I'm leaving the nest. (long if I start to ramble)
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  1. #1
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    Default I'm leaving the nest. (long if I start to ramble)

    I don't want to go into too many details, but here's the jist of it.

    I have a long-distance bf, going on 3 years now. 1,495 miles.

    I have an opportunity to leave the nest to my daughter, and move to be with him, leaving all my belongings behind. "Clothes and Dogs" were all I was going to move, initially. But then the heart begs for more stuff.

    Some of the reasoning I've used so far not to move stuff:

    The step-children might break it accidentally.
    The move might break it accidentally.
    It costs more to move it than to buy from a thrift shop out there.

    But its not working! I want to move it all and that's just ridiculous. I'm totally ok leaving behind furniture but its all that stupid sentimental stuff. Its not even sentimental, its just ridiculous sometimes the feelings I have attached to things.

    Someone once posted as a tip to clean house "pretend you're moving" but I'm there and it isn't helping. Help!

    What would you move? How would you draw the line? (knowing all things will be safe in the house you are leaving it in)

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    A few years ago I moved across the country, from CA to FL. I took everything. 4 months later, I returned to CA. I took everything. I would do the same again. My things are my things regardless where I live. If you plan on keeping your things, take them with you unless you are worried that the situation will not last. If you're concerned about this not being a permanent move, take only the things you really love and leave the rest packed or get rid of it. You can always have it shipped later if you want.

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    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    I'd think of it as a game.

    #1 - What do you REALLY WANT to take.
    #2 - Now what do you REALLY NEED to take?
    #3 - What does your new home have room for?

    Everything that doesn't fit into those three categories - sell off and make money for your travel/move expenses.

    Leave the basic furniture/dishes behind for DD to use. Personally if she's already out of the nest...sell off the nest but there's something more to your story here that you're not sharing - and you don't have to - but logically thats what I'd do.

    Sell it, toss it or make money from it.

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    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    Hm. Good point about whether I think its a permanent move.

    The general thought is that we will move back here to retire. So then I get hung up on "will I want this in 12+ years?" and then I get hung up on the thoughts of, "will I really want to move back in 12+ years if I build a life out there?"

    Daughter is in the nest and wants to keep it for as long as I will let her. That's funny you mentioned dishes, I actually had to think long and hard about the stupid dishes. They are from Target, for crying out loud, they aren't handed down through generations!

    Maybe I am starting WAY too early on this stuff, projected move isn't for another 10 months, I thought starting early would help me so I wouldn't be under the gun to make decisions hastily. But now I feel like I've stretched out the process into some huge deal.

    Hm. Thanks for the replies. Good thinking stuff.

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    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    Just remember: its all 'stuff'. Your BF has 'stuff' you can use, no? Take only the things he doesn't have - special kitchen gadgets you use to make special treats etc. When both time/space/budget allow - you can slowly purge 'his stuff' and get 'both of you' stuff

    BTW I don't think you're stretching it out - you're planning ahead and thats smart. Start thinking about it - price out Uhaul trailers/trucks. Price out moving companies etc. How much are you willing to pay to haul stuff across the country that you *may* use or weren't sure if it meant a lot to you?

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    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    What if you boxed things in a way (and with a label) that if you wanted them to be shipped to you, they could be done so very easily by your daughter. You can go out with the minimum and then add things as you need/want them.

    It is going to be a big adjustment for you, the pets AND the family you are moving in with. OVERWHELMED comes to mind very quickly for me in that situation and this way you can add the sentimental things to your new home in a manner that you can control.


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    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    The bf doesn't have any stuff, but I am trying to tell myself that spatulas are a dime a dozen. No really, I actually considered packing spatulas, crazy!

    I've been boxing and labeling, maybe I should make a list of the boxes that I leave at this house so it will be easier for me to request her to ship them. Or donate them, as time goes by and I convince myself to stop hanging onto it.

    I'll be visiting this house, as well, to visit her. I need to stop thinking this is the end-all be-all to my stuff. Heck I could ship stuff back to myself, I could take it back in a suitcase, or just go through it and donate more of it while I visit her.

    ITS JUST STUFF, why do I let it have such a hold on me! Grr!

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    Registered User frugalfriend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krbshappy71 View Post
    ITS JUST STUFF, why do I let it have such a hold on me! Grr!
    Could it be because you have worked so hard to get out of debt, and you want to stay out of debt and save your money for the future? Having to buy more stuff to replace things you need that were left behind would be a waste of money in your mind? That would be my line of thinking.

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    I have a problem with "stuff" too. The thing I have been doing lately (very different than what you are going through, but might help you with what to take) going to thrift stores and shopping; If I don't LOVE it don't buy it!!! Maybe you could use this with what to take.

    Good Luck and let us know what you decide. Where are you moving to if you don't mind me asking?

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    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    I say go with the bare minimum and then see what you can live w/o. This could be an eye opener for you.

    I do like the idea of sorting the boxes and labeling them so should you really need something and it could be shipped to you. Plus then at that point in time you can decide if its cheaper to have it shipped vs buying it used wherever you are. AND you can always keep a list of things you're having difficulty living w/o so when you come home to visit DD you can pack it up and ship it to yourself OR take it with you in your suitcase.

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    I am dealing with this right now. We are planning a move in 2 months from AZ (my hometown) to WI (his hometown). It's stressing me out! You are lucky to be starting so early.

    When I realized it would cost a minimum of $1,200.00 to rent a truck to take all of the furniture, etc., I quickly changed my mind! My odds and end furniture isn't even worth that much.

    I am now looking at renting a trailer to pull with our SUV and just taking whatever I can fit into the trailer + the SUV, but that will still run around $600 (have to get the hitch installed).

    It would be so liberating to just pack the SUV and leave everything else behind, but I doubt I will be able to do that.

    Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!! Just take it a little at a time... no reason to rush into any decisions.

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    I live in TX with my husband and children, but as an only child I was left the family home in MI. I love having my sentimental things in both houses. Take what is really important with you and you will be able to "visit" your other treasures when you visit your daughter. I know some people just see things as stuff or worse yet junk, but I so understand getting attached and have regretted tossing or donating some things already. Hannah

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    Registered User Debbie-cat's Avatar
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    I sold my home and moved my stuff here to my husbands. There wasn't enough room for all my stuff and most of it was kept in a storage trailer here on the property. After three years, I started going through my stuff and had a garage sale. The only things I kept were a couple of pieces of furniture that I loved, my photo albums and a few pieces that were my grandmothers. Other than that, I realized that all the stuff I thought was so precious really wasn't. It was a big eye opener. I wish. You luck but remember that it is just stuff and I hope you don't make the mistake I did.




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    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugalfriend View Post
    Could it be because you have worked so hard to get out of debt, and you want to stay out of debt and save your money for the future? Having to buy more stuff to replace things you need that were left behind would be a waste of money in your mind? That would be my line of thinking.
    This got me thinking. It's more of a fear that I will go over the edge again on a shopping spree with him. The excitement of a new house (he is trying to buy a house, get his finances in order etc) and being local for the first time.....I have already picked out my new dishes on Target online.

    I do feel it's wasteful to leave an entire house and buy again, but I have talked myself through part of that because my daughter can use all of it. But sometimes I think I am using that as an excuse to shop later. I have very bad habits with credit.

    Stupid thing I wanted to pack example: my oldest daughter and I went to an ice cream shop and they had adorable spoons that you ake with you. I wanted to pack these spoons to move! They represented that evening with her and I told myself "oh his kids will like them..." but it's not just these two spoons, I am doing that with a lot of things.

    I watch hoarders.....hahahah some of the shows are scaring me when I find myself attached to "things" lol! I am not that bad but am not the minimalist that I thought I was, either.

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    You definately have time to think about what you want to pack. Personally I would still take some items with me. Are there specific kitchen utensils that you always use. Pack them. Why, because once you are in your new enviornment you will have something you are used to. Moving for me is very disorienting. Packing a few items to help you feel comfortable seems more than acceptable.

    If you plan on buying "new" once you get there then start making a list of all the items you will need for the new place and the price you expect to pay for them. Then tally it up and see if bringing some basic items is worth it. If you are afraid of going on a spending spree having basic items until you can get a good deal would probably help.

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