Have any of you "Third Agers" prepared for
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  1. #1
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    Question Have any of you "Third Agers" prepared for

    Taking care of your elderly parents?

    I'm asking this because my mom and I have been talking about this very same thing. A dear friend of hers had to go and live with her dd because the waiting list in 5-6 yrs. long for a nursing home. The dd is having a horrendous time and certainly wasn't prepared for this.

    I'm not sure I'm even prepared should my mom have to come and live with us.

    How about you?

  2. #2
    Registered User SewCrafty's Avatar
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    Both my parents are living, my mom always threaten us if we put her in a nursing home, she would haunt us! But that was 20 odd years ago, some of the homes have gotten better.

    I will probably be the one to be the care giver. The only problem is my mom is terrified of cats! She visits me, but just kind of acts like she doesn't see my kitties. I did get her to touch one once, but you should have seen her face, she wasn't at all comfortable.
    It's something we will have to talk about soon. My dad is 70 and mom is 68.

    My mil just turned 87 and lives 5 miles from us in a senior building, she has her own apt. very small but it suits her. They have emergency pull cords in the bathroom and bedroom that go directly to the fire dept. 2 streets away. She is the oldest there and the most active. My dh has already said no to her coming to live with us.

    I know how hard taking care of an elderly parent is. Both of my grandmothers lived with us at different times when I was growing up. One grandma had a massive stroke and was pretty much bedridden and the other grandma was full of bone cancer and was also bedridden. It was extremely hard on my mom as there was still 5 of us kids at home and my dad usually worked 3 jobs so he was never there to help her.

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    I am dealing with this right now!!!!! My fil is 86, he didn't get married until he was 41, had my dh when he was 43. My mil passed away unexpectedly after back surgery 2 years ago. Dad has been going down hill since, he fell 6 weeks ago and broke his hip. He had to have surgery and then we had to put him into a nursing home for rehabilitation and constant care. He is going to be released in 2 weeks. He is still not getting up and hasn't walked since he fell. The physical therapist says he probably won't walk again. For a while it looked like he was going to have to move in with us so that I could be there with him 24/7 but my sil has agreed to move back into his house with her 2 daughters and she will be there with him. I will have to help him out during the day along with needing to get a nurse and physical therapist to come in as well. To be honest, I am not looking forward to any of this, I am not prepared at all! I know it will be a lot of work for me and I want to make sure that my own kids and husband and home don't suffer because of it. I hope that doesn't sound mean, it is just that I know it is going to be a lot of hard work dealing with Dad, I will be cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying bills..... and he isn't the nicest person to deal with either!!!

    I have 2 weeks to get used to this, I am going to stay positive and just make the best out of a difficult situation. I know this isn't easy for him either!!

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  5. #4
    Registered User sunshine's Avatar
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    I'm in that situation currently.

    My dh is terminally ill- and we have 3 kids at home. I work full time (overtime usually) but I'm the one who takes mom or dad to the doctor, gets them to the clinic for blood tests- flu shots- gets to the pharmacy to pick up their meds- calls the insurance company to straighten out mix ups. . . . . Mom lived with us for a while after her surgery (dad- who is wheelchair bound- wouldn't come here, so we ran between 2 households!).

    Both of dh's parents are in ill health as well and we're usually the ones who end up dealing with their issues as well.

    Yes we both have brothers and sisters who live near by, but we end up doing the most of the work.

    Oh well. . . .

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    Registered User PrairieRose's Avatar
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    I don't know if you prepare for this, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. My dparents live near us. My db lives 6 hours away and ds isn't able to help out. So, guess who that leaves? I do have an extra bedroom and my parents are getting on in age now. I hate to consider all of the what if's of the unknown future. I would say in our case it's definitely a possibility for one or both my dparents to come to live with us at some point.

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    we are also facing this. db already lives with us, but now mom is loosing her sight . i would love to have her here, but htink she will have to go to ds's. they have a bigger house. it scares me, but we won't put her or db in a nursing home.

  8. #7
    FV Buddy aka KathiBob KathiS's Avatar
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    I went through this several years ago. My Mother had cancer of the mouth. We had to tube feed her and the whole works. I was working and going to school and had a part time business. It was tough. I know what you gals are going through.

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    my mom moved in with my sister after her stroke (so did I, I was 10)
    It was hard on my sis, mom was bed ridden, sis had a 1yo, and me plus a demanding dh. It lasted about a month then mom went to a nursing home. She lived there 5 years

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