Why is this so hard for me? (very long....)
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  1. #1

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    Aug 2005
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    Default Why is this so hard for me? (very long....)

    Dh and I are leaving for our Alaskan cruise on the 18th (-25th). We have been planning it for months and it is all paid for. It is our first *real* vacation in 10 years! So.....I have a very elderly dog and a cat...and we have a pond/fish, garden, etc...just little things that need looking after. We got a gal from church to house sit for us (20.00 per day to stay here). Then she cancelled on us. (I booked her two months ago). Then a friend knew a teacher who would be willing to do it since she was single/no family/apartment/no obligations, etc. She called yesterday and cancelled because her grandma broke her hip and she has to go stay with her. I just completely broke down....we need this vacation so badly and there is literally no one else that we know to ask (there are NO listings in our phone book for house sitters...I have asked our Vet, my groomer...everyone I can think of) The problem is, my dog cannot be boarded, someone needs to stay here.
    My friend (really my only friend IRL) has offered to stay. She has a family...two girls, 11 and 15 and a dh. She is diabled, but does well with everyday things and drives, she just gets extrememly tired and overwhelmed sometimes. I know she could do this...and would be the perfect person. She loves my dog and is familiar with everything around the house. I trust her completely. But.....her dh is not a nice person. Her treats her horribly. Berates her, calls her names, disrespects her, etc. I am so worried he will make her miserable if she agrees to stay here. I told her she can bring her girls over and they can all stay....that will probably make him angry too. He is a teacher and is home for the summer...he will think he is being *neglected*. She only lives a few miles from me and would basically be back and forth, but stay here at night. She has assured me she wants to do this....but I still worry. Dh has pointed out how much I have helped her in the past (still do) I help her keep up with her house work when she gets overwhelmed, have helped decorate her new house. I've helped her paint and reorganize and last week I spent a day going through her office with her till it was spotless and organized (think Mission Organization!) Last month we gave her an airline ticket so she could vist her grandma who was very ill (we had a free transferable ticket from dh's flyer miles) WHY do I feel so guilty asking her to do this???? We have insisted that she accept the 20.00 per day that we had planned on anyway, which she finally greed to.....
    Dh has been gone all week and all this has been on me...I am so tired and emotional right now. I have worked my tail off for two weeks. ALL the cleaning is done. The ironing is caught up, ALL the closets are cleaned! I moved our bedroom furniture and cleaned everything!(Amy should be so proud!) The yard is completely manicured....the only thing left is for dh to change out all the batteries in the smoke detectors. Both pets have a clean bill of health from the Vet. I've been back on WW and am back to my goal weight! (lost about 9 pounds over the last 2 months) I cannot begin to tell you how much we need this vacation....but yet, I am a basket case. What is wrong with me????......

  2. #2
    Registered User ravenmoonmother's Avatar
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    May 2006
    South yorkshire, England
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    Could it be that your friend wants to do this as a break from her husband?
    She coud be looking forward to some time by herself, i think you should trust your friend to know what she wants to do and go relax and enjoy yourself.
    It might aslo be that this is her way of repaying you for all your help, saying thank you.

  3. #3
    Registered User PrairieRose's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
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    Personally I understand why you're so stressed but you've got to let your friend help you out. You've done so much for her and this is absolutely something wonderful that she can do for you. Chances are if she doesn't do this her dh will still berate and abuse her for other reasons. Let her do it, go and have a wonderful time. You've worked hard, helped others, planned ahead and worked even harder. Go! Have a great time, let your friend do something really nice for you. When you get home, pay her and tell her how much it meant. But whatever you do don't worry the whole time you're gone. It will ruin your trip. You deserve the soak up the joy of the trip, every wonderful minute of it.

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  5. #4
    Member Darlene's Avatar
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    Oct 2002
    Upstate NY
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    Trust in your friend and enjoy your vacation.

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