jokethe

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon For a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small Knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up Her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course the...

There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would...

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband, he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"...

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this? The Cowboy says...

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped, his hands together at his crotch...

A man had just been married and came to work in a hurry the next day. He went up to a friend and said, "You must help me. My wife and I are both virgins and we don't know what to do!" The friend replied, "Where are you going for your honeymoon?" Man says, "To Disneyworld." Friend, "OK, I'll...

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang...

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk)...

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat down, opened the box and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." There was man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and, after the leprechaun drank his...

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day, and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can...

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only $20." "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks. "Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in...

The Art Of Love Making" > >The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end." > >The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all...

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm...

A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realize that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches. "Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man. "Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minute...

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out.... "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it." So......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around...

It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers and had told quite of few of them about his birthday. When he reached number 28, he was met by Mrs. Jones, the young attractive occupant. She asked him into the house and gave him an enormous...

Catholic Priest was about to leave His Mission in the jungles where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief...

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "Tsquare, do your stuff." Tsquare pranced over to a...

Jewish mother gets a phone call from her openly gay son: "Mom, I've met a wonderful girl.I'm going straight, and we're going to be married." Mom is overjoyed, can't believe her ears: "I suppose it's too much to ask if she's Jewish, already?" Son replies: "Mom, not only is she Jewish, she...

An elephant is walking through the jungle when he comes across a naked man in a clearing, drying himself off, having just exited a river. - The elephant slowly looks the man up and down and says, "How the hell do ya feed yourself with that?