I'm invited to a shower for a couple I don't know

**Jerseygirl** · 04-09-2004, 08:18 PM

I received an invite last week for a bridal shower . It took at least 15 minutes to figure out who it was for. Turns out it is for the son of dh's stepmother-I don't refer to them as stepbrothers only because they barely know each other-both were already married when their parent married. This is his 2nd or 3rd marriage, her 1st, they have been living together for at least 5 years, I have met him once, never met her. The wedding is being held in Colorado (black tie no less) so we will not be attending, but her family is having a shower in NJ. Her registry is for glasses/china etc in the $65 range (I thought mine was pricey!), but I will send something to her home.
Am I crazy for not wanting to go? I'm working up the nerve to call MIL and find out if she is flying up for this, because otherwise there will not be a single person at this party that I have even met before. I figure an excuse of "I don't wan't them to feel they need to entertain me" should do, right??

**Sara Noel** · 04-09-2004, 09:17 PM

I use bad ham as an excuse. It works for me.

You're not crazy for not wanting to go.

**MJsLady** · 04-09-2004, 09:44 PM

I wouldn't go either. I figure invites like that are just gimme's. As in come so you can gimme a gift! There is no need for you to feel bad about not going, with the huge distance between your dh and his step brother only a card would be needed IMHO.

**Kimmomo3** · 04-09-2004, 09:52 PM

I agree with MJsLady. You can but don't feel like you need to give a gift at all.

**Missy** · 04-09-2004, 10:07 PM

ROFL bad ham. We have used bad beef as an excuse before.

I think I would send them a card, but i don't think you are one bit obligated to buy a gift. If MIL won't be there I don't think I would go either if there wouldn't be anyone else I know there. Although on the other hand, it might be a fun occassion to meet new people.

**Darlene** · 04-10-2004, 07:08 AM

I wouldn't go, wouldn't give a gift and wouldn't feel bad.

You don't even know them! Shame on whomever is in charge to ask virtual strangers to fill seats and a gift table.

Bad ham

**Daphne** · 04-10-2004, 07:41 AM

I think if you sent a card that would be enough.

**baronmom** · 04-10-2004, 10:00 AM

I would make up an excuse too not to have to go. I hate going places that I know no one. Send a card with your regrets to not being able to be there, and don't feel bad about not sending a gift. It would be a different story if you knew them well. Good luck in your decision.

**Michelle** · 04-10-2004, 10:26 AM

Originally posted by Darlene
I wouldn't go, wouldn't give a gift and wouldn't feel bad. You don't even know them! Shame on whomever is in charge to ask virtual strangers to fill seats and a gift table.

Bad ham

**guest2** · 04-10-2004, 01:03 PM

If I was feeling generous, I might send a card.

No gift though, no going to the party and no guilt!!!!

**dz_blonde_girl** · 04-10-2004, 01:54 PM

I was going to quote Darlene, but Michelle beat me to it, lol.

I think they're crazy for inviting you. The wedding would be one thing, but the shower?

**forestdale** · 04-10-2004, 04:36 PM

Okay, I'm taking a different spin on this. What if her family (you said her family is hosting the shower) is using this to get to know his side of the family? But I agree, it would be horrendous to attend. If you don't want to get to know her, just send a card and forget about it.

**i.m.cheap** · 04-10-2004, 08:17 PM

I always thought showers were for friends of the bride? If you have never met her, I would not feel obligated to attend. On the other hand, if you like to get out and meet new people, go. There is a lot to be said for networking! Speaking for myself, as a Tupperware consultant, I would go, take an inexpensive Tupperware gift, and make sure the future bride (and her guests) knew where to get more.

**CountryMom** · 04-10-2004, 08:26 PM

I wouldn't go or send a gift either. My stepsiblings and I are not close at all and it never occured to me to invite them to my wedding or shower. I wasn't invited to their weddings/showers either, so no hard feelings on either side. If you feel you must do something I would just send a card.

**Jerseygirl** · 04-12-2004, 07:59 PM

Spoke to SMIL (God help me) I appear to be going. SMIL is so excited, I will finally get to meet her mother and sister etc etc etc , I think I liked it better when his family treated me as a stranger, actually, I know I did. So off I go to buy gifts for another shower-hurrah hurrah hurrah

---Kellie