our aging parents.... - Page 4
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  1. #46
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    Holding his hand, my dad passed away Saturday morning, the 15th. Now~to struggle thru viewing & funeral. His suffering is over...

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    Registered User rosey7415's Avatar
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    ali lee, i am so sorry. i will be praying for you to have strength to get you through this.

  3. #48
    Registered User Lora88's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss the only thing I can offer is that it hurts less in time

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  5. #49
    Member Darlene's Avatar
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    Haven't read this thread before.
    Sending all of you big hugs and wishes for comfort in all those memories of happy times spent with those you loved and lost or are slowly losing.




  6. #50
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    Sending you all hugs. My husband and I have three parents left who are changing and starting to decline, so I know our time is coming. God be with us all.

  7. #51
    Registered User mombottoo's Avatar
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    ((((hugs)))) My deepest sympathy on the passing of your dad.
    "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." John Lennon
    "Infinite goodness has wide arms." Dante

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  8. #52
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    Default I can totally relate

    Hello people! I can very well relate to all of your stories. I'm the youngest of the three kids in the family and I had a tremendous burden on me while taking care of my ailing father. God rest his soul..he died January 10,2010 in a nursing home. But, before this, my dad had an aneurysm back in 1998. He had to sell his business and basically, my mom and I had to foot my dad's every whim. He gradually lost his ability to walk, so that was another major problem. As the years went by, he became meaner...dementia setting in. Aside from this, I had to endure alot of the cooking for both parents,caregiving, while mom was at her job, and cleaning . My two older brothers have a strained relationship with my mom and my oldest brother's relationship was strained with both parents, so look who we have left to take over..me.Throughout this journey, I didn't take the time to take care of me and I became very stresses,gained weight, and dealing with the emotions of losing my dad really "killed" me. I ended up having to cut most of my hair off due to all of this back in March and starting over. I felt a sense of relief when dad died..but not in a mean way. I too, was there when my father passed and the feelings are still there as the day he expired. I'm really depending on God to see me through, with healing and the way things were with the family during this time. Not sure why my mom started caregiving another elderly person, when dad needed her there with him,this was another factor in driving me a little bit more insane at the time. What I really feel is that she wanted an escape from the whole ordeal..so not fair. But I did what I had to do and God will bless me for it. Just my vent. Stephanie

  9. #53
    Registered User khaski's Avatar
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    AliLee-
    I don't know you or your family, and am sorry for your loss- but I am a little envious of him- not many of us will get to go in the hands of a loved one, he was a lucky man indeed that when his time came he was surrounded by love from his own.

  10. #54
    Registered User Imarachne's Avatar
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    I am, myself, up in age and having to take care of my parents and lastly an ill husband, I know how hard it is. So before the end times come, designate some one to be in charge of what to do in case.

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    The funeral is over, it's been a week... hard to believe. The military funeral was beautiful & the funeral home did a wonderful job on dad-he looked handsome. This time last year I was living with dad. For over 16 years, I made the 2hr trip down & back weekly. I'm feeling lost .... Now, to clean out his house & divide the contents.
    I want this thread to continue. Please share with us. We'll give you a hug, I'll shed a tear and we will become the best of friends. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for all the very needed hugs. xoxo

  12. #56
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for everyone's losses.

    I can't relate, My mother continues to irritate, annoy, exhaust, and in general bug me. I cannot explain it very well, but I read everyone's posts on lost parents and I keep thinking it'd be a relief. I don't want her to die I just want her to back off and leave me alone. I try so hard sometimes and tell myself "today I can handle her, today I will call her and talk to her and be my patient self" and within 5 minutes (ok 3 minutes) into the conversation I want to hang up on her. I want to yell at her. I want to tell her to STOP. BREATHE. STOP BEING DRAMA.

    I feel bad, I know she wants us to be best friends so badly and I just can't get there. I can't be that for her. I need her to go out and find friends and get back into life. I've suggested this gently in so many ways when she complains she is bored or lonely because I don't go out with her anymore. Here are the things I've suggested at various times, cheerfully: volunteer at the grandkids' schools, volunteer at a thrift/charity store, go to the local senior recreation center to meet people and play cards, (she enjoys cards) travel, volunteer at the library....um I can't remember what else but every time she shoots down whatever I came up with that day.

    Maybe I should have started my own thread for this, sorry. I just saw so many people upset about losing their parents and I'm struggling to feel empathy. Sympathy, yes, but not true empathy.

  13. #57
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    I am the youngest child. My sister moved away from home at 18 never to return to Wisconsin except for visits. I purposely stayed behind because I knew my parents needed me. I gave up the chance to be in the military and follow in my relatives footsteps and went to school. I became a doctor (therapist), retired early and moved close to the parents about 2 miles up the road from me. I have never lived outside my state and always kept close to the folks. Now they are elderly. Father has kidney problems that stem from his injuries in the Korean war and now is 81. Mother has organ failures, but is holding strong (as she can) at 77 and they both needed me even when my sister moved away. Unlike my sister, I could not turn my back on my folks because of troubles with my upbringing that was out of their hands.

    My mother irritates the heck out of me, but seeing that I'm the patient kind, don't let it get to me. Father, he is the quiet one. I could yell that the house is on fire, his comment would be, who started it? LOL

    I wont move my parents to a nursing home. We did that with my grandmother (moms mother) and she was abused there. We ended moving her to my parents home where she passed away comfortably. Never again will that experience happen in my family and seeing that I was in health care (sort of) in my previous career, and having done it for most of my life since my teens, my parents will stay home. Yes, I may have to move in with them periodically, but I'm single and have that flexibility. In the winter months, when a storm is coming. I'll pack a bag and stay at the parents so I can shovel them out. My road never is plowed till a day or two after a storm, so if something happens while I'm there (dad slips or mother has another organ failure) I'll have the means to take care of matters quickly.

  14. #58
    Registered User mh3rdwheel's Avatar
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    Daniel you are a wonderful son, my mom is currently in a nursing home for Altzheimers., my sister is responsible for her, fortunately the nursing home is a really good one. Sorry for what happened to your relative.

  15. #59
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    Most people confuse me with being a momma's boy, but they don't see what goes on behind the scenes. It be different if one was dependent on the other, but unfortunately that is not the case. It makes it hard on relationships, but family comes first.

  16. #60
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    Unhappy

    My DH was a momma's boy just like you, his mom came first, he loved his mom, they went and did a lot of stuff together he was very protective of his mom.

    And on the day he walked into his house, he saw his stepdad bring the shotgun up and pull the trigger and then he saw his mom hit in the temple, DH was 17 when this happened, then he was shot at and missed. This happened on June 9, 1990. You never forget.

    Sorry for bringing this up.

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