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Appropriate wedding gift?

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gift wedding
7K views 64 replies 32 participants last post by  Sumacaroni 
#1 ·
Dh & I have been invited to the wedding of someone he worked with for about 6? months, but that man (we'll call him Fred) no longer works at Dh's company...hasn't since early this year (left on good terms).

Fred has invited everyone in Dh's department to his wedding next month. Dh checked with his co-workers and most of them *are* going. So, Dh wants to go, too.

This is probably lame, but I've only attended one wedding as an adult and that was a family member's. I have no idea what an appropriate amount is to spend on the gift for Fred and his future wife (I've met Fred once, at a company party I attended with Dh, and don't remember him...oops).

They're registered at JC Penney's and Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

We're still tight on money, even though Dh is getting a good salary (ah, the joy of giant student loans). I want to make sure this is appropriate (ie. not cheap), but to be honest...don't want to spend any more than is "necessary". I'll be surprised if we ever see them, again???? (Again, Dh wants to go because most of his department is going and it is a very participatory company he works at).

Can you say, "social obligation"? Ugh... We wanted to just get a gift card and call it good...
 
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#2 ·
Interesting. Could be a fun party if nothing else. Would DH check with other people for ideas? It's hard to know what is usual in different parts of the country. Looking forward to seeing what others suggest.
 
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#4 ·
Walmart sells a safe for $35 that is my standard wedding gift. EVERYONE needs a safe (it fits under a bed), no one else will think of it and it's relatively inexpensive.


PLUS- if it's someone you barely know and they DID invite you just for the gifts, it's pleasurable to imagine them hossing it around after the wedding :)
 
#6 ·
we I live when a whole department is invited to a wedding the whole department kicks in $2 to $10 approx and buys a group present.

Have him check with his co workers and see if this is something they would be interested. If not he can ask what they are doing.
 
#8 ·
I think a card with congratulations is fine for someone you don't socialize with and haven't seen in 6 months.

However if you do want to buy a gift, go look at their registry. That's what it's there for. If the items are beyond your budget, get a gift card to one of those stores that they can put toward items they like.
 
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#9 ·
I fall into that "how odd" group. I didn't invite anyone I even worked with the exception of one very close friend . I can't imagine inviting former co workers. I gotta say I love the safe idea. I had to chuckle thinking of them lugging it around in the their wedding finery. If you don't want to do that then a gft card to wherever they are registered would be it . You will probably never see them again.
 
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#10 ·
We did invite a few lesser known people tp our wedding to be polite. Ex: all the department at my job; wasn't close to everyone but didn't want anyone to feel left out. Some didn't come and i
I wasn't sad! I'm surprised a couple would invite someone to fill seats or for the gifts! The cost of the extra guests outweighed gifts we got!

Anyhow... 1st question: what type of wedding is this? Big and lavish, very formal, casual? Usually the invite is a good indication.

I would refrain from any decorative items. We got a hideous painting ... Would have prefered getting nothing rather than that.

Also, they might just want you to be there to enjoy the party

One of my collegues was really broke for our wedding, she got us a nice card. I didn't care, just wanted her there!

You could take a look at the register and see if something meets your budget? Or all your hubby's co-workers could chip in for a common gift?

A bottle of wine or champagne could be nice. Can seem fancy without a huge price tag.

Anyway you decide, I feel getting nothing is better than getting something tacky.

And remember to have fun!

Just my two cents. Hth
 
#11 ·
I'd check out their Bed Bath & Beyond registry and sign up for B B & B's email. They'll send you a 25% off coupon, and you may be able to get away with buying them something from their registry that would end up costing less than a gift card would cost.

HTH :)
 
#12 ·
Thanks, all! :)

It's to a big reception for their wedding...it's at a fairly fancy place in town (think country club).

And Dh knows the guy (they worked closely at his office - I just don't know him and neither of us know the wife-to-be; I agree, it does seem odd to invite that many from a previous job).

I had Dh ask about gifts and he pretty much got the "check the registry" vibe.

I'm just not sure what target price is appropriate? $50? Is $25 too little? Is $50 not enough?

And everyone pretty much knows everyone in Dh's business circle. So, though I doubt we do anything social with them again, Dh may end up doing some sort of business stuff down the line.
 
#13 ·
Well there you go - get them a safe and I think I shall add that to my standard wedding gifts!!
 
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#16 ·
I'd go with a registry item in the $30 to $40 range. Be sure if you go to BBB to use a coupon.
 
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#19 ·
FYI - the safes are located near the office supplies.
 
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#21 ·
I agree that being invited to a former co-workers wedding is a bit odd however maybe your husband's dept meant a lot to this guy and had a profound effect on him?

But please do not feel compelled to give for the sake of giving to keep up with the Jones'. Just b/c they've registered somewhere, I'd see that as a guideline. See if you can find something on their registry sold elsewhere and for less or find something similar? How about giving something 'from the heart' that you know a couple could use...what did you receive that you found useful and unconventional? As MC suggested - a safe. Traditionally if you're going the cash route, you're supposed to give enough to cover your share for the meal/booze. What about giving them a gc for a nice restaurant in town - not a chain nor high end & fancy but rather a unique, small, intimate type of place? KWIM? Give the gift of an experience vs clutter.

I too dislike being invited to a wedding just for the sake of being seen as a gift or cash giver. I've turned down invitations where I do not feel comfortable attending as in the type of situation you're in.
 
#23 ·
So, I'm thinking we'll end up getting a gift card. Dh doesn't want to haul a safe into a party...though, I do like the idea! :) But, I want to try to get the card off of eBay or something...see if I can pay less for it??? Has anyone tried this?
 
#25 ·
Just recently I saw on a tv show that many newlyweds would really appreciate cash. So go with the gift card.

Personally I hate obligatory weddings. And yes, one place I worked at the bride to be ended up inviting ANYONE in the department to attend her wedding. Yup, it was an open invitation, you know word of mouth - no formal invitation. Why? Because so many people cancelled to attend her wedding. I was glad I had a different wedding to attend that day. Barely knew her and personally disliked her. She only invited me when she found out what I gave someone else in the department who was getting married.
 
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