our aging parents.... - Page 5
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  1. #61
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    No need to apologize. Just goes to show how quick life can change so quickly. Good times can and will be replaced by something life altering whether its a violent act or that of a mere passing away from age or disease. The lesson is when it comes to parents, children, or siblings, spending as much time with them as possible is the gift of life and remembering those times when they have passed is a memory that no one can take away.

  2. #62
    Registered User mh3rdwheel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ali Lee View Post
    The funeral is over, it's been a week... hard to believe. The military funeral was beautiful & the funeral home did a wonderful job on dad-he looked handsome. This time last year I was living with dad. For over 16 years, I made the 2hr trip down & back weekly. I'm feeling lost .... Now, to clean out his house & divide the contents.
    I want this thread to continue. Please share with us. We'll give you a hug, I'll shed a tear and we will become the best of friends. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for all the very needed hugs. xoxo
    We can keep this thread open, I am sorry for your loss. When I had to clean out the baby stuff from my DS Nicholas in 1991 it was hard, I still have Nicky's baby blanket to this day, his brother DS Brad used it.

    Again sorry for your loss.

  3. #63
    Registered User mh3rdwheel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tatter View Post
    No need to apologize. Just goes to show how quick life can change so quickly. Good times can and will be replaced by something life altering whether its a violent act or that of a mere passing away from age or disease. The lesson is when it comes to parents, children, or siblings, spending as much time with them as possible is the gift of life and remembering those times when they have passed is a memory that no one can take away.
    Thank you, my Dh and his mom did a lot of things that most sons and mothers did not do. He went with his mom and grandfather and uncle to bars, etc together. They were very close. At first the cops beleived he killed his mom, then later he had to tell his sister, aunt, uncles, and cousins what happened. Nobody got him any help they made sure that his older sister (that decided to live with her dad) was sedated and gotten help but not DH.

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  5. #64
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    Finally I can get back here. Harvest has taken over my free time Sometimes the hardships fall on one persons shoulders, no matter what that person has been through. Such incidents create shock as you know, but only the one who witnesses the action will ever understand the deep loss, where other family members wont because there is a visual that nothing can erase. Therefore others will neglect another not thinking beyond their own feelings of loss. I take it your DH has overcome this violent act, though imagine he still has flashbacks of it.

  6. #65
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    Just checking in again. My mom had a stent put in her heart recently and my dad is in for cataract surgery this week. Yup, they are aging. I suspect they will age faster than other people as they have not taken care of their bodies over the years. No exercise, very fat-laden diets, sedentary lifestyle. My mom is not particularly overweight, I'd say has the middle-age-middle going on but that's about it. But the foods they eat, the lack of an active lifestyle, and heart disease in her family, I don't think she's going to have the easiest time in the future.

    I thought the heart stent surgery would make me feel like "oh wow I have to spend time with my mom before she's gone!" but instead I was annoyed by the aging in general. She has told me before, "I have done enough in my life I don't want to do anything now that I'm retired." I just know so many retired people that are just starting their lives, in a sense, not sitting at home for hours and hours and days and days. I know, its not my life to live, I have my own life. Its none of my business.

    I do think my dad's dementia will set in sooner if he doesn't start getting active mentally and physically but once again I guess that's his life as well. He has dementia on his mom's side and heart disease on his dad's side, he is very overweight right now but working on that. He does these Yo-Yo diets of practically starvation then gluttony when he gives up, he really can't seem to understand moderation in life!! At one point in his life he was 400 lbs, its insane to watch someone balloon up and then shrink down, that can't be good for his body system.

    Thanks for listening, I do feel I should have more compassion but I just don't feel it. I don't feel like they are contributing to society other than staying out of its way. Maybe that should be good enough. They just have so much time on their hands, so much to offer, to give back both time and money to this world....sigh ok am done rambling.

  7. #66
    Registered User cab54's Avatar
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    krbshappy71----I was at my Mom's house Monday and Tuesday nights and took her to get her second cataract done. They really messed up the first eye, and had to 'go back in' there and fix what they'd done two more times. But this eye turned out perfect--she is excited how well she can see out of it. They put a Toric (??) lens in this one. She feels like she barely needs glasses now.

    My Mom is starting to get more......lonesome and needy.....since my stepdad died in November.

  8. #67
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    Does anyone else get the "drama" from the aging parent? Dad fell a couple weeks ago. Yes, he got scuffed up pretty bad but that's it. We took him to the med dr for x-rays and the chiropractor 2 times. Both say he is fine. He acts like he is so bad at church that one of the Pastors came up to me. I had to let him know what the dr's said then let him know dad is on a drama run. Before you think I am too insensitive, let him tell you that he moved his huge, big screen TV on the carpet all by himself today.

  9. #68
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    Yes, I get the drama from the aging parents lol. It's kind of cute actually as mother has chastised me a few times. Her comment "Well dang it anyhow, about time you feel sorry for me. I brought you up, felt sorry for all your bangs and bruises, it's your turn to feel sorry for me" and most of the time she gives me this dirty look that just ends any more comments from me.

  10. #69
    Registered User T8er St8er's Avatar
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    This last couple of years has been a real pooper. Oct 10 2010 My Father has a massive stroke. (I was up in the Mt. hunting. Didn't know about it until 2 days later.) October 12 2011 Again I'm hunting with my Family in the Mt. I call home to check on things the night of the 12th. My brother answers. (NOT A GOOD SIGN) "Dad died while mowing the lawn today." Dec 12 2011 I get a call from my Aunt. " Meet me at the hospital. Your Mother and I went out to dinner here at Applebees. She's having a stroke. The Ambulance is transporting her right now." And the hits just keep coming. (And no, I no longer hunt.)

  11. #70
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    Dear T8er, (is it Tater?)
    My deepest sympathy on losing your father. Sounds like Mom isn't doing so well, but I hope she is painfree & at peace. By your age, your parents must be in their 60's or early 70's. Who would have thought Dad would pass away so young, really. "Life" is crazy isn't?
    And now your Mom. Are you the POA? part of caretaking team? 43yrs & a lot on your shoulders.
    Sound like you've been a hunter all your life? And isn't hunting a joy? I betcha your parents know how much you love your sport. And do you think they would want you to quit--because of them? Dad would have passed away, no matter where you was at. Mom's stroke was going to happen-whether you were there or not. You couldn't have saved Dad, Tater.
    Dying is a part of life. Enjoy Mom while she's here. Hug her, hold her hand, but what you were doing when major life events happens, did not cause the event.
    So, dust off your gun & prepare for the next hunting season. Your Dad would never wanted you to quit because of him.
    Be at peace, young man.

  12. #71
    Registered User T8er St8er's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ali Lee View Post
    Dear T8er, (is it Tater?)
    My deepest sympathy on losing your father. Sounds like Mom isn't doing so well, but I hope she is painfree & at peace. By your age, your parents must be in their 60's or early 70's. Who would have thought Dad would pass away so young, really. "Life" is crazy isn't?
    And now your Mom. Are you the POA? part of caretaking team? 43yrs & a lot on your shoulders.
    I have a brother that lives in the same town as I do. Mom lives just a few miles away. My Mother is LUCKY if my brother calls her once a month. So my Family have taken on all the responsibilities with regards to my Mother. I either call her or stop by daily. Our sons (19 & 13) go over and help out around the house every Saturday. My wonderful wife either calls or goes over and checks on Mom several times a week. My Ww takes Mom to the store and runs her around to help her do errands. We all go over every Sunday and spend most of the day with her. My Father left Mom well taken care of. She isn't a millionaire, yet she definitely won't have to worry about $$. They were married 55 years. Her biggest problem right now is getting used to being alone. I've recommended assisted living. Unless she is incapacitated, that isn't gonna happen. So, for my piece of mind, she wears a "Life Alert". I'm on ALL her accounts and the POA.

  13. #72
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    Ugh, my Nana had Alz and I watched the hell my mother went thru caring for her for years right up until her death.
    My sister sadly passed away at 48 yrs. old. I literally watched my parents age 20 yrs. before my eyes. My dad is now 83 and my Mom will be 80. I've tried talking to them about adding onto my home and moving in. They currently live 30 min. away. When my sister was dying siblings & inlaws who had nothing to do with her care came forward & said some things that have torn my close knit family apart. My sister loved my parents more than anything and I will stand by them til the end. I am the youngest of 6 and I have basically 1 sister on my side caring for my parents. It's rough. The 1 sibling I have is pretty self centered. It's all about "ME" with her so I am alone. I dread what lays ahead and can relate to your pain. It's tough watching our parents get old and we in turn are now the care givers.

  14. #73
    Registered User T8er St8er's Avatar
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    May I make one comment? Please remember this is just my OPINION. Don't hesitate! Don't think about it! Move in with them. It's the right thing to do. It's now our turn to give back.

  15. #74
    Registered User larabelle's Avatar
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    Well, I never thought I would be responding to THIS thread...LOL...I guess I thought my parents would never get old they just have always been young in my eyes...well now they are getting older.

    They are now both in their 70's and showing their age. They both have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and dad now has diabetes. They are very sedentary and both are showing signs of memory deficits. ALZ runs in both sides of the family. Dad also has very poor vision and has been hospitalized once this year with a-fib. They are having problems with driving due to poor eyesight.

    They live 8 hours from me and are not keen on moving. My siblings (I am one of 5) live 3 hours from them and do try to help. I envision that there are going to have to be some major changes in the coming year.

    One thing this thread has showed me is that either they need to move close to family or we need to move close to them.
    Blessed and Highly Favored!!!!
    From $78K in debt to debt free and purchased a house and used car with 100% cash...God is sooo Good!!!

    Goals:
    New to me vehicle

  16. #75
    Registered User T8er St8er's Avatar
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    Just a thought here. Because of my above mentioned situation, we have began storing and "Prepping" with my Mother in mind also.

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