I saw this in Dear Abby today, thought it was cute!
A Dieter's Prayer
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;
He maketh me to lie down on vinyl-covered gym mats.
He leadeth me to flavored calorie-free waters;
He restoreth my goals.
He diverteth me from the path of midnight snacking for my...
<i>'Twas the month after Christmas, when all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse!
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At holiday parties had gone to my waist.
I remember the marvelous meals all prepared:
The gravies and sauces, the beef "nicely rared."