Exwife wants to be 'good' friends with me!
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  1. #1

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    Default Exwife wants to be 'good' friends with me!

    Help!
    My adult stepson emailed me today saying his mother wants to be a good friend of mine. My husband says no way, she left him and doesn't want any part of her. Why would she want to be friends, but good friends with me?!?!?!?
    Give me your opinons on this.
    Thanks

  2. #2
    Registered User Milly's Avatar
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    Was this completely out of left field? I mean, have you met the woman and/or do you live in the same community where you run into each other from time-to-time?

    I tend to be suspicious of people's motives (like Groucho Marx, I wouldn't want to be part of any organization that would accept me as a member), but if this is a case of you running in the same local circles, maybe there's a chilliness in the air that she would like to dispell.

    If she lives several states over, I'd ask my stepson exactly what she said. A wistful "I really like your stepmom and we could have been good friends under better circumstances" is very different from "Tell your stepmom I'm coming over and we're going to be good friends whether she likes it or not".

    Friendship has to be earned, anyway, doesn't it?

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    Registered User Moor's Avatar
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    Since the "child" is an adult, there might not be a need for it. But, if you live in the same city and have mutual friends, that might be the reason. I would really really look into this and find out her motives. I would also ask your step son how he feels.

    My step son did not want us to be friends. He still doesn't.

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    Registered User nvmommyx6's Avatar
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    as Jenny would say in forrest gump
    "RUUUUUUUNNNNNNN FORREEESSSTTTTT"!!!!!!!!

  6. #5
    Registered User Greebo's Avatar
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    Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit?

  7. #6
    Registered User monkeywrangler71's Avatar
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    It's kind of difficult to know what someone meant when it is filtered through a third party. It could have been as simple as her not wanting to be enemies or wanting to put aside past difficulties, rather than some kind of stalker-esque delusion that you are going to be her new bff.

  8. #7
    Registered User elphie's Avatar
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    In the long run it could be nice if you can get along... perhaps she is thinking of grandchildren in the future, their birthday parties and school plays etc. Or as another poster mentioned maybe it has to do with awkwardness when you see each other. I doubt she expects instant friendship... maybe she meant this as a future goal?

    Talk to dh, he knows her better than you, and see if he has any insight to what her motives might be. I have several divorced friends who remain friends when they are no longer married and some who just can't; each situation is different.

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    Registered User Lady_V's Avatar
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    I've been married twice and a first (and only) wife. The time may come when my ex (dd's dad) finds someone to be with, and I would like to think we'd be friends. The Ex and I are still very close and he is 'manfriends' with my other-half.

    If the ex and I fought like cats & dogs and suddenly his other-half wanted to be my "bestest friend in the whole wide world" I would think someone was 5 cans short of a 6 pack.

    Tread carefully. Even if her intentions are on the up & up, which seems a tad odd since she is not contacting you herself... your DH has made it quite clear he does not want her immersed in his life again.

  10. #9

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    I met the exwife twice before, once at my mother-in-law's funeral and once at the nail salon and there are no grandchildren. This gush for friendship is totally out of left field. We live in the same town,but rarely see each other.

    I am very civil with her, but I don't want to be best buddies. From my stepson's perspective she really wants to be best buddies. I told the step son that his father prefers that I keep a distance.

    I guess I am trying to understand "why" she wants to be my friend. We have nothing in common, except her former husband.
    Last edited by auntbkaraoke; 02-19-2009 at 02:50 PM. Reason: ex wife as a friend

  11. #10
    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    Maybe it was taken out of context by your step son.

    Have you ever seen the Reba show on lifetime? I just think of her and Barbara-Jean...definately not a situation you want!

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    Registered User AdamantEve's Avatar
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    Ayee chihuahua! the part that makes me leery is the "good" friends part. wouldn't saying friends suffice?

    it's good to be on friendly terms, but i would proceed with caution. your instincts should serve you well.

  13. #12
    lgw
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    Sounds like either your adult stepson misread the ex's intentions or the ex has ulterior motives. I'd keep my distance.

  14. #13

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    I might meet my Dh's ex next January. DSS says she wants to come here to Florida then. It doesn't bother me, we are completely different, which is why Dh married me. Also there is one more of his ex between this one. I have been married to Dh nearly as long as was. My Dh has met my ex.

  15. #14
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    I'd run as far away from that disaster as humanly possible. Nothing good ever comes out of an ex... except getting away from them.

  16. #15
    Registered User Debbie-cat's Avatar
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    Run as fast as you can!!!




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