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Thread: growing older
02-11-2005, 05:05 PM #1
I never think about my age unless it stops me from doing something I want to do. Such as work like a maniac for long periods of time, stay up late or try to adjust my eyes from close up sewing to driving my car. I happen to think you're not your age and that being 30 isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I like now. Being 56 allows me to be free of all those insecurities that we all have in our 20s and 30s, I've got more spare time to do what I want to do - the mortgage is paid off and I just feel really good in my own head.
I think I still look ok, I'm really healthy and I feel great, but when I look at my DH I know we are aging. He is 64 and he's just showing the first signs of being old. He's had grey hair since he was in his mid-30s so it's not just the grey hair, it's more that his body isn't rock hard muscular like it used to be. He's still very fit and works harder than someone 20 years younger but I know it's harder for him to do it, even though he enjoys work and I know he'll never stop working at something. I'm watching him now as he digs our vegetable garden - it's 6.30am, he'll go to work at our store later and then come home and work on his computer until 9pm-ish. Sometimes it scares me to remember that he's already had a small stroke and he has high blood pressure.
I think it's strange and wonderful that we've merged like this and that I can only see myself age as I see him age. I wonder if he does the same when he looks at me.
02-12-2005, 01:15 PM #2
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Rhonda I feel the same way. I've watched dh age before my eyes and I've often wonder what it would be like if I was the older one.
My mom didn't age until she had her surgery a little over a year ago and then I watched her age so quickly and I wonder if I'll be like her. Both grandmother's on her side aged gracefully and not until in their later years.
02-12-2005, 07:30 PM #3
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It is a great topic. My dh isn't aging like that much yet (he's only 51) but he's complaining....lol. He longs for the days of more energy. My age doesn't bother me until I sit in the floor! Then I walk like one leg is 6 inches shorter than the other......
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02-13-2005, 11:34 AM #4
Interesting thread. I do believe you pull from your SO when it comes to aging.
I am 47 and had been married for 27 years. In that time we raised a family and lived a quiet life. MY x was very comfortable in that life, to the extent that he settled down, gained weight and did very little exercise aside from work. I didn't really settle into that life comfortably. I loved my family but I needed to keep busy and he just didn't want to keep busy with me. It was ok for a while but when I got to the realization that this was it...what it was going to be like for the rest of our lives I needed to leave.
I left. I'm not proud of it but I feel it was the best thing for both of us, whther he'll ever agree to that or not.
He had a heart attack after I left. Boy, was that ever a guilt trip for me! I had to realize that he wasn't in the hospital from a broken heart, he had a heart attack based on the life he lived despite my ever constant urging to eat better and DO something! In a way that was good for him, it was a mild heart attack and he has since lost tons of weight (alright, he lost the weight from me leaving, but he lost it) he now watches everything he eats, he exercises and he will now live a longer life because of this.
I have a very full life now. I have a new BF who has introduced me to a life I had NEVER known. At 47 for the first time in my life I now ski, we go to dances, we go to parties, we hike, we bike, we just DO. I just don't feel old now.
X and I would have NEVER broken the mold we created. We'd have stayed in that rut till we died an early death but now we may both just find out what living is about.
I do feel terribly guilty about leaving and breaking up our family and my kids are probably not ever going to be comfortable with me again but I just can't regret it, knowing that a better life may be had by both of us.
02-23-2005, 12:37 PM #5
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I'm 51 and married 27 years. And like you have said, I don't think about the age most of the time. I don't mind the gray streak in my hair, in fact I kinda like it. But when a small chore becomes a big deal -- like raking leaves or helping DH carry a heavy object or digging in my garden -- then it hits me that there is NOT going to be much improvement over the present condition!
I'd love to be 30 lbs lighter and I'd love to lose the flab the twin pregnancy gave to my older tummy 12 years ago. And 10 years ago I did lose that 30 lbs! I looked pretty good too. But its come back, and for some reason this "advanced" age makes losing weight very hard. So I'm trying to follow my New Year resolution which was to "eat healthy" food.
I also try to avoid looking in the mirror.
But I also know its a BIG cop out. If I don't do something now, 10 years from now I will be paying big time. My mother has terrible osteoporosis (mostly from growing up in the Depression era, I believe). I've had a bone scan -- its okay. But as I can tell from the last 10 years, the next 10 years will bring some bigger, less desirable changes.
What to do?
03-04-2005, 02:46 PM #6
I am 57 and DH is 58. Honestly, I don't think either one of us gives much thought at all to aging. We are both in good health, active in our jobs, and have many, many interests. I have colored my hair for years and years only because God forgot that I was supposed to be a red-head!! We have been married since May 31, 1968 and he still gives me a tingle!! I guess I don't have the endurance that I used to have but now I have sense enough to pace myself. LOL!!
03-21-2005, 05:38 PM #7
It is a little strange to notice that I am getting older. I am 45 and I've never really felt too much like a "grown up". I think I've always certainly looked young for my age, and I think young, too. But, the body does change. Things like needing reading glasses or hand strength decreasing. Some gray hair, more wrinkles around the eyes.
I remember my grandpa saying something cool, when he was in his 90's....he said that his mind and thoughts and feelings were exactly the same as when he was a teenager.
I want to be like that. I continue to take classes to expand my mind. I do yoga and walk on my treadmill. I'm re-learning piano and math and history through my kids.
I'm also realizing that things are not the same as they were years ago and you can't go back. Kind of sad, but not really. I do feel like I have a stonger sense of who I am and what I am about.
I do notice my husband aging, though, and that means I am, too. His eyes are still a gorgeous blue and he is still sexy to me.
Anyway, life is good if I look at it in the right way.
03-31-2005, 05:56 PM #8
I read with admiration all your ladies feelings about growing older- I am going to be 40 later this year, and I can say that it doesn't really bother me too much- I am beginning to think that I am more interesting now than I ever was at 25, despite the extra pounds and all! Reading how you all have felt about aging, and the ways you deal with it give me a lot to look forward to!
03-31-2005, 07:21 PM #9
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When I look at Mel, I know I must be aging too. He's always been so active and physical until the last year and his health has been going downhill a bit. There is 17 years between our ages so I hope that I am still looking at least a bit appealing (okay as young as you can at 42 anyway). It seems that time is flying by. I remember Ryan as a newborn like it was yesterday. I can tell that my body has lost it's ability to bounce back like I did when I was in my 20's but I too think I've lost some of the insecurities and worries that I had back then.
04-05-2005, 04:44 PM #10
I think I know what you mean about that one! I look at my sons, and I cannot believe how fast they are growing up! I know what you mean about bouncing back as quickly too- I used to be able to do a million and one things in one day without hardly taking a breath- now I have to stop a rest a little in between it all. I still get it all done though- just maybe not in one day!