Do you have any friends that think...
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  1. #1
    Registered User baxjul's Avatar
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    Default Do you have any friends that think...

    just because you are home all day, that you have all kinds of time to do things for them? Like, get their kid off the bus (my neighbor), or make them stuff (crochet)? It's not like I sit around eating bon bon's all day (although that would be nice). Does anyone else have this problem?

  2. #2
    Registered User IntlMom's Avatar
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    This must be a regional thing, cause here in small town KS, most of my friends are also SAHMs, we all realize that we are overworked, and underpaid!!

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    Registered User danni's Avatar
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    I get that sometimes too, but not alot.

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    Yes!! I have one neighbor who took such advantage of me when our dd's were younger........we would carpool but I was the one who drove every single day.......she wanted to sleep in!

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    Registered User pkellyc's Avatar
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    Yes. I had a neighbor that used to ask me to mend all their clothes. What nerve.
    I also made custom draperies for years. So anyone who knows that I can, just assumes that I can whip up a few pair at home in no time. I stop that by telling them that I will teach them how to make their own.

    As far as putting kids on the bus? I have a 9 year old boy that I have had since birth that I take off the bus, and I get paid to do it. I never thought it would go on and on all these years. I loved them all but he is my last day care child. With the exception of my grandson that I can not get enough of.

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    Registered User baxjul's Avatar
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    I have a daycare at home, sothey seem to think that "one" extra kid doesn't matter! I immediately tell them how much it will cost them for me to get them, then they drop it!

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    Registered User dolphin's Avatar
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    I used to have this problem when I had school aged children and had 3 or so months off of work at a time. I just started saying no, dh has errands lined up for me, I have a doctors appointment or some other excuse. I got tired of being used.

    Now that I'm retired I did have several request for babysitting at first and I just flat out told them that I would love it but dh's nerves couldn't handle children so there was no way and that is the truth. He had no problem telling people 'h no!, lol. When people found out that I crochet and make quilts and sew I did have several people 'tell' me that I would be making their grandchildren or themselves a quilt. I thought it was rude and invasive of my time and money (as they never offered to come up with that $40.00 that it cost for the yarn or replace fabric or buy new or even consider paying me for the item I was making them), and so I just told them I couldn't be depended on to complete projects on a time schedule because of all of my illness'. I'm ok putting pressure on myself to complete some project by a certain date but I can't stand it when someone else does it for me. Tends to make me hate doing the project.

    If you're going through this now, you're just going to have to learn to say no to some people who you feel are using you. Believe me, they will find someone else to do their chores when you stop. During the times I didn't work and had small children of my own, I could still fill up my 24 hours a day all by myself and I'm sure you can too.

    I believe you should 'give' all you can give of your time, talents, and self but when the joy is gone from those things, it's time to pull back and stop doing what you don't enjoy even if you think you are needed. It puts too much stress on your life and the happiness is all gone. Does that make sense?

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    lol...not really funny but I had this happen when I was working full time and the other mom was a sahm...the kid wound up moving in with us and brought his little brother to boot. I let it go on for several months and woke up. Duh I'm working 40+ hrs a week doubled my laundry and providing all the food and everything else these kids needed while she sat on her behind and on welfare. Bull'ony got tired of it now we don't talk (well of course if she needs something she'll call) still love the kids and they are welcome on weekends only.

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    I haven't had this problem at all. I am one of the few SAHM's in my neighborhood. Most of the other mom's work and so their kid's are in daycare, so we don't have any problems. THeir kids go to afterschool care or aren't home for the mom's to ask me to keep an eye on them.

    In May, I will start watching my next door neighbors baby, but they are my best friends and they approached it the right way. They asked me straight out, how much for me to watch her. Honestly, I thought about doing it for free, but then I thought...if I say yes, and I end up watching this child until she starts kindergarten....then I should get something for it!

    Plus, I don't think I advertise to friends that I sew! Honestly, I think maybe only 1 or 2 of them know I can sew, and those are the ones that share the interest and can sew themselves!

  11. #10
    Registered User pammy's Avatar
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    It was one of the reasons why I went back to work last year. "You must be so bored...' so they would push things on me, to "help me out". It was very frustrating. I had to get me and just say no.

    And then when I was a hairdresser, I would get people fling that at me all the time, 'it's just a quick trim' on my day off. Family was the worse. My mom used to even tell people that I would cut their hair for free at gatherings, it was insane!! After telling them my working hours it would usually end there.

    Don't know why some people think they are allowed to monopolize YOUR time. grr...

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    Yes I can totally relate!!!! I don't mind cometimes, but other times it drives me nuts!!! I just remind them that taking care of 6 kids is a full-time 24/7 job.

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    Registered User cab54's Avatar
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    Oh, I HAVE to ump in here and oin this group for a rant!

    I was a SAHM, and am now a SAHW (kids grown) and everyone has always acted as though I was home popping bon bons and watching the soaps!! (for the record, I have never seen a soap opera). I was doing mom-volunteer work at the kids' school, cleaning the sanctuary at our church, cleaning our home, taking kids to early algebra classes in the VERY early AM who's moms had to be to work, taking kids (besides my own)to sports practice at night who's moms weren't home from work yet, having several kids over right after school because we were the 'cash place'.

    I had moms tell me 'well, you wouldn't know how it is, you only have 2 kids and you don't work." Whaaaa? I have 2 of YOUR kids over all of the TIME, in my pool, making sure they don't DROWN and sleeping over almost every weekend ALL weekend, buying them pizza and feeding them meals, and they come over here on snow days after they've had their snowball fights out there, and I give them cocoa and bake cookies for them. I may not be raisisng your kids, but I defintiely feed and take care of more than two!!

    Now that I'm a SAHW, everyone thinks I have even more time on my hands. I'm still cleaning, cooking, laundering, shopping, and I clean my dad's place every other week, take him food, and shop for HIM. I do ALL of the holidays parties for DH's family, and half of the ones for my side.......

    Need I say more? Let's form a club!!

  14. #13
    Registered User cab54's Avatar
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    That first line was supposed to be 'jump' and 'join'.....

    and it's 'crash place', not cash place. Sorry.

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    I haven't run into this yet fortunately. Our block has mostly older couples or singles.

  16. #15
    Registered User justpeachy92's Avatar
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    I get it quite often, the request starts with since you have nothing better to do. I still get it now that I am in school fulltime, guess studying doesn't qualify for anything I have to do.

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