Newly single at 50, how to plan for retirement ?
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  1. #1
    Registered User frugal me's Avatar
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    Default Newly single at 50, how to plan for retirement ?

    Long story short... I was married 24 years, recently going thru a divorce. We have 2 kids..18 yo son and 13 yo daughter ( both live with me)
    I stayed home to raise them since son was born.
    I HAD to return to work when we were left alone unexpectedly .
    I was lucky to find a job close to home, but only pays $9 an hour.
    So, basically starting my life all over.

    How can I possibly plan for retirement on a small income and starting over at 50??? It takes everything I make, just to survive.
    I feel lost.

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    Registered User Ayanka's Avatar
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    First of all a big hug. Secondly, as you are going through a divorce and your husband is the one who left, do you have an attorney? Is there a chance you will be rewarded a part of his retirement? Could the son pay more of his own bills? Just the 2 first things that crossed my mind. I hope some of the more experienced people can advice you better?

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    ask around for some attorney suggestions and go for a (generally) free consult as soon as possible. He doesn't get to walk out the door on his responsibilities just because he wants to. You are entitled to your share of his retirement, half the equity in the house and he has to pay child support for your DD. It can feel impossible to fight for these things and that is why you need a good lawyer. Because you stayed home, you may be entitled to alimony for a few years or for him to help pay for you to go back to school. There are laws in place to protect you and if he refuses to pay, his wages can be garnished. Hugs and please protect yourself. Also, in regards to SS, when he retires, you can get a percentage of his benefit if it is higher than yours as long as you were married 10 years and have not re-married

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    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    Don't try to be the "nice guy" in this situation----you can act decently but also firmly when it comes to getting what you are entitled to according to the divorce laws of your state. Some women won't take all they should have because they feel it's not "polite" or "feminine." This is why you need a good divorce attorney. Insist on what you can and should have after 24 years of marriage. You will need monetary child support and possibly spousal support, at the very least.

    You CAN make it through this. You've done nothing wrong. Hold your head up, remember you are a person with many good qualities, and take any help (be careful of advice, though) from friends and family that is offered. Many churches also offer support/counseling for women going through this. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed to seek it.

    It won't be easy but you WILL be all right, and you'll come out stronger when this is over.

    Hugs to you!

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    Registered User zakity's Avatar
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    Depending on the state, he might be responsible for paying alimony also.

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    Registered User ilovechocolate's Avatar
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    I meant to add that you may be entitled to much more than just child support/possible spousal support, depending on the state in which you live.

    Do not use the same attorney as your ex! Get your own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ilovechocolate View Post

    Do not use the same attorney as your ex! Get your own.
    this is crucial! Also, they may offer you mediation, I have read over and over that women make out worse in mediation than they would before a judge.

    you will come out of this a stronger person, hold your head up high and it's ok to cry in the shower so the kids don't hear, lol

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    You really need first off to look at getting a better job as a priority... $9/hour doesn't cut it for long term... Also don't be afraid to get help, you can use food banks and contact local charities for some short term support. Look into into things like low income utility programs and rent subsidies for longer term survival....

    In the meantime - short term survival mode includes being super frugal. No entertainment that costs money (ie cut the cable), eating lots of rice/beans/pasta and cutting out a lot of meat, trim your utilities to bare minimums, etc....

    If the kids can earn some money for their own needs that is great ( Have them think babysitting, pet sitting, lawn mowing, etc.). At the very least, they should be doing chores like laundry, cooking, etc so that you can maximize your money earning time (ie working overtime or doing side jobs yourself.).

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    Registered User MsMarieH's Avatar
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    In addition to the excellent comments above, depending on your state, your husband may also have to contribute to college expenses for your children.
    2020 Pay Off Debt Challenge: $25,675.45/$25,676.45 (Goal COMPLETED: Pay Off By 12/30/2020)

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    Since you were married 10 years or more, you will be entitled to half of his SS retirement when you retire at age 62 or later, provided that you haven't remarried. My ex doesn't realize this and I am not telling him, either. We were married 14 years. He was very sneaky about this divorce...as in he didn't tell me about the court date, I wasn't notified, and less than a week later he went to Las Vegas with someone else and still hadn't told me we were divorced. I did, however, listen to his voice messages while he was gone and heard a message from his attorney the day before the court not to tell me. As I knew, and still know, his account passwords, I found out which hotel he was at, called in the middle of the night, and told him that I knew. All he had to say was that he was glad I knew because he felt bad about not telling me.

    Sorry to hijack. All of that to say, you'll be entitled to half of your ex's SS retirement if you're not remarried.

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