My first post in this forum.
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  1. #1
    Registered User mom21's Avatar
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    Nov 2005
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    Default My first post in this forum.

    I've seen this forum, but assumed because I have a child at home that it didn't even apply to me even though I am 47. Well she just turned 16 last week. She is a junior (skipped 9th grade), so we start this week and next visiting colleges. Hard for me to believe she will be leaving in a little over a year to head off, and I will be all alone. I've longed for this day as my daughter is a horrible handful. Mouthy and messy don't even begin to describe it. It has really only be me and her since her father left when she was 10.For first year and a half he only picked her up for maybe a lunch or something. Due to my forcefulness and requiring him to recognize I needed time to myself, he now gets her most weeks Sunday afternoons and she comes home on the bus Tuesday afternoons. He skips though fairly often with no warning, so I stopped buying tickets to do things. She's old enough now to be left alone, but I hate when the phone starts ringing at 10pm telling me time to come home. She doesn't like being home at night by herself when she is ready to go to sleep.

    I've dated, but no one was really special and few lasted longer than a few months. A lot of that has to do with not being able to be a part of the family as my daughter refused to accept any of them. I will admit though maybe some of that was me. I don't care much for men lately and have a bad attitude about them. Most guys my age are either looking to cheat or there is a reason they are single. Or they've been single so long, it is almost impossible to get them to realize being with another person requires compromise. They want it all their way.

    Anyway I've suddenly realized I'm going to be all alone very soon. I don't care much to join groups,socialization, volunteer,etc. I work from home. So for those of you like me, what did you do? Was it an easy transistion? All I can think about is how clean my house will be with her and the cat gone. I'm looking forward to that I'm sure.

  2. #2
    Registered User pammy's Avatar
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    I went round and round with my daughter as well since she was that age up to her now age of 24. Same issues, mouthy, messy, etc. She recently moved out a few months ago after living with me for over half a year this time, and we both admit we like each other much better now that she's living on her own. I know some parents really dread their grown children leaving and some even want them to live with them forever, nope, not me, lol.

    Transitioning... still dealing with that myself as my husband passed 6 months ago. I really do enjoy my own space, I guard it well, and like things my certain way. Have dabbled a little with dating, just to get out of the house occasionally, but have run in to what you've already described. Am not really into the social gatherings, either, so can't help you there. I have decided to try to do more of those things this year, though. I'm kinda an introvert so it's hard for me, but vow to at least try.

    Maybe once your daughter is at school you can try again to buy tickets and go do things. Do you have a girl friend to do things with? Any family that doesn't drive you crazy enough to do things with? Wish I had more advice, am kinda there myself. How about some company instead, lol. Hang in there!

  3. #3
    Registered User Beejay's Avatar
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    Just a few comments that come from experience. Despite the ups/downs in the relationship with your daughter, when she goes off to college, you are going to miss her sooooo much !! The first year that my daughter was away, I think I called her just about every other night. I should say TRIED to call her, because most of the time, she was not in her room, but out enjoying her new college life. Also, for the next year and a half, I would put dating on the back burner, because I think your daughter is sending you signals that she needs you around. Maybe do more social activities with just you and her. Why refrain from a social life because your ex may come by ???? What happened to calling ahead of time to see what would be a convenient time for you ? Also, since she has skipped a grade, most of her classmates are probably older. Maybe, this is causing some anxiety for her. The time before she goes off to college will go very quickly and the daughter that comes home after her first year away will be a much different person than the one who left. TRUST ME !! I would try to create the best possible relationship between us before she goes.

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