The Eye of the Hurricane..
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  1. #1
    Registered User Thevail's Avatar
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    Feb 2009
    Bellingham, WA
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    Default The Eye of the Hurricane..

    We've all heard about the "transition" in life when your kids grow up...

    I really think that may be the understatement of the decade! Maybe it's just me, but it feels like I'm running as fast as possible, and still have no idea where I'm going

    There seems to be so much to get used to, both good and bad.. but mostly just different.

    cooking for a family to cooking for just two..
    good: we're losing weight! I NEVER have to eat mac-n-cheese again!!!

    bad: not a particularly frugal .. leftovers are a waste of one eats them. We seem to be eating out a lot more than we probably should, but with both of us so busy..who is going to cook?

    We both have jobs
    good: more financial stability and ability

    bad: my house is a sty! My dog is neurotic, and paying the bills has had to become an actual scheduled activity. Also, we miss each other dreadfully. Before, one of us (me) could always take up the slack etc. now no one is even holding onto the rope.

    Good: meeting new people, making new friends, shaking the dust of years off of the old brain.

    Bad: Many professors are not only kinda dense, but OMG the EGO!!! And the nightmarish scheduling ruins an entire day for 3 hours of classes.

    daughter more or less gone:
    good: sex everywhere! No more utter drivel on TV.. in fact we just turned it off, less general sighing and eye rolling

    bad: We worry..A) That she's safe, B) If she'll ever come get all this stuff, C) That she'll not only come back, but want to bring her boyfriend too...

    Whole new relationship with friends:
    good: They are learning to be a bit more self reliant, and our food bill has gone down since we don't have extra people to feed every night.

    bad: They think I'm selfish, becoming snooty, or that I'm mad at them because I don't want to see them every day..

    It's a lot to adjust to in such a short time period. Some days i just want to call the whole thing off... but you can never go back i suppose.. What were your experiences?

  2. #2
    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
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    other than when the oldest lived away for college mine are still at home and since there is 13 years between the oldest and youngest when the youngest is gone i will probably / hopefully have some grandkids hanging around .
    " although my 9 yo insists he is living with me forever- no college - no marraige - staying with mom LOL !!

    i look forward to being able to use the bathroom to shower without making sure no one else needs to go first

    i look forward to cleaning a room and it staying clean ( esp bathroom)

    i look forward to not being blamed for missing items. i think i could be a state away and somehow - in some way i still "moved" my 19 yos items just to bug her LOL

    i actually worry less when they live away ( oldest who is now home - lived in an apt or house while in college) if they dont get home till 4 am they are not living here so i dont worry - no waking up and noticing their car not there because they dont live here -they also dont wake me up coming in .

    and because getting good sleep is a huge part of my maintaining my health with the fibro i have kind of decided even with them at home that no use me sitting upand fretting about an over 18 yo child- because i will drive myself batty -and i cant sleep late i have younger kids - plus reality is if somethimg happens i would get a phone call my sitting up worrying wouldnt change that .
    i just ask for a text if they decide to sleep at a friends rather than drive home .

  3. #3
    Registered User Luckybustert's Avatar
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    May 2007
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    Your experience sounds very much like mine, but it does get better so hang in there! (Valid concern about DD returning with boyfriend....mine all boomeranged back home at least once, but eventually it stuck!) Probably the biggest challenge at this time is the home....I don't want to work 9 hours a day and then come home and work another 6 or 8 hours, and that's what I'd have to do to keep the house as clean as I would like for it to be.

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  5. #4
    Registered User pinecone's Avatar
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    My DDs are 5 years apart and we moved when DD1 started college. DMIL came to live with us at that time too...totally unexpected but when we realized something was happening, we made an appointment with a geriatric doctor. Diagnosis was Alzheimer's so when DD2 flew the nest we were not in the empty nest arena quite yet.

    Everyone experiences this time in varying ways. Hugs as you start the walk.


  6. #5
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    wow. I am getting a taste of all this now. My DD was at a camping reunion all weekend w/ Bf and family. My DS is always w/ friends. DH works out of the country in 2-3 week stretches. I feel you could roll a bowling ball thru my life and not hit anything.
    I am lonesome already. I finally get that seperation happens suddenly in chunks not gradually.
    I don't have a large group of friends,a job or a church group. I feel guilty going to college because we don't really have money for them to go. I am kind of floundering here.
    I have started doing 5 year projections. How many pets,no mortgages, new systems,what we will drive,etc. to try and get a direction. They have to live their lives but now what for me.kwim. I don't want to start doing a lot of stupid crap to take up space and time. Trying to remember what I even wanted before kids and if it has any relevance now. Taking the D.R. course to get our beginning direction.

  7. #6
    Registered User Syn D's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    One reason I got to this site is cos' our youngest will be graduating high school next May.. I am now working on the just Paul and myself budget, so we can be sure we can afford travel (8hr drive to see our grandson) or anything..

    I know my budget will go down when it's just the 2 of us, but I want to help it more.. We can't go out for dinner due to his work hours, so I have to cook, and got ideas already for that, which I think will work wonderfully with a minor, but major right now, investment will have to be made ~ a food saver machine to fully make it work..

    I'm not a "when the time comes" person, I wanna know I am set "when the time comes" that is why I am doing it so soon... We are a 1 low income family and as I will probably not work after May either (medical prob), we need to do this..

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