Dd is starting to plan an 'intimate' wedding.....

**PrairieRose** · 09-23-2007, 09:37 PM

I could use some ideas. Here is the dilemna. In our part of the country it's expected that if you have a shower, you have to invite everyone to the wedding that you invite to the shower or it's a huge faux pas (sp?). It's considered very poor taste to not invite someone to the wedding that you've invited to a shower. Umkay. Well dd and her intended are both very shy. They want a small wedding b/c they don't like to be the center of attention for any reason, they don't like crowds. Dd has said no shower.

Ok I can deal with that. BUT when I've mentioned to my friends that she said no shower they all were aghast. I'm not so concerned about my friends' here but dd and her bf's feelings but we also want to do "something" to introduce him to our friends and family without overwhelming them. I suggested a BBQ/barn dance a week or so after the wedding where they could meet and greet and then visit with or not whomever they please. They wouldn't feel so much 'on display' or so I thought. Dd wasn't averse to it so I'm thinking possibly.......If we have a little, family wedding I was hoping that we could all have a nice meal either before or after and then see them off.... . I think due to lack of vacation time from work that they'll have to put off a honeymoon for a few months but that's where they want to spend their money instead of on a blow out wedding. My question is, how do we make this special and memorable without making 'too much of a big deal' of it? Any suggestions would be most welcome. TIA.

**PaulaMM** · 09-23-2007, 10:10 PM

I think a nice BBQ sounds like just the thing. As shy as your DD and SIL-to-be seem to be, anything wedding related will probably make them uneasy. Make sure they know that it's a gathering of family and friends and NOT a shower so they don't feel obligated to stay from start to finish.

**Jaded** · 09-23-2007, 11:01 PM

I think the bbq sounds great. It's their day. Let them have what they want.

**thriftstorequeen** · 09-23-2007, 11:59 PM

Okay, here is the deal with me and my kids. My oldest son brought his bride to jersey to be married here. He was married in the same little church where he accepted the Lord and got baptized. Her family came here for the wedding. They had a reception at the firehall with her folks and us chipping in. It was very nice and cozy. Second son took his bride off to Hawaii and got married after starting to plan a wedding. First I was upset, then I began to think that this something between the two of them. Her folks gave them a reception and few months after they were married. We love our daughter-in-law and are very happy for the both of them! My daughter got married in a little church and had a dessert reception and the church. It was very nice! They baby of the family met someone out of state and married her in a civil cermony with just the two of them. We love her too and are very happy for them! We have one daughter left who is not married yet. Whatever she wants will be ok with us. We are all very close and want what is best for each of us. Something that always amazed me about having 5 kids, is the fact that each one is so different. I know you'll make many family memories as the years go by for you to cherish!

**inneedofhope** · 09-24-2007, 12:41 AM

I saw this at a wedding once, it's a cute idea. If you can get your hand on some pictures of them when they were little, then maybe some dating pictures, and of course a few shots from the wedding and make a scrap book or display for the guests to look at. If you add little info like how they met, etc, It can leave then off the hook from answering alot of questions.

**Darlene** · 09-24-2007, 11:19 AM

Wedding?! Congratulations!

We didn't want a big thing either when we married, preferring to spend our money buying a home. We were married and then had a nice dinner at my in laws with just family there. It was relaxing but still very special. Mom ordered a nice cake & food, drank champagne and we all just enjoyed being with each other. I had the ring, the man & the people closest to me to wish us well. What more could I want?

I have just met family & friends as the years have gone by and don't feel like I've missed out on anything or slighted anyone.

I think everyone should do what they want, not what other people think they should do. Whenever he meets friends of the family it will be "special".

Have yourself a big ole family & friends bbq next summer & invite one & all. Not just in honor of them but to celebrate all of you.

**ilovechocolate** · 09-24-2007, 08:04 PM

Do whatever the happy couple wants. It's their special time.

**momof42003** · 10-01-2007, 01:37 PM

I had a small wedding, and then after about a month and a half my brother, and sisters threw me and my new husband a nice potluck style reception at the Grange Hall... We invited his family and mine.. It was a nice way to announce that we married. This is when the families gave us our wedding presents and things like that.