Step-grandparenting...

**mombottoo** · 03-12-2008, 11:16 AM

Some of my grandchildren are not mine by blood and there are issues concerning the biological mother of 3 of them. She's a nut (deemed ufit) and my son-in-law has custody of the children and so far as I can tell he will always have custody.

When my grandbabies are born I start them each a bank, with the understanding that whatever money is in the bank will be their high school graduation present. If they don't graduate from high school they don't get the money.

I haven't started banks for any of the step-children, but I want too. Since they came into my family fairly late in their lives should I just start from that point or figure out roughly what they would have had if they had actually been born into my family? I just don't want them to end up feeling like they aren't as important to me as my own blood...if you know what I mean.

**wannabedebtfree** · 03-12-2008, 11:24 AM

Good for you for being so generous with your heart (and money). It sounds like those babies are lucky to have you. IMO, I would try to make their accounts nearly equal to the other grandbabies. Now, of course, I am saying this with the assumption that you 1. have the funds to do this and 2. love them as you do your biological grandbabies.

If you are unable to fund them equally, do what you can and I am sure they will appreciate it.

HTH.

**perSue** · 03-12-2008, 11:29 AM

i would start it from the point that they became family.

i think just knowing that grandma did something special for them the same as she did for her own (and they're well aware they're not your blood grandkids), would make them feel extra special and like they were family the whole time.

if you have enough funds to start from the time they were born, by all means.

but i would do it as a "membership" sort of thing... but keep all amounts private.

and if anyone asks, just state "the day you became part of this family, is the day you got an account."

**emily_hope** · 03-12-2008, 11:56 AM

What a wonderful idea and how generous of you. I have 7 DGrandchildren... step-grandchildren that is... but I consider them mine. My DDs are teens yet and don't have any of their own. My oldest DGrandson told me I was the best grandma ever (he's 10)! LOL! I may have to steal your idea! I do think if you are able to do so it would be nice to equal everyone out.

**cissylu** · 03-12-2008, 01:12 PM

that is so sweet. I my self personally if I had the money I would start it at there first birthday like the other`s since they mean so muchto you. That`s what I would do.

**sixfreds** · 03-12-2008, 05:08 PM

That is a tough question BUT depending on their age I think I would just start with a set amount (whatever you want to give and can afford) and go on like you do with the other kids.
I think that is awesome that you treat them like they are your own that can be so hard to do. It is great and will make them feel special and they will feel like they belong.

Eileen

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-12-2008, 06:46 PM

I personally would start from this point forward, you said they arent related by blood but you care so much to be there for them with love and money, they surely are blessed either way to have you!

**mombottoo** · 03-12-2008, 07:26 PM

Thank you for your input. The kids bio mom causes a lot of problems and has on numerous occasions made false abuse charges against my dd & sil. The latest episode (had it been true) would have not only resulted in the 3 being removed from the home, but the other 2 as well (blood). I know I can without a doubt rescue the 2 if the need ever arises, but since I'm not blood to the other 3 the chances would probably be slim. There isn't any chance that the system would give the 3 to their mom as she has already been deemed unfit so they would end up in foster care...at least until we could figure something out.

I think I will count the money in the other grandchildren's banks that are close to the ages of the 3 and start with that amount. That way the amount of money to start will be close.