Frustrated at lack of understanding from friends
Results 1 to 14 of 14
  1. #1
    Registered User leighcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    675
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default Frustrated at lack of understanding from friends

    Yes, I understand that my relationship with my bf was rocky. But it was a 5 year relationship. I am not just going to "get over it and move on". I officially finally ended it on Sunday, today is Thursday of the same week. Why can't my friends and co-workers understand that I need time to heal? I still love the guy even if I know it will never work and he will never change. Yes, there were lots of bad times and arguments. He frustrated me to no end. The fact that he lived with his mother the entire 5yrs really pissed me off. But I still cared for him and at one point we were even engaged. I just wish my friends would stop acting like there is something wrong with me for being sad right now.
    Every day that goes by without hearing his voice seems like an eternity. The fact that he so willingly let me end the relationship is like a dagger in my heart. He never even tried to fight for us. I am just sick to my stomach over everything.

  2. #2
    Registered User grneyegrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    central new jersey(middlesex county)
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,047
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    well, maybe like your friends i cant understand how u could love some one who didnt really care for u? i mean he was so willing to give u upand not try to resolve the problem..

    also why was he living with his mother? is he saving for a home or is his mom sick or disabled and needs help..i live with my mom but she is a transplant recipient and stopped driving when she became sick(too stressful). it would cost more than i could afford to maintane (sp) a home and help her..helping her is more important than me living on my own..i just work around it also she doesnt have her nose in my business

  3. #3
    Registered User grneyegrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    central new jersey(middlesex county)
    Age
    59
    Posts
    1,047
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    sorry it should be your friends like myself cant understand

  4. Remove Advertisements
    FrugalVillage.com
    Advertisements
     

  5. #4
    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,053
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    27

    Default

    some people just dont like to see people sad so avoid it or try to cheer people up .

    or if you had said its over before and gone back esp if many times maybe they dont really believe you are really broken up. .



    co-workers IMO shouldnt even have to be dealing with relationship issues and i dont mean to sound mean but you shouldnt be sad or mad or at least exopressing those things etc while at work - just do your work -
    letting relationships affect your work can cost people jobs.

    i am not exactly sure what you want from them -
    if they are your friends you obviously became friends over something else than your ex- so keep those topics when talking to them - only you can heal in your own time but no need to pull them into your healing processes however long it takes.

  6. #5
    Registered User leighcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    675
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    14

    Default

    He lives with his mom because he can. He doesn't have to, she does fine on her own. He used to claim she needed his rent money but he borrows from her sometimes so that is a load of bull. She buys quite a few nice new things to be hurting financially. He wouldn't get his act together and claimed he couldn't afford it on his own. If I can make it with 2 kids, he could certainly make it on his own. He said he was afraid to move in because if things went bad his mom wouldn't let him back home. Honestly, he is just terrible with money and stubborn as hell. I offered to help him learn to budget and he refused. The man is 42 next month. I am 30, single with 2 kids, and I just got myself a house. I make less than him and have more bills.

    He didn't always treat me bad but the bad times did start to outweigh the good. He didn't appreciate me and I resented him for not being here emotionally or financially. It isn't fair for me to struggle on my own while he plays mama's boy for all these years. He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. I even tried to get him to go to counseling and he wouldn't do it. Our relationship was really good in the beginning. I think the resentment and his immaturity is what really ended up being the breaking point.

    Most of my co-workers are my friends. They are talking about trying to set me up with people and when I tell them I won't be ready for awhile they give me a hard time. They seem to think I am too picky. I am not looking for a rebound man or Mr. Right when I still have open wounds. Sorry but I have a really hard time keeping my feelings down so much. I do try, but I actually have a friggin ulcer from holding stuff in. I wish I was one of those people who could just plaster on a smile and go on their way but I can't pretend all the time. I see people growing old and sick every day and it is a reminder that he won't be there with me when I am old and sick. We used to talk of growing old together. It has been less than a week. I am not going to just GET OVER IT.

  7. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    10,457
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    55

    Default

    You loved him and it will take time to get over. You may not ever totally get over him, but time heals all wounds. I'm sure someday when you are ready, you will meet Mr. Right and wonder why you was so upset. I'm sure your co-workers means well, they just don't understand your feelings right now. Hang in there.

  8. #7
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Maui, Hawaii
    Posts
    19,119
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    57
    Rep Power
    119

    Default

    You are in mourning for the loss of a relationship - seems to me it would be weird if you weren't sad. Take your time to adjust to the new journey you are on without him - as much time as you need - not according to the standards of others. Take care please.

  9. #8
    Registered User Libby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    8,930
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    59

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by leighcat View Post
    I am 30, single with 2 kids, and I just got myself a house. I make less than him and have more bills.
    Way to go!!!

    As for others not understanding your sadness right now - I think they're just trying to help by cheering you up and be positive by trying to help you focus on your future and the potential it holds w/o your now ex. It is awkward to speak to someone who is consumed with a new break up - just as awkward as someone who's just entering into a new relationship and ignores everyone else except him/her.

    I think you're still in shock of it all - going from the before of thinking about breaking up, playing the 'what if' and 'how will i....?' games to being on the other side of it thinking to yourself 'Wow I actually did it. Its over." Its a fresh wound and what you did was a big event in your life. Of course its going to play on your mind for a while...long while. Take all the time you need to sort things through so you're content with yourself. What matters most is you.

    The break up isn't the end of the world, we all know you'll survive. But for the time being - let it be a big deal. Thats what you need, to discuss and get it out of your head and heart at your own pace. Come to terms with things and learn new things about yourself.

    If you need to discuss or vent, we're here to listen.

  10. #9
    Registered User baxjul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    W. Central Florida
    Posts
    10,774
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    33

    Default

    I'm so sorry for you pain, it's very hard. Hugs.

  11. #10
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,411
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    30

    Default

    Ending a relationship is very hard. I agree that it would be odd if you weren't sad.

    Someday you will be in a wonderful relationship that you deserve and you will wonder why you put up with being treated badly for so long.

    Hope you feel better soon

  12. #11
    Registered User frugalfranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    PNW in summer---SW in wnter.
    Posts
    12,986
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    71

    Default

    Sorry you are going through this......hopefully time will heal the wound.

    be sure to take care of yourself.

  13. #12
    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,355
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    31

    Default

    I am sorry for your pain.

  14. #13
    Registered User Rhayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    672
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    15

    Default

    I'm so sorry for what your going through. I had a similar situation about 8 years ago. I was with a guy for almost 4 years and we were the center of each others worlds. Things started to go downhill and eventually we broke up. We still saw each other for several months "dating" because I was too stupid to let go and he was too selfish to let me let go. After that I went through a series of boyfriends and "dates" that were horrible. The first of which being a boyfriend who I dated for 6 months and after the first month told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. Oh how gullibe I was. haha. Just remember no one willl understand fully what you are going through specifically. Don't jump into dating OR relationships til you are ready and don't let anything make you feel bad for wanting to take your time. Just think about you and your kids and the rest will fall into place when it's suppose to. Time does heal all wounds and like Palooka said you may never totally get over him. But it will get better, I promise.

    Edit: I forgot to add.... I had all my friends telling me the same things as you do. They all thought i'd be fine and I had to get over it quickly. They didn't know the depth of the relationship I had with the guy and i think that's why they werent as supportive as I needed. And one of my "best" friends thought it was best to help me drown my sorrows in a beer bottle.

  15. #14
    Registered User nodmicks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    6,988
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    45

    Default

    Hugs I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry your friends are not getting it. I wish there was a magic bullet besides time to heal the pain. I think you are a very strong woman for making it on your own and knowing what you deserve. I wish you all the happiness life offers!

Similar Threads

  1. Getting frustrated at our lack of progress
    By my4littlebuffaloes in forum Debt Reduction & Money Management
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-28-2009, 06:26 PM
  2. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-13-2004, 12:53 AM
  3. Lack of Appetite
    By paelthom in forum Health and beauty
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-11-2002, 02:59 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •