how do you persuade a bride to pick
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  1. #1
    jas
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    Default how do you persuade a bride to pick

    one reception venue over another? Here is the problem, it is down to two reception venues, one is really nice with great decor and plenty of room. Less restriction on what you can do. One of the main ones is my ex-husband who is an exectutive chef wants to and will do the food as his gift. He can only do it at this location as it does not require you to be a caterer. He is a chef at a restaraunt, but does not have catering license. We can also bring in our own alcholol, another big savings.

    The other venue is, as crazy as this sounds, the local zoo. This venue is the brides favorite. Don't get me wrong the room is nice and the view is great too. They are very strict on what you can do and who can do it. Her aunt wanted to make the cake as a gift and the guy was iffy on that too. They can only serve beer and wine and champagne right now. They did get a license to sell other alcholol, but nothing is in package form as of yet so no price is available at the moment. The food would have to be catered at a cost of at least 2000.00, the drinks have to be bought from them.

    The bride wanted to have a candy bar as the favor for the guests and the guy was like no chocolate, everything has to be wrapped. We wanted to make wedding cake shaped cookies and don't know as of yet is that would be allowed.

    Here is another kicker about this venue. Starting the day of the wedding the zoo is open till 9pm and is free starting at 5pm. Parking will be a nightmare. He would not reserve parking for the wedding guests. Which would not be that hard cause the reception hall is at the very back of the parking. The guests could have to schlep it from a very very far distance in the Florida heat. What fun. The bathrooms are outside, I will say that they are under a covered pavillion though. I get that she likes the uniqueness of the location, but the negatives are pretty long, but she has tunnel vision about it.

    The one thing that was and still is important to my ds is that his dad does the food. And his dad is NOT gong to pitch in and pay for someone else to do the food. He can do it better and cheaper.

    There is a budget for this wedding and all the things that people have offered to do and pay for to make it nice and more cost effective this venue says no too.

    The other place is a much nicer place all around. Bigger, better looking, cheaper, great parking, inside bathrooms and more of them.

    Any thoughts?

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    Registered User 2ndGenGranola's Avatar
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    Put it into black and white listing pros and cons then figures paid and not paid.

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    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
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    If she wont listen to the reasons verbally, doesn't seem to be "getting it" can you produce her a list of the costs, side by side? Sort of a worst-case scenario of costs for the zoo place that is so restrictive. Maybe she will see it on paper, black & white, and then it will sink in?

    Another great thing about having family help, such as the catering, is that they get to be more of a part of the celebration than just showing up. If the family is wanting to help like that, which also brings costs down, seems a shame to shove that aside and choose a location that wont allow it.

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    the zoo sounds like a PIA

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    Its your sons wedding too, and he should have a say in it. Sounds like he needs to have the conversation with her, with the pros and cons and associated costs.

    If her family is involved, they should put in a plug for your preferred venue.

    With the money you save on food alone, she could rent a few exotic animals to greet people at the reception location.

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    Registered User Michelle's Avatar
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    Other than showing her the pros & cons (both $$ wise and other details) in black and white, there isn't much you can do as it is their wedding. She & your ds will have to have a heart to heart about what is most important to each of them. If having his father do the food is the one thing he wants, she may need to compromise and go with the non-zoo location.

    Who is paying for the wedding?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ml2620 View Post
    Its your sons wedding too, and he should have a say in it. Sounds like he needs to have the conversation with her, with the pros and cons and associated costs.

    If her family is involved, they should put in a plug for your preferred venue.

    With the money you save on food alone, she could rent a few exotic animals to greet people at the reception location.
    This is pretty much what I was going to say. Talk to your son and have him talk to her, if he agrees with you. I also like the idea of writing a list of the pros and cons. Maybe it will help her to see it all in writing.

    What is it that she likes so much about the zoo? Just the uniqueness? Maybe you guys can come up with something extra to make the other location seem more unique.

    Tough situation!

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    Is her family paying for the wedding? (Sorry if I missed this). If they are, speak to her mother and father about it. But if she refuses to consider, I don't think there is anything you can do.

    If you are paying for part of the wedding, you need to make clear the amount you are contributing, and that there will be no more - i.e., your ex will not be contributing the value of the food if he is not actually providing it.

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    I'm confused - regardless who's paying - shouldn't the details ultimately be up to the bride & groom therefore only for them to 'duke it out' if need be? I do like the idea of the pros & cons & costs laid out on paper for them to see in black and white.

    I know it is very generous for parents to help their children pay for their special day but if by helping to pay means 'my way or the highway b/c I'm paying' then really, who's wedding is it? (Not trying to put down parents input into their childrens wedding)

    And I do agree, the zoo is being a PITA however they have more assets to lose and more potential for things to go wrong. All it would take is one guest to not follow the rules. What if an animal gets fed something its not supposed to have and it ends up almost killing them. I'm sorry but I'd rather have hardcore rules out of necessity then willingly lose another extinct animal. The zoo is only trying to protect themselves, yet make a profit by trying to rent out that space/venue but even they know their limits and risks.

    If the bride is hardcore set on including the zoo into the wedding somehow - why not hold the farewell brunch at a restaurant near the zoo and then make a day of it for those that wish to participate?

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    Registered User Lady_V's Avatar
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    how do you get a bride to pick one reception venue over another?
    You don't.

    My wedding to my ex wasn't the wedding WE wanted... it was the circus that his parents demanded... end result... I didn't enjoy the reception... and I was far from a Bridezilla.

    Feel her out... If she really has her heart set on the zoo, because the unique background it would make for pictures, maybe they can get photos done before the wedding... either in wedding attire, or a post-engagement/pre-wedding session.

    If it's more than just the pictures, they want the zoo and that's that... you're just going to have to smile and let them do this.

    I feel for your son, it's a big thing to have his father cater the wedding. I can see how he would want that. Hopefully they can talk this through.

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    I agree that there isn't much you can do except showing her the list of pro's and cons of each sight.
    If hubby to-be & wife-to-be can't compromise now it may be an indicator of things to come. Hope they can find a way to work this out...together.




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    jas
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    Everyone is pitching in to help pay for the costs of the wedding. Yes ultimately the bride and groom should pick the location they want. Ds of course just wants the bride to be happy even if what he wants most is his dad to do the food. His dad will get over it way quicker than the bride.

    In the end what ever part I was going to put in I will no matter where the reception is. It would just go a lot further at one place than the other. Everyone who is helping with the cost is on a budget us, her mother, and grandparents and the bride and groom. Her grandmother was like just get a 100 happy meals and a keg and be done with it. Obvioulsy that is not gong to happen.

    If she just has to have the zoo as the venue and that is what she picks she will for sure have to pare down all these other things on her wish/want list for sure and she will be getting farther away from a lot of things she wanted or could have had.

    The reception will be fine either way. Ds is just like if she picks the zoo, then the zoo it is and she will have to deal with things she can't have because she won't be able to have it all.

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    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jas View Post
    The reception will be fine either way. Ds is just like if she picks the zoo, then the zoo it is and she will have to deal with things she can't have because she won't be able to have it all.
    I hope she sees the same light as you Venue or her wish list of 'things' - tough call for her to figure out which 'want' is either more beneficial to her. I think she'll need a few days to think about it after she sees it out in ink. *hugs*

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    Oh Jas the bride HAS already picked one venue over another. I fail to see why anyone would want a wedding at a stinky zoo but it's their choice.
    I personally would have jumped at the choice to have the other hall and free food but I'm not them. Hope it all turns out nice.

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    jas
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    This is her big thing about the zoo. It is not about the animals so much. Even though it does overlook where the giraffe are. NO gauranee they will be in view though.

    It has a lot of windows and looks out and lush green trees ect. Not all closed in like most venues are.

    This place has cement floors (they are stained nicely though) it has a more rustic look hence the name "The Lodge" it has a large coverd deck. Which would be the ceremony area. ds and most everyone else has voiced thier opinion on an out door wedding. This will be Florida in July. Even though it is covered it will be hot, hot, hot. We traditionally get afternoon rains that time of year so add a lot of steam too.

    This place is a lot smaller than the other venue which has a large portico area, a large area that could be set up for the bar and cocktail hour, larger hall area, separtate food serving area, more bathrooms (that are all inside). At the zoo it all has to fit into one smaller room and the outside deck area. Which will have to go from wedding area to some cocktail tables afterwards.

    She will in the end be the one that picks and everyone will have to be fine with it. Ds is afraid that if she picks the zoo in the end she will be unhappy with it, even if she loves it now. With all the parking problems, the ackward transition between wedding and reception. Where will people be when the chairs are being removed and coctail tables are put in place. Just standing out in the heat or do you let them in to the reception room right away. One of the things she wanted was the separate cocktail hour time while they are getting pics done. That would be difficult here. The fact that the food will be more and most likely just the cheapest the caterer has to offer and no mixed drinks. Seems like a lot to give up to look at some nice trees, but this is not my wedding. It would just be sad to start it all off with guests that have had to walk a long way because there is not any parking and have to be in the heat for a long time. There should be some consideration for the guests as most will have come from out of town to begin with. just my opinion.

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