a week. We only have dinner together on Sunday nights. Sometimes I think DH resents the fact that I only work part-time, but he also insists that we continue to homeschool. What am I supposed to do? I am working whenever DH is available to watch dd, and I can have the car to get to work.

[3-boys-4-me]

Yes, my DH is very supportive me being a SAHM. He is also supportive of me when I say I would like to have a part time job just to get out of the house. He's a pretty good guy.
I read your other post and just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel ashamed if you file for bankrupcy. You've tried to avoid it and it's just not working. You can't allow your finances to influence your family and marriage. You've got to what is best for your family and if that means filing brankrupcy then so be it. You won't be judged here. Best of luck to you, I will be thinking of ya. It will all work out, keep us updated.

[PennyPinchinPam]

He is very supportive and has even said after we retire from the military he'd like for me to still be able to SAH if I'd like. I'm thinking of taking on a part time job to help pay off our debt and to pad our budget while he's gone to Korea next year. My ds will be 12 and can help with dd after he goes through the babysitter course here on base.

Sounds like it's a good idea to sit down and really discuss this with him.

[MOMMYDEAREST]

oh littlemotherhyawood, staying at home with your children during the day is the biggest job in the world. i'm a mother of 4, plus we do foster care. some days, i have up to 6-7 kids. my dh is just starting to realize what a big job i have. its a 24/7 job, nonstop!!!!!! maybe dh should stay home with the kids for a few days & give him a taste of what its like. i guarantee he will change his mind......and if he don't.......i'm out of ideas. good luck!!!!! being a mother isn't a easy job, hang in there honey!!!

[bevjean]

I had thought my hubby supported the idea of me staying home, it was what we always said we wanted. He has changed his mind completely. He has decided that next May I need to get a job. I will have a few more college credits under my belt so hopefully I'll be able to do something a bit better than burger flipping. He is a teacher and he got his real estate license this past year. Some weeks he puts in a lot of time with the realtor stuff, other weeks he does almost nothing. So the only dependable income is the teaching. He makes enough for the basics, but he says we need to have more income to put back for retirement and the boys college. He is probably right, but the thought of going back to work scares the snot out of me. I worked nine years in a massively crumby low paying job, my bosses were idiots (I knew more about the job than they did). Plus I just don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I am taking the basic classes but can't decide on a major. I have two boys in school full time and next May the little one will be almost 4, so we may be able to get him into a preschool, or daycare for just one year before K.

[marie_squared]

i stayed home for two and a half months and after that, quickly felt the wordless resentment of my not getting a job. we have no children, but i did manage the housekeeping and managed to get our expenses down more than fifty percent. i always had dinner ready and waiting when he'd come home and he'd never have to worry about laundry or groc. shopping or anything! -- i still do most all of that now, though im also working. i liked staying at home and keeping the house and things. i felt very underappreciated though. i know that it was alot easier for me because i dont have any children, but i still have my hands full most of the time.

maybe if you talk to him and show him what you actually do in a "play by play" sort of way. write it down or point it out if you have to. the other day my dh and i got real comfy in the living room. before i knew it, it was a disasterous mess. i cleaned it up and made it shine again, but when he returned it was as though he had not even noticed that it was ever dirty or that someone had taken the time to clean it. - he'll leave his shoes under the table or in the kitchen and in the morning will sometimes make a rucus because theyre not in the "shoe basket" where we keep all the shoes and im thinking.. you never put them in there how do you expect to find them there when youre looking for them??? only because I PUT THEM THERE are they ever in there. argggghh... i better stop before i go on about that shoe basket.

honey, know that we're here for you!

-marie.

[littlemotherhaywood]

Thanks ladies I guess some men get it and some men don't. Do your dh's procrastinate too? My dh will either tell me he never heard more or wait three days to do something I've asked him to do. I just don't get that.

[3-boys-4-me]

Do your dh's procrastinate too? My dh will either tell me he never heard more or wait three days to do something I've asked him to do. I just don't get that.

LOL, you only have to wait 3 days? I have been waiting for 4 years to have a patch on the wall sanded and painted and 2 years to have the driveway repaired. Yeah, he's a bad procrastinator.

[frugalfarmwife]

Awww hun, I know things are tough right now but they WILL get better!

I'm in a VERY unique situation, when we met I came in with a LOT more to the relationship but hubby has worked and brought in so much that we're equals in all ways. I don't have children but I do have 82 acres, a huge herd of horses, 8 cattle, a garden, a house and to many dogs/chickens/cats/bunnies/turkeys to count. My place in the relationship is to keep the house livable (lol, notice I don't say clean!) Keep the laundry clean, the critters fed, the bills paid (he doesn't even have a CLUE what the amount of his paycheck is!) and make sure there's enough money to keep it all running, the bills paid and savings put back.

We each have our own relationships and have to work our way through how they work, what our places are in them and what to do day to day, you'll find the way out of this and things will work out.

The biggest thing is to make sure you keep talking!!

kj

[FrugalWitch]

My husband loves me being a sahw (no kids), he has said he would prefer I not get an job. He loves the homecooking and having time to spend together.

My first marriage however, I was the poor idiot working 3 jobs while ex worked one job and complained constantly and wanted to quit. His rationality was if I was working 3 jobs why should he work? Do note he is an ex-husband.

Working 3 jobs is misery, sheer, exhausting misery. Maybe a comprise? He could work 2 of his 3 jobs and maybe you could get a part-time job? I know with only one vehicle it's rough (been there done that), That's the only advice I can offer.

Good luck.

FrugalWitch

[YankeeMom]

FrugalWitch, I've had one of those husbands (the ex) lol.

My dh was fine with me being a sahm until we hit money troubles. Then he was really anxious for me to be working. My only issue with finding a job was I had to conform my availability around everyone else's schedule. We have two cars, but we also have four children and three dogs to care for (the cats take care of themselves ).

I do work, only weekends. BUT I manage to get about 20hrs in over those two days. It's enough to ease the stress on the budget and it gets my husband off my back lol.

[Shellshome]

I don't work outside the home and I don't have kids. When we moved to this town for dh job there is not much in jobs other then factory and railroad (which he works at and I don't want to work the same place he does) and a factory I just would rather not do and they are always laying off anyways.

I am right now looking for something part time in town a lot of things are out of town and take about an hour to get to either way and for me with the price of gas and my suv it doesn't pay to do that.

We do have 2 cars so that helps a lot and they are paid for so that is even better but I know that I want to find something part time. I am looking for something that will help with the bills and also give us some extra cash in savings which we really need to do.

Dh loves having a clean house, clean laundry and home cooked meals which I do almost every day very seldom anymore do we eat out which is great. I actually have learned I love to cook. Never thought I would say that to be honest.

But maybe you could look for something part part time when he isn't working because to be honest you would be spending most of your paycheck if not all of it on day care and what would the point be really then.

Maybe you guys just need to sit down and talk and show him what it would cost for day care another car and so forth for you to be able to work outside the home I understand were you are coming from I have always worked and this is the 1st time that I haven't and I am bored, I am how many times can Sami on days of our lives screw up really? So talk to each other and see if there is something you can work out.

Good luck! I know this is a hard time for you I read the other thread but you have to do what is best for all involved and if that means trying to find something part part time when he is home then go for it. I also think it would help you to get out of the house and meet people in the area. That is also one of the reasons I want to get a job somewhere.

[sixfreds]

Some peopel get it and some don't.
My hubby has always been supportive but he grew up with both parents not there, divorced and both working and so fromt he start it was agreed that I would stay home with the kids so one parent is always here.

Now that the triplets are in 3rd grade I have gone to work part time I do a meals on wheels route everyday that is from about 9 am to about 12:30 BUT I am home before and after school gets out.

Staying at home is a hard full time job, Dr. Phil even says it is like 2 full time jobs so it is hard!!!
Eileen

[JustJoy]

My DH wasn't very supportive in the beginning. About 4 years ago I quit a job where I was bringing home over $2000 a month plus the occasional bonus check. He would come home everyday and ask me if I'd gone on any interviews, had any prospects for a new job, etc. After a couple of months of half-hearted looking and interviews I had a talk with DH and told him I'd really like to try to be a homemaker. He said we'd give it a try, but was really scared. I told him we'd be able to do it.... I'd make sure of it. That's when my major frugality came into play....lol. When I was working, I would think nothing of going out every weekend and buying clothes, shoes, things for the house, etc. I believe he thought I was going to continue to do that.

Now... 4 years later... DH doesn't want me to go back to work. He's spoiled...lol. His house is always clean, his laundry and cooking done, I run almost all of the errands, make sure all of the bills are paid, do the grocery shopping and on and on. When we were both working outside the home we shared the cooking and clean up, he did his own laundry, helped with the house cleaning, he paid the bills, did the grocery shopping with me, etc.

Although money has been a little tight a few times, we are actually doing pretty well. We have been able to buy new living room furniture (complete with tables), a new washer & dryer, taken a few vacations and more.... all without using credit cards.

Hang in there. The beginning is rough until you get things figured out. It will get better if you work at it.