Wishing Wells at Weddings.
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  1. #1
    Registered User Squidge's Avatar
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    Default Wishing Wells at Weddings.

    This is a spin-off from Ashley's "A Wishing well??" at a bridal shower thread.

    Since many couples now co-habit before they wed, I imagine quite a few have fully stocked houses with most of the household appliances and goods they need already in their possession prior to the wedding day.

    With that in mind, I'm wondering what the general opinion is on wishing wells - where guests give money instead of gifts - at weddings? Do you think there is an alternative to a wishing well that would avoid guests having to spend their hard earned cash on new toasters, kettles and utensils that the couple don't really need?

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    Registered User The Muse's Avatar
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    I thought that was the purpose of gift registries, so the couple can register for what they need/want.

    Wishing well or not, I don't really see a polite way to say "cash only, no gifts, please."

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    Registered User Jamielane's Avatar
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    The only wishing well at a wedding I have ever seen was intended for the "cards" . In other words .... cash. I have seen many of them and have never bought an actual gift for a wedding. I always put cash in a card. I give a gift if I am invited to the shower though. Wishing wells have been around here for as long as I can remember .

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    Registered User Squidge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Muse View Post
    I thought that was the purpose of gift registries, so the couple can register for what they need/want.

    Wishing well or not, I don't really see a polite way to say "cash only, no gifts, please."
    I understand what you're saying. I can't really put much of a subjective spin on this because my SO and I are not engaged or planning a wedding. I'm only basing this on weddings I've been to/been involved in.

    For the one couple I know who did have a wishing well, the point was there really wasn't much that they massively wanted or needed to put on a gift registry. They were both in their mid-thirties and both had been living together for some time. They would have rather received £5 than ask their guests to spend £20 on something that they had to put on a registry for etiquette reasons. Not saying I'm totally sold on the idea myself, but I understand their reasoning, too.

    Maybe, when it comes down to it, the alternative is not ask for gifts in that case?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jamielane View Post
    The only wishing well at a wedding I have ever seen was intended for the "cards" . In other words .... cash. I have seen many of them and have never bought an actual gift for a wedding. I always put cash in a card. I give a gift if I am invited to the shower though. Wishing wells have been around here for as long as I can remember .
    Wishing wells are pretty new here, as far as I can tell - that's why I'm so curious! I've only been to one that had it, at which my sister was maid of honour. People were very divided by it, I have to say - some loved it, some hated it and very little in between.

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    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
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    i have not seen wishing wells at weddings . there is a gift table usually the bride and groom after the dinner go from table to table to say hello to guests and you give them their cards with money if that is what you have chosen to give then . the bride sometimes carrys a small card bag that matches her gown .

    my main issue with weddings of late is that people seem to think you are supposed to gift them more then what they spent on you for the reception - i didnt choose the reception hall or the type of food and if its an open bar ( and dont drink ) so they should invite me because they want me to be there and not expect me to pay over and beyond what they wanted to have .

    i could care less if its filet mignon with a harp playing and champagne fountain or a backyard BBQ if i am your friend i am happy for you and will enjoy myself .

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    Registered User Squidge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Momto5RN View Post
    i have not seen wishing wells at weddings . there is a gift table usually the bride and groom after the dinner go from table to table to say hello to guests and you give them their cards with money if that is what you have chosen to give then . the bride sometimes carrys a small card bag that matches her gown .

    my main issue with weddings of late is that people seem to think you are supposed to gift them more then what they spent on you for the reception - i didnt choose the reception hall or the type of food and if its an open bar ( and dont drink ) so they should invite me because they want me to be there and not expect me to pay over and beyond what they wanted to have .

    i could care less if its filet mignon with a harp playing and champagne fountain or a backyard BBQ if i am your friend i am happy for you and will enjoy myself .


    Seriously?! I haven't heard of that. That's a pretty tall order to ask of a guest considering, like you say, they had no input in the choice of food or the reception venue . Well, I'm with you on that one; I'd imagine friends would care more about your presence than what gift you brought.

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    Moderator nuisance26's Avatar
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    ~My DH didn't live together before we got married. We needed everything.
    I was raised with the idea that it's rude to ask for what you need/want, so no registry for us. I was still showered with tons of useful stuff. One guest returned a duplicate knife set and bought us towels instead. Her idea, not mine. We still use those towels.
    We were gifted a lot of money and several large gifts at the wedding too. I wasn't even thinking about people bringing gifts or cards and we hadn't designated a place for them to go. So obviously no wishing well for us either.
    The weddings I've been to here that have wells are for cards. I think it's just a way to keep them from getting lost. I think it's polite to put in enough money in the card to cover the cost of us celebrating with them at their wedding(assuming they paid their own way). I'd rather give wrapped gifts at a shower.
    I wasn't invited to a shower last year(wasn't a friend of the bride)so we brought a gift to the wedding. I know it's more of a hassle that way in most cases but the wedding was in their backyard(they were living together already). So we gifted them a fancy memento box in a wedding theme for their wedding keepsakes and put 3 bottles of wine inside.
    There are just so many factors that go into what kind of gift is appropriate these days. Did they pay for the wedding themselves? Have they been living together and for how long? How close am I to them? Do I know their interests/preferences? Was I invited to the shower? Etc. ~

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    The wishing wells here are used to drop your cards in. Which is a good idea..so they won't get lost amongst the gift table.

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