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Thread: crazy woman!
04-14-2007, 05:39 PM #1
so everything we do with the ex wife is a hassle....
does anyone know what our rights are when it comes to vacation time with the kids?? as the divorce decree it states that Dh is entitled to his kids 3 weeks in the summer and he has to let her know those dates by may 01. so we told her our dates,...well here is the problem..she has taken her vacation time on our weekend (we get the kids every other weekend) so there will be 25 days that we dont get to see the kids..that is a big no no, we can NOT go that long without seeingthe kids..we asked her to give us the weekend before she goes out of town...she said no and said we could have them for a couple of hours on the monday or tuesday before their trip on wednesday!!! a couple of hours no over night!!!! that is just crazy and unfair!!! she is saying that our week falls on her weekend, but the advice we have been given is that DH gets to tell her his 3 weeks by may 01 and she gets to choose the other 9 weeks and do with them what she wants..have have bent over backwards with her and tried to accomodate her..but she thinks that she is the only one who can make decisions regarding the children when they haved shared custody!!!! please can someone help, all DH and i want is our rightful time with the kids!!! please help
she is thinking that we need to use our weekends as vacation time?? isnt the vacation time extra becuase its summer and they are out of school.
Ex wife does not work and gets to see the kids all the time, DH works (2 jobs) and is hard to just take time off from work...maybe he should quit his job and get an easier job like her and then get summer and all vacations off.....she would hate it becuase then child support would be decreased ahaha just kidding!!!!
04-14-2007, 07:48 PM #2
she sounds kinda unfair to me. I think that its hard between any couples that share custody of the kids.Now this is just me, but if me and hubby broke up Im dang well aint going to sit about a day or 2 here or there. Being a single parent cant be easy, so Im thinkning she would like a break and not make him run more then he has to, make it easier on the kids too.
Is she still upset their not together, or any hard feelings against you? maybe jealously? Not saying she is, but i have friends who tried to make their ex's misearble .
04-15-2007, 11:50 AM #3
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Hiya... I am an ex-wife (some woman are total pains and giving the rest of us a bad rap)
The ex and I have a divorce agreement and custody written up. We left it flexable on purpose so we can make mutally agreed changes without having to go to court.
We DID have the following perminent decisions though...
1- Mothers Day is to be with me, Father's Day with him (reguardless of who's 'weekend' it landed on)
2- We each get 2 weeks vacation a year with her (we must let them know 3 weeks prior if staying local, asap if they will be leaving state)
3- Holidays are to be split midpoint. Christmas Eve/Morning is divided, evens are his year, odds are mine.
After that, we are flexable. It helps that we are civil (HIS parents and I on the other hand...) and if there is a party or something on his weekend, I can take her. Since I only get one weekend a month with her, I am rather protective of my time, but if there is a family related event, or his parents bought tickets to ice capafes or something, as long as HE is there too, I won't deny my daughter.
As I said, we left it intentionally flexable. He can keep her an overnight during the week of school vacation (everything is about to be changed around since I will be homeschooling) but during the school week, she is to stay with me. If my vacation is scheduled during his weekend (and since I only have her 1 weekend a month, chances are high that at least one of them is) he can come spend time with her before and after the vacation. He on the other hand, won't take her on my weekend. (his choice so I can actually spend a weekend with her)
If things start to get sticky (in other words, his parents are sqwaking like parrots about something and not keeping their beaks out of things) I tell him he can work it out with me, or we can go to mediation. He doesnt WANT to go to mediation because the courts will realize that I am beyond flexible and if anything, I will get more, not less time with DD.
Long story short, yes, you are entitled to those 3 weeks vacation. If you knw a notary good, otherwise for something like $2, the bank notary will be happy to stamp the bottom of a letter. In the letter...
(Name of ex),
As per our divorce agreement the dates of the three weeks of vacation per year that we are legally entitled to must be submitted to each other by May 1.
week 1 (dates)
week 2 (dates)
week 3 (dates)
If there is a conflict with my weeks, I am more than happy to sit down with a court appointed mediator before May 1 to discuss this. I await your letter informing me of your scheduled weeks.
After it is notarized, make a photo copy... stick the original in the envelope and jaunt over to the post office and send it return receipt.
I know... it shouldn't have to be like this... SHE (and many like her) ruin it for a lot of us who try to do the right thing.
Your DH has rights (unfortunately, you do not) and his ex is hoping he isn't aware of them... if he isn't... you are... and if you aren't.... WE ARE!!!!
Now... get typing and get to the notary
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04-15-2007, 11:55 AM #4
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very well said Lady_V!
04-16-2007, 05:33 PM #5
well i truly think that she will never be happy no matter what?? my Dh told me that she wasnt happy when they were together....and Dh and i have been together for over 5 years now...you would think that she has gotten over anything??? i have always been as nice as i can to her....becuase of the kids sake! why cant she? there have been so many things she has said and done...i dont know how she sleeps at night?
i only wished that i had gone to law school so we know where we stand with her sometimes????
04-16-2007, 06:01 PM #6
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Unfortunately us as "step-wives" have no say according to the courts in matters such as this. Your DH is the one who has to stand up to her, she knows she doesnt have to listen to a word YOU say but she has to listen when it comes to your DH.
She sleeps at night because she knows this bugs the crap out of you and your DH and the only way this will end is if your DH takes her back in front of the custody hearing officer and explains that she is violating the terms of the divorce decree. Then and only then will she start inching backward instead of you.
04-16-2007, 06:02 PM #7
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Standing up to her and NOT letting her win ALL THE TIME will get it through her thick head, that you guys arent playing. If you give in she will always have the upper hand.
04-16-2007, 07:17 PM #8
yes we know that we have to stand up to her..and we are trying really hard, sometimes it looks like we arent. but we never want the kids to see or get hurt. but we have said that we are going to do everything we can to get her back in front of a judge.she thinks we are stupid, but we have alot of notes..all the things she has said and done, that will not look good for her. also we know in the back ofour minds that we aregoing to go to court and we want our side totally clean!
you are right once she sees we mean business, she will back off i hope!! we all say this but she is a mean mean person! she has done some mean things to DH and his family, just before DH realised he could not take anymore his mother was over and Ex was cooking a ham, when it was ready she cut some off and took it to one neighbour and then took some more to another neighbour..then when it came time for them to eat she told DH mother to go home there wasnt enough food, this she did infront of DH and kids!! that is the type of person we are dealing with. she is a mean selfish woman. when Dh mother got the older two girls a tv for christmas Ex said that they could not have it...this is after they already opened it on christmas..then Ex went and got them a tv?? you see what i mean..i know these are things the kids are going to grow up and see for themselves...the things that drive us crazy is when she interferes with the kids and our time
04-16-2007, 08:14 PM #9
Ugh, I hate ex's. My husband's ex is a beast.
We were supposed to have Easter with my stepson but she called on Good Friday to say that she was already in New Hampshire. When he brought it up to her that we were supposed to have him she denied it until my husband slapped her with the court order (which she did have a copy of). It wont get back that time but to makeup for it my husband told her that he wanted him for half of spring break. So, she tried to pull crap and he shot her down. Now she knows that my husband wont rollover for her anymore. Most ex's are bitches... This one is jealous that he left her. She put him through so much hell taht he joined the Army to get away from her... in doing so, met and married me
Now she's angry because I'm living the life that she's "supposed to have."
...*sigh*.... so much drama.
... I wont even get into the "cerebral hemorrhage" basket case that is MY ex.
But... yeah. If something is notarized before the date then you're good as far as the courts are concerned. If she still takes them on her vacation then she's in breech of the court order-- which will look veeeeery bad for her.
04-16-2007, 08:16 PM #10
You are keeping track of all pick up/drop off times? Phone call times? What was said? I have for 2 years and it definitely comes in handy. My husband's ex tried to pull the, "Where's your proof?" card and stuck her foot in her mouth when I brought out the phone/visitation logs.
04-16-2007, 08:21 PM #11
i have tried to keep as much as i can,,....was never an 'organised' person but i have tried my hardest!! dont have the exact time of day on some things but in the last 2 months or so have noted all the times..she has even made it easier for us and started emailing...we now have a paper trail...she's is a pretty smart woman not sure why she would do that though!!! smart no i dont know crazy!
04-17-2007, 12:10 AM #12
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Sorry to hear your having so much trouble with your husband's ex. My ex and I don't talk at all (he hates me) but no matter who time it is with the kids we always give it up for trips or vacations with the other when asked. We both share 50/50. We both agree that time spend with mom or dad is important. We try not to let our personal feelings about each other hurt the children. I hope in the end, your husband's ex will change her mind and let you have the kids for the time you want.
04-17-2007, 10:28 AM #13
i know the most important thing to remember is the kids!!! but enough is enough. whats fair is fair. we never know how Ex is going to feel, one day she is so friendly(depends if she's had anything to drink) and then the next day she absolutely hates us. sometimes she will be nice to me and mean to DH and sometimes the other way. i thnk she needs to see a dr. maybe there really is something wrong with her, maybe some medication would make her feel better? who knows??? if she gets better trust me itwill help us out so much. i think that is the hardest part for me, she is not justmean all the time, she can be nice...but thenyou have to think..what does she want??
in the beginning, she never allowed me to stay alone with the kids....she would come get the kids at 5AM to avoid mebeing alone with them???? then one weekend she called and asked me so nicely if i could keep the kids the rest of the day (DH was at work) then the following weekend i took the kids to get lunch before i dropped them at home at their usual time, well she called DH and told him that if i dont have them home in 5 minutes she is calling the cops! thinking back, i should have let her do that?? these are things that little kids do not forget.
thank you everyone for your support, i feel like i can tell all these stories and get it off my chest, somehow it makes me feel better.
04-28-2007, 08:01 AM #14
I guess I'm pretty lucky (if you can call it that) my dh's ex and I get along great. Even when we were just dating...I called her up and asked if the boys could come over...just out of the blue...and she dropped them off. Our children are the ones who don't particularly care for me (mine incl.) but that is because I'm the disciplinarian for all of them. If anyone is in trouble...it's to "not the mamma" they come. I am the last person they want to know...when they screw up...I make them stand accountable. I am the one who discusses all pertinent info with the kids...sex, drugs, disease. I'm happy to say that dh is in good health so I'll get to see the kids when they come visit him in the nursing home, lol.
05-28-2007, 11:40 PM #15
I know how challenging this situation can be--and a delicate one that has to be thought out and executed carefully.
I see you're in Florida. Luckily for us frugal folks, we can download all the forms we need to make changes (to support and visitation) reside on the internet (just search family law forms florida and they should pop up). Then, the first couple pages of each pdf gives instructions for filling it out.
I also know that though it is technically the husband's responsibility to do this, much of the action can fall on the wife--but I wouldn't let this stop you because you are being impacted by the situation as well.
After filing for modification to support/visitation, I believe you can request that a mediator can help the two parties come to an agreement. It is in this meeting that the mediator will go over a fair level of support (irregardless of your salary, your husband and his ex are both financially responsible for taking care of their kids), to stop the alimony, and to develop a visitation plan that works for both parties. Even though enforcing visitation can be much more difficult, this might be a wake up call to your husband's ex that she needs to play by the rules. I believe that each county court also has a department to help with forms if you need it.
I hope I've been able to help...I have been a stepmom for 8 years and I can appreciate the challenges you're going through.
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