help I am new to frugal village so bear with me
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16
  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default help I am new to frugal village so bear with me

    and I think I may need some help.

    To make a long story short my little boy turns 3 tomorrow and since he was born he has been quite a handful, colicky, chicken pocks, thrush and now he discovered the temper tantrums as well.. the problem is my husband chooses to say I am a bad mother because I get frustrated and my son cries all the time and wants his own way. I feel like a single mom..even though I am marriered, I do everything for my son, and yes I yell and get frustrated its because I feel like I am alone in this relationship. I have 3 step kids and they have given us a difficult time the last year (they were fine before) and now my husband is upset about them living with his ex ...but I always get the brunt...Can someone please tell me if I am a bad mom, for losing my patience and being tired and frustrated cause I dont know what to do anymore. I need to focus on gettting my son and I .. and I am just hurt .. someone tell me what I can do.. I have tried to talk to my husband and he just does not get it says it me.. its always me.. thanks in advance. Nellie

  2. #2
    Registered User Mom23boys's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Age
    51
    Posts
    19,004
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    43

    Default

    Nellie, here is what I replied to you in another thread. You are not a bad parent. Your DH needs to take responsibility too. You should not be trying to raise your son alone when your DH is in the picture. Is there someone who can watch your DS for a little bit so you can "escape" from motherhood when you are stressing? Even if you have to take a break and go for a walk around the block alone, do it. It will save your sanity.

    Welcome to the Village.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,902
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    nellie- i just want to give you a big hug!!!! no you are not a bad parent, who ever said parenting was a easy job? i'm a mom to 4 kids, plus i do foster care for the state. i have bad days too, and there are some days i yell too. your dh needs to step up to the plate & be a husband & a dad. good luck!!

  4. Remove Advertisements
    FrugalVillage.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    Registered User Mamaw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Penna
    Posts
    2,430
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    19

    Default

    I dont know anyone who does not sometimes get stressed by children and family. You are not alone, nor are you a bad parent. Try to find a way to have a bit of time for yourself. Is there a family member or friend who might look after the little one for a bit to give you some alone time? Any other mothers in the neighborhood that you could trade babysitting time with or who might have some handy tips for when tantrums start? My DGD was colicky and it was a nightmare. She and DH took turns in order to let the other parent get a break. If your DH will not step up to the plate and help out, try to find another adult who will. You need a break too! Good luck and hugs to you

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    7
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Have you tried flylady.net? I hate to admit this but before flylady, I was a horrible mother. I yelled, cried, never could keep up with the house and still to this day have all the responsiblity. It's easier now that I get to stay home. I was so lost at first. Then a buddy told me about "flying" (finally loving yourself) and now my home is never more than 15 minutes from company ready and I have more free time.

    Another tip, put that baby on a schedule...the first 3 days will be pure "heck" but you will be so thankful after that. Even when the baby is sick...stick to the schedule. If your baby sleeps with you...stop that NOW! It took me 6 yrs to get ds out of our bed (lol). Now he and I both sleep better. I still yell sometimes and I'm nowhere near perfect but then again...I don't have to be perfect...I love my son and he loves me (mostly). DH is and always will be the favorite of all the kids...but his idea of discipline is saying "cut that out." Try flylady...it helps.

  7. #6

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    579
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    hugs to you Nellie. I don't have children I don't know what you are going through but I wanted you to know I will be thinking and praying for you and your family.

  8. #7
    Registered User FrugalMomof3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Northern NJ - PBurg
    Age
    48
    Posts
    9,379
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    29

    Default

    I dont think your a bad mom at all and I think your DH needs to get more into the picture and start helping with your DS. Your married and raising children and dealing with them are a 50/50 responsibility. I would have a long talk with your DH and tell him how you feel or not only will this rip you up on the inside it might just put a beating on your marraige.

  9. #8

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    379
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    nelli are we twins..LOL i have a 3 year old son and a 4 month old they are exactly 3 years apart and im at my whits ends with my3 year old
    he doesnt want to go to bed at night he screams for hours that he is scared when i ask of what he says his toys so we turn on the lights (its not dark) and clean everything up, then he is scared of the tv ?? then i have to threaten him to stay in bed and i have to spank him repeatedly because every 2 seconds he is right back down the steps crying and waking up the baby. we were not good when he was younger about putting him in his own bed and having a bed time the second time around is going smoother =) jayson my 3 year old has started taking naps every day at 12ish for 2-3 hours and thats when i clean the house and then i go to a gym that has a day care and he gets a lot of play time there we come home and have dinner and he is a bratty kid all day and all night we are fussing, yelling spanking and telling him ot put his nose to the wall..if someone out there has advice that really works on these kids let me know..LOLOLOL i feel like an awful mother and wife my son drives me to be the meaniest mom ever i feel like im absuing him and my husband just gets tired of the crying and tempers and gives in i get a little po when my husband gets to go out on the bike while im at the gym..he says that my break but i dont see it that way..he can come and go as he pleases i have to lug to kid every where and walk out of the stores and shops because im chasing a 3 year old and spanking him and begging him to stop screaming and embarrasing me

    dont judge me because i spanked it worked for me as a kid and i hope it will start working with him soon...he is actually asleep in his bed right now took an hour and half of screamingfor this or that and spankins

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    185
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    You are not a bad parent! My children were very different. 2 were so easy and content. Easy to sleep, and happy and content when awake. Then the third child! Complete different story. Exact opposite. There were no environmental changes. I parented the same way and there were no factors I could find to explain his behavior. He is 6 now, and has finally mellowed into an easy going child. Each child is different and you should not be blamed. Maybe if your dh understood that, he would be more understanding. I remember pointing out to my husband, another child of the same temperment, who had a wonderful mom. He was more relaxed when he knew we were not the only parents of a 'wild child'. Just love yourself and love your child! I agree, some time alone together should really help! And communicating with you dh. I still get stressed and yell occassionally! It's okay. If you beat yourself up about it it only makes it worse!

  11. #10
    Registered User Cricket1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,792
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    17

    Default

    You don't sound like a bad mom to me. Have you read, "Rasining Your Spirited Child"? My youngest is a tough one. He's loud, persistant, and rages on and on. That book gave me a new way of looking at him and he's gotten sooo much easier to deal with (I think age has a lot to do with it).

    Your dh sounds like he actually needs to read the book! LOL. It sucks when you feel like you're doing it all by yourself.

    Big hugs--you're human and doing the best you can. Moms are not perfect.

  12. #11
    Registered User C@rol's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,581
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    405
    Rep Power
    17

    Default

    to FV Nellie!
    Good luck with your son.

  13. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    105
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    Nellie,


    I have a five year old and have found that it really, I mean really, works to give super praise when she has done something good (ie took her clothes off to bathe, picked up her toys or anything that it nice without me fighting with her). She has always liked taking a bath but she never wanted to get to the bathroom and get her clothes out without alot of rucus. The first time she helped it had been a long day and I was so happy that I didn't have to keep asking her to get in the bathroom that I went way over the top praising, she has been doing that everynight since for he last year! All I have to do is tell her every couple days how happy it makes me and how much it helps me. Anyway, that was just one example, it works for all sorts of situations.

    I had read that in a parenting book, but I didn't see how it would help, I'd have to catch her doing something good (which seemed rare), but I felt like I was yelling too much, I mean I love this little girl, if I am yelling at her all the time, wont she she it as an acceptable way to be treated and treat others? So I tried and it has been working great! I still yell from time to time, but not often and I am getting better all the time.

    My husband doesn't do any of the work part of raising a child (baths, clothing, dropping off at school or daycare, doctors appointments, school activities, etc.) although we both work full time. But he does talk to/spend time with Breanna everyday, he shows her how to do things (yard work, carpentry stuff), plays games with her, even reads to her sometimes. So he is a great help in allowing me to have a bit of alone time so I don't feel overly stressed.

    Your husband needs to have a part somewhere, jmho and that would help you alot. Hope everything works out for you.

  14. #13
    Registered User missmanny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia - the sunshine state
    Posts
    604
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    nellie,

    I'm jumping in a bit late but I just wanted to give you a big hug.

    Hang in there, I heard somewhere the 3 is the new 2

  15. #14

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    134
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Take up an evening activity a couple of times a week. A yoga class would be very relaxing. Ask your husband to care for the boy. This will give him a dose of what he deserves and hopefully make him more agreeable. Your local YMCA can help. They have scholarships if you can't afford it. Your local city recreation center may offer options too. If you are in need of weight loss, check out Taking Off Pounds Sensibly and Overeaters Anonymous. Check out meetup.com for groups in your area that are interesting to you. A play group might help your son be a little more agreeable. He would learn to play more kindly with other children.

  16. #15
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    vancouver washington
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I feel for you. I am a second wife as well. We have a child of our own and she is 5. My stepkids are 8 and 13. Sometimes is seems like its me and my daughter against my husband and his first two kids. I hope it works out for the both of us.

    Juli
    Last edited by juli; 12-29-2008 at 12:40 AM.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. New to Frugal Village
    By frugaljoe in forum General Chat
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 08-28-2011, 04:55 PM
  2. New to Frugal Village~
    By kimmy929 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 06-29-2011, 09:07 AM
  3. New to Frugal Village
    By GriffinGirl in forum General Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 05-29-2009, 01:21 AM
  4. New to Frugal Village
    By jarediane in forum General Chat
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 08-24-2007, 01:11 PM
  5. New to Frugal Village...
    By Audrey in forum General Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-29-2005, 06:51 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •