Early or late. The end result will be the same.
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  1. #1
    Registered User MissSeetonFan's Avatar
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    Early or late. The end result will be the same.

    We are facing a hard situation. My pregnancy has hit a bump in the road that cannot be overcome. We went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out how baby was doing and what the gender was. Unfortunately, the answers were "Not good" and "couldn't tell." The kidneys were what they called multi-cystic and are entirely non-functioning. Without functioning kidneys, the lungs don't develop properly. Without lungs to function, survival outside the womb is minutes to hours. A day if you are lucky. That's with a ventilator.

    We have the choice of delivering early or waiting to go as close to full term as the body lets us. The end results will be the same no matter what.

    Baby is still alive. Has a fully functioning heart. Head and other things that were visible were developing normally. Couldn't see a lot without amniotic fluid.

    We both have family close to us. The cemetery in my home town is actually free. I have an uncle who can make us a custom-sized box and relatives in the mortuary business who would be able to help with prepping and storing the baby until I would be up and around to go to a service.

    I would be required to have a c-section because of a history of c-sections due to health reasons. Hence the possible delay in burial.

    It is hard to face the fact that this baby who kicks and turns and has a good heart rate has a 0 chance of survival.

    I have 3 other kids who are helping remind me that life is going to go on. I have good support in my faith and my church congregation as well as family and friends.

    Right now, I'm a little numb and detached. I go back and forth and probably will for a while.

  2. #2
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    I cannot imagine. I am so sorry. Is there any way to get a second opinion, JUST in case? From a specialist, maybe to clear up the "not good...couldn't tell" situation? To get another professional opinion on whether to keep carrying the baby or if it appears distressed?

    My prayers are with you and your family.

  3. #3
    Registered User MissSeetonFan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krbshappy71 View Post
    Is there any way to get a second opinion, JUST in case? From a specialist, maybe to clear up the "not good...couldn't tell" situation? To get another professional opinion on whether to keep carrying the baby or if it appears distressed?
    Thank you. We did see the specialist today. He is required to get a second opinion before moving forward but the advanced ultrasound and his view is that there is nothing to do but make the decision as to when to deliver.

    The prognosis is basically nil and we won't know the sex until the baby is delivered. With multi-cystic kidneys, no fluid is being processed so no amniotic fluid. If the problem were something else, if there was any sense that fluid was being processed, he would try some interventions.

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  5. #4
    Registered User imagine's Avatar
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    Oh what heart breaking news.

    I am so sorry for your family.

    Hugs

  6. #5
    Registered User mamachop's Avatar
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    Unhappy

    I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I'll keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

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    Registered User brenda67's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry I can't control my tears right now..can not even imagine what kind of pain your feeling..I really don't know what to say to you right now?? We are ALL here to support you honey..Feel free to instant message me any time you want..HUGS...
    Wife to Keith
    Mom of 3 boys

  8. #7
    Registered User HappyMama's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for all you are going through. Big hugs to you. I will keep you in my prayers.

  9. #8
    Moderator nuisance26's Avatar
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    ~I am so sorry. I'll be praying for your family.~

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    Registered User Nishu's Avatar
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    I am so very, very sorry. I don't even know what to say. My heart is just breaking for you.

  11. #10
    Registered User mh3rdwheel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissSeetonFan View Post
    We are facing a hard situation. My pregnancy has hit a bump in the road that cannot be overcome. We went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out how baby was doing and what the gender was. Unfortunately, the answers were "Not good" and "couldn't tell." The kidneys were what they called multi-cystic and are entirely non-functioning. Without functioning kidneys, the lungs don't develop properly. Without lungs to function, survival outside the womb is minutes to hours. A day if you are lucky. That's with a ventilator.

    We have the choice of delivering early or waiting to go as close to full term as the body lets us. The end results will be the same no matter what.

    Baby is still alive. Has a fully functioning heart. Head and other things that were visible were developing normally. Couldn't see a lot without amniotic fluid.

    We both have family close to us. The cemetery in my home town is actually free. I have an uncle who can make us a custom-sized box and relatives in the mortuary business who would be able to help with prepping and storing the baby until I would be up and around to go to a service.

    I would be required to have a c-section because of a history of c-sections due to health reasons. Hence the possible delay in burial.

    It is hard to face the fact that this baby who kicks and turns and has a good heart rate has a 0 chance of survival.

    I have 3 other kids who are helping remind me that life is going to go on. I have good support in my faith and my church congregation as well as family and friends.

    Right now, I'm a little numb and detached. I go back and forth and probably will for a while.
    Clorinda, I know somewhat of what you are going through, my son, Nicholas, should have aborted before being born, he was determined to be born, I had him for 3 and 1/2 months before he was taken from me.

    I am crying reading your post. No matter what your decision is I will be there for you. This will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make.

    If you should decide to carry the baby to term, alot of funeral homes will wave fees for babies (no charge), when Nicholas died we only paid for the cost of the digging of the grave. I also know this from when my DH worked for a burial vault co.

    I will also not judge you nor will your fellow FV.

  12. #11
    Registered User Debbie-cat's Avatar
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    I am so sorry!!!! My heart breaks for you. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs




  13. #12
    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
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    I am so very sorry. I'll be praying for you and your family and your sweet baby.

  14. #13
    Registered User Booklover's Avatar
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    My heart is breaking for you. Please know we are all here for you.

  15. #14
    Registered User pinetree's Avatar
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    I am so sorry, I will be saying prayers for you and your family.
    Pine trees, with their needles pointing up to heaven, represent everlasting light and life.

  16. #15
    Registered User Ramona's Avatar
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    This is tragic news for you, your family and the baby. I'm so sorry.

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