After 24 years...really?? - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User frugal me's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernice View Post
    it's been a while, how are you doing? you are in my thoughts
    Bernice,
    So sweet of you to be thinking of me.
    We are ok. Taking it one day at a time.
    The "jerk" is going to file for divorce.
    I'm currently looking for a job, anything I can get, just to get back in the workforce to start.
    What's giving me trouble while job hunting, is that I have not been employed for the past 19 years.

  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugal me View Post
    Bernice,
    I'm currently looking for a job, anything I can get, just to get back in the workforce to start.
    What's giving me trouble while job hunting, is that I have not been employed for the past 19 years.
    did a lawyer tell you to work? Because if you've been a SAHM for 19 yrs that's probably enough to get a judge to give you a fair amount of alimony and money for job re-training or school. But I think if you go back to work, you lose these benefits somewhat. All I know is every divorced women I know, myself included, the lawyers said don't work. My lawyer said I should've listened to her but a full time position opened doing my exact same job, I wasn't gonna let that pass. But it did keep me from getting alimony.

    It's scary losing that safety net but I'm pretty sure he has to keep supporting you until legal documents say otherwise.

  3. #18
    Registered User CookieLee's Avatar
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    I agree with not working. I also think it is perfectly okay to say, "I sincerely looked and couldn't find anything because I need experience and training."

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  5. #19
    Registered User frugal me's Avatar
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    This is very true!
    So glad that I have "friends" here, because right now I feel very alone.

  6. #20
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    If you have the option, sign up with a temporary staffing agency. That will get you current work experience, even if you do have to start at entry level position. Or volunteer part time at your local library or Red Cross. That will get you both references and work experience, even if you don't get paid. It will also look good on your resume, showing you're looking to work and give you an answer to "what have you been doing lately". Besides, you never know if they will hire you as an actual employee.

    Also, take a look at job ads for the positions in the fields you're interested in. Then figure out how the work you've been doing as a stay at home mom applies. If you were the one making sure the bills got paid, then that might fall under accounting skills. If you were the one handling your children's homeschooling, that's research (as in finding out what is required, etc.) and organizational skills. It could be considered project management as well.

    Another thing, go down to your local unemployment office and speak to someone there about your situation. See if you can qualify for financial aid for training or SNAP/food stamps, etc., that will help you while you get back into the workforce. Also ask if they have services to help you put together a resume, marketing plan (for yourself), and how to set up a LinkedIn profile.

  7. #21
    Registered User frugal me's Avatar
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    Thanks so much renmerk, great advice!

  8. #22
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    have you met with a lawyer yet?

    I cannot emphasize enough how much that calmed me, empowered me and after just one visit, I was a lot less scared. I was sure my finances were not going to be enough to live on and scared to death he would get custody because when someone screams it in your face enough, you start to believe it. She flat out showed me a rough estimate of what I could expect financially and said there was not a snowball's chance in hell he would get primary custody. He didn't.

    Often the consult is free. A friend recommended someone to me, she happened to be booked up but I could get in the next day with the woman I ended up choosing. She was not a partner yet, unlike the woman recommended to me, she wasn't green but she did not have decades of experience. But she was confident and calming, told me exactly what to do during that free consult, gave me tools that helped me list every household expense, etc. And she cost a lot less than a partner. She has been my attorney for 11 yrs, so choose carefully. Hopefully, your ex is somewhat sane and you will not need an attorney at least once a year, I was not so lucky. So I have come to trust her implicitly, she is awesome in court, and when she says don't worry, I usually believe her, lol.

    My ex got a well know ball buster, aggressive jerk. He eggs my ex on to take me to court for the stupidest things. My ex thinks he is getting to me and he is because I have to pay my attorney yet again to reach a settlement over what he wants or we go to court. Here, we get the same judge until the kids are grown. And she knows well about their antics and they never win. But little does he realize all he is really doing is adding to his debt problem. He had to declare bankruptcy because he had 30K in cc debt because of legal fees years after the divorce. My lawyer charges more now but I do not pay her full price because she appreciates the frequent business (lol) and because I have sent her at least six other women and they all hired her, as well. Just the divorce I paid less than 10k and it was protracted and long so that was on the high side. Ex paid over the 30k, and then keeps paying this guy over and over and over.

    So try those free consultations or get recommendations and see who seems to work with you the best. And that person may not be the top legal eagle in your city, but you don't need that in a "normal" divorce. However, if during a consultation you find out he is on the hook for all your legal bills because you are a SAHM, when you leave there, start researching who is considered the top divorce attorney near you. If he's paying, you have no reason not to "go big". That may sound mean to do that to him, but he's leaving you in the lurch with 19 yrs of not working. He makes that choice, there are repercussions, such as paying the legal bills and supporting you.

    You owe it to yourself and the kids to get the facts and find out how the process usually goes. And please don't take pay for any work until you at least have a legal consultation!

  9. #23
    Registered User bookwormpeg's Avatar
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    Keep records of everything.....don't sign anything without your lawyer looking it over...if he is anything like my ex, he will promise you everything....don't believe him.....don't react to anything he says....I know it's hard, but believe me, you are going to be better off without him!!!! Big hug

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    how are you?

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