His exwife called him today

**auntbkaraoke** · 02-23-2009, 10:06 AM

I just posted that she wanted to be a good friend with me, well she called him today. DH told me she had just called, and he was civil to her, but that was it. He said I didn't need to worry. I am a little upset by this phone call.

**thefrug** · 02-23-2009, 10:11 AM

Just put your sensors on yellow alert and keep an eye on her. sounds like she's up to something. couldn't tell you what exactly, but......
now, if she was in therapy and was trying to work thru some things, then wouldn't she be encouraged by the therapist to inform you both , that that is whats going on? I think so.
So, I'd just keep an eye on her. this whole thing out of the blue is just weird.IMO.

**Milly** · 02-23-2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by auntbkaraoke

I just posted that she wanted to be a good friend with me, well she called him today. DH told me she had just called, and he was civil to her, but that was it. He said I didn't need to worry. I am a little upset by this phone call.

What on earth is this woman thinking? Did he say what the reason for her call was?

**NewLeaf** · 02-23-2009, 10:17 AM

Oh no no no. They broke ties for a good reason, and now his new life is w/you. Unless there are children from the previous marriage there is no good reason for contact.

My ex wanted to "be friends". But dh and I said no because we need our life to be our own.

Just tell her you do not think it is a good idea to mix the old and new relationships. Tell dh no good can come of it.

Good luck.

**Darlene** · 02-23-2009, 10:45 AM

I'd just let the whole thing go, it's not worth getting all worked up about. Not even a tiny bit. You got the guy, you are happy, just get on enjoying your life. She can only be part of your day to day life if you let her. Just my 2

**MomToTwoBoys** · 02-23-2009, 11:32 AM

EXs wanting to be friends after the divorce = bad things

Trust me: I went through it. I had all sorts of exs who wanted to be friends that, in the end, wanted something (it was usually the guy I was with). Unless there's something that's still connecting them that's physical in nature (meaning material items), then I would tell him to stop talking to her. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and if he can't afford you that respect, perhaps he needs to re-weigh his priorities.

**Debbie-cat** · 02-23-2009, 11:35 AM

Try not to let it bother you but be on alert. She might be up to something.

**lgw** · 02-23-2009, 01:57 PM

This does sound strange, particularly because she wanted to outreach to you initially. Was your DH and ex's marriage a contentious divorce?

That said, my ex-DH and I still talk occasionally and are friends. Our divorce was mutual and amicable, though, and there were no kids or property involved. Each of us is happily married to other people now. Being friend with an ex-spouse can be pleasant and rewarding, but it requires moving on to a different stage in the adult relationship. If that's not possible, it's probably best to cut off ties.

**rainbowgc** · 02-23-2009, 05:20 PM

My Dh's ex used to call and write all the time. All it did was upset my DH because all she did (he said) was whine how miserable her life was. Finally I told him to tell her to stop calling and writing unless it had something to do with his son. She was just trying to make him feel guilty for being happy. He did tell her and now she no longer writes and calls maybe once a year. I don't really care cause he's all mine LOL

**FrugalWitch** · 04-12-2009, 04:39 PM

I remained friends with my ex-husband until he died on March 12, 2009. His sister chose me and my husband to write and deliver the eulogy at the memorial service.

My ex's family gave me his ashes to scatter in his favorite place. My ex and I had no problems remaining friends. My husband and ex grew to love each other like brothers.

There was nothing weird, funny or sexual going on between us. We started as friends and ended as friends.

**frugalnana** · 04-12-2009, 06:04 PM

I would just be on alert and listen. Maybe she's trying to make a change for the better. My ex and I had allot of issues when we divorced, we also had two children. Through years of talking and overcoming the abuse that happened we are now friends and I'm glad. My current dh is friends with Mike and they talk if he calls. My dh's ex passed away on March 26 2009 of cancer, they were never able to be friends, not because of him but her. We tried but to no avail.
Maybe I'm wrong here, but I feel if ones relationship is secure then you have no real threats. My dh is friends with ex girlfriends and woman he grew up with and I don't feel like they are on the move or he is. To this date he hasn't given me a reason to feel like he would do the unthinkable.

**Judi Dial** · 04-12-2009, 08:54 PM

If my ex-DH showed up and wanted to be friends, I'd flat tell him no. But I think a lot of this has to do with HOW the divorce went down and why. Divorce is a horrible thing and a terrible blow to your ego. I can understand wanting to get some kind of closure, but it isn't always reasonable for the other people involved. If you're uncomfortable with it, then that's enough. It doesn't matter if she wants to be friends, your DH is ok with it, or not. If one person in the marriage thinks it's a bad idea, it's a bad idea. My .02!

Judi