Stepson's First Girlfriend
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    Registered User GM97's Avatar
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    Default Stepson's First Girlfriend

    I just need to find out your opinion about this. My stepson is turning 15 this month and he has a 13-year old girlfriend. My DSS has no friends at all in his neighborhood (he is not allowed to go out and play outside when he was younger because they live in the city, according to his mother). They've been going out for about 15 months which means the girl was only 12 when they started getting close. My DH used to get DSS every other weekend but became weekly when DSS and GF met (GF is my neighbor). DSS and GF are very close (physically) all the time. I would see them kissing, hugging outside here and there, in the curb, at the back of my house. I personally don't like it coz they are too young but and just not proper, maybe I am from a totally different generation. Now here is my problem, I have two girls, seven and two years old. The seven years old started saying that she saw her brother and the GF kissing and laying on the ground. I talked to DH about this and he talk to DSS to not to touch her anymore. They are allowed to stay in our house but they don't like it, they are outside most of the time or at the back. One night it was raining, the GF came in my house as I was making dinner and I just heard my DD said "yuck, that is gross". I knew they were kissing in front of my girls so I came out and said, "I would really appreciate it if you don't do it in front of the girls". He answered back that she is leaving anyway. I was so mad that I was literally shaking. I know that they are teenagers but I don't want my kids exposed to these kind of things at this time. Plus my 7 year old DD knows she is only 13. I don't want DD to think that it is allowed and it is okay that when she turns 13, guys can touch her or kiss her. DH and I are also affectionate to each other but we don't kiss in public, I mean we kiss for about a second not long, torrid kiss. DH is not so concern about it and according to him he already talked to DSS. I still see them outside kissing and hugging all the time. Do I need to be a bitch and be mean? Or should I just nag DH to take care of this or I'll take my DD when DSS is visiting?

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    Teens kiss, and hug, is it right? Probably not. The bottom line is that you find it inappropriate in and around your home. Rules have to be made that will work for you and your DH. DSS will have to live with the rules or not be allowed to see his GF. Whatever punishment you and DH see fit. The problem may be agreeing on said rules and punishment.

    My suggestion would be to sit down with DH, DSS, the GF and explain the rules of your home (something you and DH have previously discussed and agreed upon). Tell the kids they are welcome to spend time together in your home, but because of the smaller children you expect them to set a good example. Tell them what good example you expect to see. Tell them you know they would like to be affectionate with each other, and while you find it inappropriate if they will respect the rules then maybe you could take them and drop them off at a movie or allow them a "movie date" in your home while entertaining the smaller children upstairs, drop in on the movie date (if at home) to make sure things are PG. IF they choose to disobey the rules in your home you will not allow GF over for a week (or whatever punishment is acceptable to you and DH).

    This is just an example, but I don't think you should have to take your younger children out just so DSS and GF can play kissy, kissy in your home. They can choose to follow the rules or not but then you've at least warned them.

    Good luck, this is a difficult situation, I'd love to know how it goes.


    ETA: I had another thought, do they do this at her home as well? Is it acceptable to her parents? If you warn them, and it continues, it might be best to speak with her parents as well and let them know your concerns. They may be hiding it from them...
    Last edited by savvymom; 07-21-2008 at 04:43 PM.

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    Registered User Jamauk's Avatar
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    They are at the age where they are just starting to experiment with how their bodies feel, noticing the opposite sex, etc...

    I wouldn't have a problem with them holding hands or a little peck of a kiss in my home, but I don't personally want to see anyone making out regardless of their age. And no, its not appropriate to do those things in front of children.

    If I were you, I would sit down with DH and set up some ground rules and then all of you sit down together (DH, You, DSS, & GF) and discuss the rules (and the why behind the rules). Also let them know that if the rules aren't followed there will be consequences.

    Trust me, teenagers will find a place to make out if that's what they want to do. I don't think you'll be able to stop the behavior, but you'll at least be able to put a stop to it in front of your younger children.

    Good Luck....I'm sssooo not looking forward to the teenage years!

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    Registered User Missy's Avatar
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    I have a bigger problem with her age than anything. I think 13 is too young for any of that. That's just my honest opinion.

    I would set down the rules. let her parents know what you have set out in your home. Maybe they are trying too to do the same thing. A united front between your husband and yourself helps not only them but the younger kiddos too who might model the same behavior they are seeing.

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    Registered User GM97's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by savvymom View Post

    ETA: I had another thought, do they do this at her home as well? Is it acceptable to her parents? If you warn them, and it continues, it might be best to speak with her parents as well and let them know your concerns. They may be hiding it from them...
    I think they started it in the GF's house then the father didn't like it so they moved in our house but got reprimanded so now they are doing it outside, on the street. And my 7-year old plays outside all the time.

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    GM97, it seems that perhaps you, DH and the GF parents should get together to discuss what is considered appropriate and inappropriate in front of others, especially at this age. This is a sticky situation for sure, but I believe I would go with my gut instincts. Of course you'll be the worst parents in the world, that just tells you, you're doing a good job!

    Good luck! If you ever need to vent you're welcome to PM me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by savvymom View Post
    GM97, it seems that perhaps you, DH and the GF parents should get together to discuss what is considered appropriate and inappropriate in front of others, especially at this age. This is a sticky situation for sure, but I believe I would go with my gut instincts. Of course you'll be the worst parents in the world, that just tells you, you're doing a good job!

    Good luck! If you ever need to vent you're welcome to PM me.
    thanks guys for all your responses. i talked to dh last night and he asked where did i get that idea. i told him from my village! ha haha. anyways, the gf's family is at the ocean but we will approach them as soon as they get back. i just hope that they would not think we are overreacting. thanks again!

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    thanks guys for all your responses. i talked to dh last night and he asked where did i get that idea. i told him from my village! ha haha. anyways, the gf's family is at the ocean but we will approach them as soon as they get back. i just hope that they would not think we are overreacting. thanks again!

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    Registered User YankeeMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy View Post
    I have a bigger problem with her age than anything. I think 13 is too young for any of that. That's just my honest opinion.
    Same here.
    My oldest is 16 and she just now has her first 'real' boyfriend (meaning one who visits here here and it's not just about passing love notes in school). They are very VERY limited in where they can go together. She does not go to his house. When they are here, they are either on one of the porches or the backyard. All areas are VERY well visible from the house windows. Plus my sister likes to drive by every now & then and honk at her to let her know she's still in public view. Yes, they kiss but we are quite strict in the "face sucking" and laying all over each other crap. She wants to go on a real date...well first she has to prove to me that she can behave in front of my eyes then I'll trust her to behave when I can't see her lol.

    I'd start with talking to her parents. Chances are they are coming to your house because at her house she is more "guarded".

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    Registered User nvmommyx6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by savvymom View Post
    My suggestion would be to sit down with DH, DSS, the GF and explain the rules of your home (something you and DH have previously discussed and agreed upon). Tell the kids they are welcome to spend time together in your home, but because of the smaller children you expect them to set a good example. Tell them what good example you expect to see. Tell them you know they would like to be affectionate with each other, and while you find it inappropriate if they will respect the rules
    I agree, It is YOUR home, We had a similar situation with our daughter, sitting them down with the girl/boy friend present and putting your foot down, whether they are doing it outside or in, it is still a horrible example for the young ones!
    And if it continues, follow through, whatever the punishment was set to be, do it!
    Good luck
    Mommy

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