StepMoms
Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: StepMoms

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Age
    42
    Posts
    220
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    13

    StepMoms

    I think some stepmoms get a bad wrap, so I wanted to share my experience.

    When I was around 9 years old my Dad was casually dating, and decided he wanted to settle down. He had introduced me to two of the ladies he was dating as his friends and I got along with both of them. So one night he sat me down and explained he wanted to start dating one of the ladies and asked me which one I liked the best. Of course I liked them both, in different ways, and told him that. So we discussed what I liked about each one, and he asked if there was anything I didn't like. We spoke very candidly, in 9 year old terms, of course. I asked him which one he liked better and he told me he enjoyed his time with both of them.

    Somewhere along the way he chose Cherri. She was so much fun, and we all got along well. She was always very respectful of my Mom and didn't try to take her place. I know she had her opinion of her, but kept it to herself and stayed out of things between she and my Dad. She was just 25 years old at the time she and Dad started dating. Being 30 now, I know how difficult it must have been for her. She and Dad had a daughter when I was 13, Cherri trusted me with my new sister and taught me so much about helping to care for her.

    A couple of years later things went south for Cherri and Dad and she remarried. She was fair with our seeing my little sister. Our Dad passed away when my little sister was just 4 years old. Cherri made sure I still could talk to Chels (little sis) and made sure we still had a relationship. Her step dad adopted her after our Dad passed away and treated her as his own. He was always fair and respectful of me when he had no real relation to me, he also treated me as his own. Chels' step dad passed away during Christmas and it has been hard for them. Imagine losing two Dad's before your 17th birthday! Chels is a strong young lady and I'm so proud of her!

    Sorry, my point here is that Cherri was and is the best step parent I've ever had. She and I are still quite close, she even did my makeup when I got married. She taught me so much about life and love. I know I gave her heck during my teenage years, but she dealt with me with grace. I can only hope to be as good a person as she is!

    So step moms, if you're having a rough go just know it does matter. You are important, even though I'm sure you're not told that very often!

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,419
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    thanks... this is super sweet of you to do.
    i had a step mother growing up. she was cool, but after my father & stepmother moved away (i was about 10) i didnt have any contact with them after that. so what little i knew about her was really nice. she was a "friend" more than a "mom".
    now i'm a stepmom... and the few things i learned from mine (and my bio parents what NOT to do!) i do in my daily life.
    I support kiddo in doing whatever he wants... we have rules and limitations, but i'm super lenient with him, until he breaks a rule or doesnt follow thru on something he promised.

    But we never get a "thank you" for stepping in where one person (in my case) failed, or in others' cases, perhaps, couldn't deal, didnt want to stay or whatever. So this means a LOT.

    Thank you for sharing.
    It's wonderful to know that eventually we are appreciated - even if I can be the "red headed step monster" LOL

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    No. California
    Age
    58
    Posts
    388
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Very nice sentiments! I'm also a step-mom and have been for 26 years. I got to visit with both of my step-kids this weekend. They came up for the day (dss is in the army and was out here visiting), brought dsd's 4 yo dd, and along with their dad and our own two kids we had a great visit. And they each have kids of their own so now I'm grandma Funny - I met dh when his kids were almost two and just turned three. They are now 29 and 30 - so I've been around their whole lives. They never called me mom, but rather by my first name. But now that they have children of their own, I'm grandma Suits me just fine

  4. Remove Advertisements
    FrugalVillage.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    7
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    It was nice to read your story. I hope others learn from this experience.

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    1,401
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Wow what a powerful story. How lucky you are to have her in your life.

  7. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    U.S.
    Posts
    3,479
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    56
    Rep Power
    34

    Default

    I acquired a stepmom as an adult, and it was not good. She moved into my childhood home and expected that her rules would prevail, and that I'd automatically know what those were, or ask her. Needless to say, that didn't happen! (I was in my 20s.)

    Various other things contributed to our lack of harmony, but by in large, telling my dad that he should ask her to marry him was one of the worst suggestions I ever made!

    Judi

  8. #7
    Registered User DJ1972's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    MO
    Age
    48
    Posts
    1,380
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    19

    Default

    I am a stepmom to a beautiful 22 year old girl. I have been her stepmom since she was 6. I always went out of my way to show her that she was welcome in our home and part of our family. She has told me many times how thankfull she is that her dad married me. The best advice I ever got was from my mom before I married DH...."When you marry him, you marry his daughter, always treat her as if she were your own and never let your feelings for her mother show."

  9. #8
    Registered User rsbs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    277
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    As a fairly new step-mom (2 years now) Your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, it gives me hope. It is a difficult position for the SM's too & so few people appreciate the work that it takes to try & maintain balance.

  10. #9
    Registered User Megareader's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    1,416
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    22

    Default

    Your step-mom sounds like a wonderful human being. You and your sister are lucky to have her.

  11. #10
    Registered User Nishu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Monterey, CA
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,375
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    34

    Default

    Can I just add- sometimes we step kids tend to be little brats. It's a two way street. I've seen grown women get upset when their fathers remarry as though they were going to be his only girl forever. I've seen fights between step-kids and step parents over absolutely asinine things. I see people all the time get their undies knotted up over step-parents and then just decided to stop talking to their parents over it. Get over it! One day your parents are going to be around to be angry at.

    I like my stepmom but even if I didn't, I'd suck it up and get over it. My dad used to change my diapers. He worked his butt off for years taking care of four kids by himself. The least I can do in return is to let him have peace in his family and show respect for his marriage. Our parents deserve to be happy and we don't have a right to interfere in their marriages any more than they do in ours.

    /rant off

  12. #11
    Registered User struglew3kids's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    In CA
    Posts
    94
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    I have met many great step mom's. One of them was married to my ex's uncle. He had an affair and had a daughter with the other woman. The other woman dies, and so he has to take in his daughter and confess this to the wife. I could see she was having such a difficult time. I felt sorry for the girl. But after some time the woman realized that this little girl was not to blame. Her spouse once again cheated and left her. Guess who his daughter stayed with? Yup with her step mom. That shows you the love those two have for each other.
    I have 2 children living at home. I am dating a man with 3 kids. I know it will be rough as the oldest one still begs him to make up with their mom. His kids don't know about me yet. So I fear they will blame me for them not making up, even though they have been div. for 2 yrs. He and I had a crush on each other when we where a lot younger. His parents had issues with me as I had a child, and they moved away. Anyway I tell him that his kids could have been my kids and my boys could have been his, and that is the way I will treat them.

Similar Threads

  1. Need thoughts from 2nd wives/stepmoms -long
    By frugal.lass in forum Stepmoms and Second Wives
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 12-21-2010, 05:38 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •