Feeling like an awful Grandma... alittle long
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  1. #1
    Registered User Mamaw's Avatar
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    Default Feeling like an awful Grandma... alittle long

    Here is my story
    Grands live in Cleveland, while I live in Pittsburgh. I used to visit every 2 weeks without fail. Circumstances have changed and I am not able to go as often. I was supposed to drive out today and stay for the weekend. It is 19 degrees out right now, temps are going to drop and it is a light snowfall. The weather in Cleveland on one website is showing blowing snow with maybe 3 inches expected and cold. Another site shows anywhere from 6 to 10 inches and higher in the lake effect area. All sites indicate snow today, Saturday and perhaps Sunday.
    I cancelled my visit as I am concerned about the snow fall, bad roads and cold. I hate the idea of stepping foot into the cold and my knees are aching in the cold as well. My daughter thinks I am overreacting and that it is just a typical Cleveland winter. I feel guilty as I know the little ones are wanting me to come and play all weekend, plus thier parents want me to babysit and let them go out to dinner. I have not seen them since Christmas and will not be able to go to visit now until the 22nd.
    I am feeling guilty about not going...but I also dont want to spend the entire weekend worrying about driving home on Sunday. The bottom line is that I would not enjoy myself as much as I should as I would worry about the drive home plus my legs, knees and hands hurt in the cold weather. If you had been me, what would you have done? Made the drive and tried to conceal your concern or postponed until another day?

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    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    You did what you thought was best for you and your health/safety. If the roles were reversed, would they do the same for you? In theory, yes but in reality? Thats a whole new ball game.

    Do not feel guilty for protecting yourself. You will be able to visit with them again soon enough, your safety is a high priority.

    BTW If the other grandparents feel that both children need a weekend 'off' from the kids (your grandchildren), they should be more then willing to drive them down to you to help out. Maybe its time things changed as you have stated you've been going up there non stop.

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    Registered User Ramona's Avatar
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    You did what was right for your safety and comfort. Hugs.

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    Super Moderator Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    If they want to go out to dinner, why don't they just get a sitter?

    Why would you feel guilty about not wanting to drive on bad roads?

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    I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't be at all upset of my children's grandma did the same thing you did. I wouldn't want someone I love to drive under dangerous conditions- it isn't worth it. There are other nights to go out to dinner...or find another babysitter!

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    Registered User Jamielane's Avatar
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    I think you did the right thing. Stay home and safe and comfortable. You will see them in two weeks and maybe an extra phone call this weekend to talk to the kids will make you feel better? They will be just fine and you will be safe to see them again in a few weeks.

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    Master Dollar Stretcher madhen's Avatar
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    Mamaw,

    Not sure how old you are, but since you are a grandparent, I'll take a flying leap of faith and say you are over 40. What some people fail to remember is that as we get older, our reaction time and our distance, night, and peripheral vision gets worse. What might not be a big deal to a 30-something can be a very harrowing experience for a 50-something.

    You know what is comfortable for you, and what you feel is dangerous. It is far better for your grandchildren to miss a few days with you than it is for them to spend the rest of their lifetimes without you.

    Grandparents should not be considered unpaid babysitters. If your kids have taken it for granted that you'll always take their kids, then let's hope this was a bit of a wake-up call for them!
    DH aka Mad Hen
    (http://mad-hen-creations.blogspot.com/)

    Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe

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    Registered User Spikey1341's Avatar
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    You say you are in Pittsburgh? There is no way I would want to be on Mountain roads when it is blowing snow! Tell your daughter to get a babysitter. I wouldn't want my mother driving in those conditions whether they were normal winter weather or not.

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    Registered User stinkbug's Avatar
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    Wow. I would have cancelled without a second thought. I'm 53 and hate driving after dark. My kids know if I'm going to babysit, they need to bring kids here in the winter when it is dark so early.

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    Registered User ohio47's Avatar
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    Mamaw, I don't blame you one bit. I grew up about 40 miles north of Pittsburgh and now live between Cleveland and Columbus so I know what those roads can get like in snowy weather. They con get treacherous. I know what it is like to miss your grandkids so I can sympathize with you but it's better to be safe than sorry. HUGS!

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    I wouldn's make the drive if I didn't feel safe. I'd probably check into trains for the future, but if I couldn't be comfortable I still wouldn't go. Let them drive if they wish!

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    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    Agree with all said above!! If you take care of yourself- you'll be around longer to enjoy and be enjoyed!!

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    postponed no worries about it..and why can't they come and see u.
    hugs darlin' no guilt either the weather will get better eventually and the road goes both ways.....hugs

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    Registered User dcompton's Avatar
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    My first thought was the same as Madhen's. The young just don't understand the difficulties of getting old - how could they, having never experienced it? Believe me, I know about weather related joint and hand pain - that alone would be enough to excuse you. Add in the potentially dangerous road conditions and you are, in my opinion, 100% right to make the choice you did. Things I would have paid no attention to at the age of young parents become increasing challenges later in life. I hope they will eventually come to accept that and trust your judgment about when you feel you can come and when you can't.

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    McD
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    Did she actually say you were overreacting? If so, that's a wee bit ridiculous on her part.

    If she did say it, chalk it up to disappointment talking. If you still want to do something special for the kids, mail them a card. My kids freak out over getting mail and Dubs keeps his letters and cards from his grandparents in his 'special' box to reread when he misses them.

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