Update to 'I'm quickly losing my patience'

**JustJoy** · 12-18-2006, 09:57 AM

Absolutely nothing has been resolved with my SD as DH and I had hoped it would be before the holidays. Although she has been to 3 therapy sessions so far.... she is being non-compliant as usual. She called here last night for the first time in 2 weeks trying to manipulate once again. And yelling & screaming at me about how everything in her life is all my fault, etc... I was proud of myself though... I totally kept my cool

What do you do with an almost 17 yr old girl who is blaming everyone in her life for her problems, refuses to be accountable or responsible for anything and just keeps saying..."Just let me act and be how I want to be and everything will be fine." ????????

I'm not new to the parenting thing....lol... I've already raised a 25 yr old son. But I never had anything close to the problems I'm having with her.

**Michelle** · 12-18-2006, 10:03 AM

Sorry you're going through this.

To be honest, she sounds like a typical 17 yr old. I think it's wonderful that she & your dh are going to counselling. It seems like only time & counselling are going to change things, so you're already on the right path. Hang in there, and good for you for keeping your cool

**celina** · 12-18-2006, 11:20 AM

all you can do is try, which you are doing...your dh has to step up too its his dd...and well other than that..hang in there....in hindsight you can have no regrets if you tried

**danni** · 12-18-2006, 01:17 PM

Sorry you are having these problems, my 17 yr old is a great kid and I've never had a problem with her, but your step-daughter sounds a lot like my 15yr old son and we've been having problems with him since he was about 12. Now he's living with his dad and I miss him so much, but it's nice to have a break from all the chaos. Sorry I don't have any advice to offer, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I'll keep you all in my prayers.

**qtkitty** · 01-06-2008, 08:03 AM

*hugs*

Totally been there... and of course there life is the worst of anyones who has ever lived... my Ex's oldest was like that she had a screaming match with me one day after her dad went to work over socks.. well it was the fact she came into her sisters room while we were trying organize and minimize her wardrobe and tried snag one of the remaining 2 pair of socks that the youngest had because her older sisters had taken all of hers.

She sat there and yelled at me at the top of her lungs that "they were HERS".. i told her they are to small for your feet .. "There mine".. you sister has 2 pair of socks left you and kasey have taken the rest of them.." Their mine" .. mean while trying to rip the rest of the socks from my hand and ended up scratching me and making me bleed.

Finally she got down to "I HATE YOU".. my calm response why.. "I HATE YOU".. yes but why do you hate me.." I HATE YOU".. That is fine you can hate me, but i would really like to know why.. *lol*

Needless to say in the middle of this the middle girl had called their grandparents cause she was "scared cause [the oldest] and i were fighting" and that they had been so scared they had been hiding under the oldests bed.. yeah right i know better cause it was to cluttered for anything to fit under there *lol* But my Ex's Stepdad kept asking me if i wanted him to come over and get the kids cause i couldn't handle it. Of course The oldest is still SCREAMING at the top of her lungs every so often while i am trying to talk to him. Finally talked him down from wanting to come over and snatch up the kids and could get back to what was at hand.

Anyways eventually we got to the bottom of it and she told me all the reasons why she hated me. We talked them through. It basically came down to that she wanted her mom and dad to get back together and her mom was telling her that if i was out of the way that they would get back together.

She didn't end up with the socks BTW although that pair ended up being so stretched out that the youngest couldn't wear them anymore.

After that incident [ since when my Ex got home he was PISSED cause the middle one was the one who told him the whole kit and kaboodle i had just told him there had been some miscomunication about who's socks where who's and i had gotten to the bottom of it ) He blew up.. gave the oldest a lecture asking her if she would dare talk to him like that and if she wouldn't talk to him like that then she shouldn't talk to me like that because when he was away i was the law ( thanks that helped *rme* )] they ended up cleaning their rooms, mainly under their beds. My goodness you wouldn't believe the jack pot of socks the oldest found under her bed *lol* since she had taken every sock in the house including some of mine and her sisters. When i washed them i divided them up and marked their first initial on the toes so we wouldn't have that problem again.

Still ended up having to buy all new socks for the youngest. * sighs *

Basically the only thing you can do is keep calm and try to get her to talk out why she is angry so she can look inside and see why she has directed her anger at you. It is hard to do i know.

The only other thing you can hope is that eventually she will grow out of it and look back and see you were only trying to help and doing the best you could.

**Edna_E** · 01-07-2008, 07:21 PM

I have stories like that! Glad to know I'm not the only one. In my case it was my own child rather than a step and so there was no room to attribute it to any other relationship and I had to take it on the chin - but it had a lot to do with single parenting. I think it is an age at which many kids tend to want to lash out to help release their angst and frustration - there are alot of emotions that accompany growing up, a sort of push-and-pull effect. Try to bear with it, and keep your sense of humor if you can. At some point in the future you will (both) hopefully be able to look back and laugh at this.