Complete role reversal
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  1. #1

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    Default Complete role reversal

    When I was married I was a SAHM for 5 years.Then we got divorced and i was forced back into work.Now I am with my BF,who is a SAHD to my 2 kids(they are not his...I know hes great!)And I'm bringing in the paycheck.I thought this would be weird for me.But it isn't.It actually works out better this way.We don't have to pay for daycare.Things around the house are always done.It's going to be tight until he finds a job.But I've decided I'm not going to force him into doing something that will take away from his happiness or mine!A lot of our friends don't understand this.The majority of what i hear is "anything is better than nothing...even Mcdonalds".But really is anything better than nothing?He'd be misserable working there.He'd come home in bad moods.I'd have to adjust my hours so one of us is home with the kids.Even though it'd be a little extra money it just doesn't seem worth the stress of a job he can't stand.I'm naturaly a homemaker.I think its in my blood.So it makes things even better.Only thing is he can't cook to save his life..so bring on the freezer meals!Anyone else have what I would call a role reversal?

  2. #2
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    My husband and I did for a year. He was awful at it and decided he wanted to go back to work and go to school, lol. It's not that he's a bad dad or anything, you could just tell being a sahd wasn't for him. It made him depressed so we had to switch back which was fine with me because I missed the kids and a clean house.

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    Registered User lwlynch's Avatar
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    I think it is great. It doesn't matter who is bring in the check, if you have a real working together relationship. My husband do what we got to do. I am the lucky one and I stay home, but if it was reversed I would do what ever to keep us safe and happy. I could also work (i watch a few kids for grocery money), now that my kids are older but we find that it isn't worth it to sacrifice being happy, and healthy. Sometimes, money just gets soooo in the way..

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    Registered User ktsmama's Avatar
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    I am single, but I think whatever works for two people is their business. I think it is great that you two have everything worked out to benefit what you and your family needs!

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    Registered User lisettelovebug's Avatar
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    Me and Dh may end up doing this dependent on what happens with this strike. He may end up being able to go to school and get unemployment because the comp sent work overseas. We'll see. But if this happens he will stay at home with kids and just take classes - we would only need a sitter when he had classe.
    But we'll see what happens. not sure how he would handle everything..... LOLL

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    I don't see anything wrong with your BF staying home and caring for the children. Would it be more acceptable to your friends if you were staying home with them? As long as your BF isn't some child molesting axe murderer then who cares! Oh, I am sassy today! Seriously, if it's working for the 2 of you, then continue doing what you're doing. Just ignore them, if you're both happy then you're obviously doing something right.

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    Registered User Edna_E's Avatar
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    I did 20 years ago. I loved having a SAHH (no kid at the time)! He did NOT love it, though, because he was bored and felt "useless". I could never get through to him that helping make our lives better and mine easier WAS useful - and APPRECIATED!!!! I think you need to not listen to what others are saying about it - they really don't know the details.

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    Boy can I relate ! So the answer is yes, we have 'role reversal' in my household. I have heard that same exact statement of "anything is better than nothing...even Mcdonalds".

    Unfortunately, you can't change the mindset of others. Now if I were the one staying home - the statements wouldn't be made. Funny, how its acceptable for one to be stay at home and not the other. There isn't anything wrong with it at all. My DH does not hold back in contributing to the household, his day is just like mine would be if I were at home. He does the laundry,cleans the house, cooks, washes the dishes,mops,vacums and even does the grocery shopping - its not like he is staying at home watching soap's or playing video games all day.

    Yes, things are tough for us financially, and when I hear the statement of 'Anything is better than nothing... even Mcdonalds'. I just cringe, because it will not solve the financial problems that we are facing, but it would have a direct impact on the family. People who make such statements miss the point that the issue isn't necessarily the amount of Money coming into the household, its the poor or lack of management of it that is the key.

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    Registered User seadream's Avatar
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    We are going through this right now. Granted we have no children yet, but dh quit his job of 19 years 3 months ago because he just couldn't put up with their nonsense any more. So he is taking some time off to relax and enjoy life before looking for another job.
    We are fine with this and it is no one else's business besides ours.

  11. #10
    Registered User Michelle68's Avatar
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    I'm a home health nurse and DH works part-time evenings so that he can be home with the kids (now just kid) when our son gets home from school, when he's sick, during the summer, etc. We've worked it out like this for years and it works very well for us. It's not a complete role reversal since he still does work (pizza delivery), but I think role reversal situations can work extremely well, especially for a family with children.


    --Michelle

  12. #11
    Registered User cottageliving's Avatar
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    I think that you and your BF need to just keep doing what works best for you. Don't be swayed by others' judgements -- most people would also have you buying too big of a house, too expensive a car, and on and on.

    Keep up the good work.

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    I applaud you and your BF for finding something that works for you. I know of five friends whose DH/BF/SO stay at home while the DW/GF/SO work out of the house and it works wonderfully for them.

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    Registered User i.m.cheap's Avatar
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    If it works for you, I think that is great. We never paid child care, because my DH and I always worked opposite shifts. The only possible "downside" I see to your BF's situation is explaining the gap in his resume if he is off work a long time. Employers are a little more excepting of a woman taking time off from the workforce when they have young children. If he could take a few college classes in the evening, it would help explain the time off from working, and also make a better paying job a possibility down the road.

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    I am a stay at home dad and proud of it!! Have been since our first was born. Wife made more money then me and had much better benefits. Most importantly she loves her job! We both love the arrangement and ignore those who make snide comments. We had promised each other before we were married that one of us would always be home with the kids
    We do have goals/dreams we wish to accomplish that make it a bit harder with one income. One of the reasons why I was happy to find this site. So many great ideas so far!

  16. #15
    Registered User kittykatstrong's Avatar
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    My DH stays home with the kids and while many people I am sure have thought it weird no one has said anything to me.

    It works for us and that is what matters. Do I sometimes wish I were at home "you betch", do I sometimes wish my DH had a job "you betch" but that is what is working for us right now and that is no ones business but ours.

    Katy

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