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Discussion Starter #1
I am at my wits end. My son refuses to sleep in his own room unless my boyfriend is here in my room with me which he isn't here tonight.
My son won't talk about what his problem is or what he is afraid of. He just flips out when I tell him he needs to sleep in his own room. He says he is going to keep me up by sitting up yelling all night to pay me back for not letting him sleep on my floor. My floor is a hard terrazzo floor.

He gets verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He tells me how much he hates me and hates my house and wants to live with dad. He sleeps in his own room at his dad's house. I don't know what to do. He is breaking my heart. He threatens to hurt himself if he doesn't get his own way. I think it is wrong to give in but I need sleep and its obvious something is troubling him. He has always given me a hard time about sleeping in his own room. He is going to be 12 on April 11. He is getting close to a teen and he needs to learn to sleep in his own room and I need my sleep and privacy. What do I do?? I think we could really benefit from family counseling.
 

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hugs to you...
have things i want to say but don't think i have the right to offer up 'what i'd do'. so will keep you both in my prayers.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
No he only wants to sleep with me when bf is not here. I think he feels safer with a man in the house for some reason. He loves my bf. He is really good with the kids. I have tried to get him to open up about what is bothering him but he just gets verbally abusive and tells me he just hates my house. He likes his dad's trailer and the trailer I used to live in better. :(
 

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Does he grumble about having to sleep in his room when BF is there or does he go to bed willingly?

Has this always been an issue or maybe a new development stemming from a new stressor in his life?

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you find the answers you need soon :hugz:
 

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If you do not want to give in to sleeping in your room and you want sleep tonight, can you compromise and sleep in his room?
 

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Hmmm, that's a tough one. Is he afraid? Looking for attention? Feeling insecure? Lonely? I think that counseling might be a good route. It sounds like something you can get through, but you need him to open up about what is really going on.
 

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Did your son witness any violence between you and his dad. Has he heard you cry when your boyfriend isn't around. Something is triggering him to where he needs to protect you.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I think he is afraid of the dark. No violence between any of us. He goes right to bed when bf is here without problems. He has the dog sleep in his room in the kennel. His dad came over last night for a couple hours and finally after us talking to him he got tired and went to bed. I think he feels scared at night but safer with a man in the house. He used to share a room with his sister and slept fine then. My room was a little closer at the time. My room is right across from his and he still doesn't want to sleep in his own room if I leave my door open. He slept fine last night and said he loves how soft his bed is with the new padding on it. Hoepfully he will start to feel better about sleeping by himself. He has always been scared and I was just hoping he would grow out of it. Thank you for the support and prayers.
 

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Did your son witness any violence between you and his dad. Has he heard you cry when your boyfriend isn't around. Something is triggering him to where he needs to protect you.
I was thinking along the lines of protection as well - seems like he's under the impression that you'll be safer with a male in the room so you're not alone, regardless of where he sleeps. (floor vs bed)

But thinking about Nana's comment - could he have possibly seen things on TV which had mature themes for him? I know the parent generally gets to gauge and control what the child watches but could whatever you're letting him watch be a bit more advance then he's ready for? What about programs/shows/commercials hes watching when he's not with you?
 

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Have you thought about changing rooms? If he's afraid to sleep alone in his room (but sleeps alone at the other house) is he able to sleep alone in your room?

Try it out for a few days when the bf isn't there. Just change beds for a few nights, then if that seems to do the trick, change rooms.

Diva was PETRIFIED of the smaller bedroom. She would not sleep alone in there, period. We changed rooms, and she still won't really step foot in the smaller room without someone in there... and it's been 5 years.
 

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I think the bigger issue here is that he's pitting you and his dad against each other. He's getting his way by making you feel guilty about your living arrangements and not having a man continuously in the house. I think you've gotta step up and tell him that such behavior is not ok. Let him throw a tantrum. At 12, he should respect you and understand basic authority patterns in your house. He's found a way to put himself in charge in your house.

Family counseling might be a good idea too for both of you, but I do think you should regain your authority here. Good luck!
 

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At this age boys need a firm hand and some insight to the anger they can have especially in a divorce situation. Find a good adolescent counselor for him. Pronto! Does his dad tell him that he needs to respect you and do as you ask? That's one place to start.
 

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My son is 10 and doesn't want to sleep alone. Wants his dad - it's a protection thing. I've told DH we need to get him a big dog to make him feel more secure. We screen tv programs, but I honestly think it's news stories that he's heard that have made him so scared. Could this be your son's issue also? There's so many bad things that happen in the world it can be terrifying to a kid. I constantly yap at him to NOT watch the news, but I catch him sometimes and change his channel.
 

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what are your thoughts on spirits
dh denies such a thing exists i have a more open mind re spirits guardian angels and the fact some are more sensative to such things .Probably because i was brought up that no such thing existed and when it did it was evil/ devil etc and have had experiences to say that wasnt correct .

there is so much of our brain that isnt used and i think some are more sensative to such things .

also whats outside his bedroom- is there a window is there a street that would have frequent travels that would flash intermittant lights - an old tree - that might scrape a window - power lines that might buzz or even give him an anxious feeling ---

the fact he wont tell you is either he gets an uneasy feeling he cant explain or he doesnt want to tell you for fear you will think he is crazy or dismiss it ,

i know after pricess diana was killed a friends 7 yo son didnt want to go to school or leave her at all etc and it took her a good month to find out why -

are your bedrooms on the same floor ??

my 11 yos bedroom is a shared one that is upstairs - if his older brother he shares with is at a sleepover - and we dont know when the 23 yo in the next room will be home he sometimes sleeps in the family room which is closer to our room .

right now the 17 yo is at a sleep away retreat- the 24 yo is out somewhere with friends celebrating St Pattys day - so the 11 yo is lying down with me - when dh comes to bed he will either go to his room or lie on the couch in family room ( or since 14 yo is at a sleep over he may crash in her bed across the hall)
 

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When Ds was that age he covered all the window w/ blankets so no one could see in. He was on the second floor and no one could. At the time Dh was at the hospital w/ a serious accident. Our life was upside down and this was how he coped. He also had a kitchen knife in his room and a baseball bat that i didn't know about. They will not tell you whats bothering them at this age. Your BF may be able to get it out of him if their relationship is good enough.
It may be a tree,an alien movie or any number of things. I seriously doubt he is being manipulative. And I don't think he is trying to intervene between you Bf and you. I think he is scared. His male ego prob. won't let him say. Dad should talk to him about it in a non chalant way. Hey,mom mentioned blah,blah. So whats up w/ that? or something to that afftect.???
 

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what are your thoughts on spirits
dh denies such a thing exists i have a more open mind re spirits guardian angels and the fact some are more sensative to such things .Probably because i was brought up that no such thing existed and when it did it was evil/ devil etc and have had experiences to say that wasnt correct .

there is so much of our brain that isnt used and i think some are more sensative to such things .

also whats outside his bedroom- is there a window is there a street that would have frequent travels that would flash intermittant lights - an old tree - that might scrape a window - power lines that might buzz or even give him an anxious feeling ---

the fact he wont tell you is either he gets an uneasy feeling he cant explain or he doesnt want to tell you for fear you will think he is crazy or dismiss it ,

i know after pricess diana was killed a friends 7 yo son didnt want to go to school or leave her at all etc and it took her a good month to find out why -

are your bedrooms on the same floor ??

my 11 yos bedroom is a shared one that is upstairs - if his older brother he shares with is at a sleepover - and we dont know when the 23 yo in the next room will be home he sometimes sleeps in the family room which is closer to our room .

right now the 17 yo is at a sleep away retreat- the 24 yo is out somewhere with friends celebrating St Pattys day - so the 11 yo is lying down with me - when dh comes to bed he will either go to his room or lie on the couch in family room ( or since 14 yo is at a sleep over he may crash in her bed across the hall)
I was wondering this also. I know it sounds out there, but some of us are able to see things that others don't and it could make him act out in this way if he is seeing things.

I also wonder about what another poster said about him wanting to protect you, since he is okay while your bf is there.

I know what you mean about the verbal abuse. I have found, in my situation, that it is better just to ignore it and when I don't fuel the fire, the verbal abuse stops. I think when they are this age they are trying to figure out their boundaries and sometimes you have to pick your battles.

If you feel you need counseling it wouldn't hurt a thing. :hugs: to you as you figure this out.
 

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My 9 year old likes to fall asleep in my bed. We can't do that during the week because of it being a school night. But if he goes to sleep in his bed without any fuss he gets to sleep in my bed on the weekends. My dh or I "walk" him back to his bed when we are ready to go to sleep.

My 16 yr old is nervous in his room too. He either leaves the tv on or sleeps on the living room couch.

I think our entire house needs a blessing. We've had tremendous negativity this year.
 

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My 9 year old likes to fall asleep in my bed. We can't do that during the week because of it being a school night. But if he goes to sleep in his bed without any fuss he gets to sleep in my bed on the weekends. My dh or I "walk" him back to his bed when we are ready to go to sleep.

My 16 yr old is nervous in his room too. He either leaves the tv on or sleeps on the living room couch.

I think our entire house needs a blessing. We've had tremendous negativity this year.

Also, (I'm a softie), they are only young once - I don't think they will want to sleep with us when they are 18 (lol).
 

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My DS told me that DH can protect him & I can't. Maybe that's why your DS is ok if your BF is at the house he feels safe.
I told DS that I'm 1 tough cookie and if anyone were to try & hurt him he'd see this momma bear in action. He laughed, but isn't buying it.
 
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