.
I almost didn't go in a fit of social phobia. Plus my own cat was snuggled up to me and it was oh so cozy.
First impressions-disappointment. I am not allowed to talk tp any potential adoptees or give my opinion good or bad on a cat. Over 1/2 of the place is off limits and you have to earn your way up to dogs. I even had to sign a code of conduct and confidentiality agreement which gives me the heebee jeebies a bit.
The cats in 1 area are all scheduled to go out for 1/2 an hr and cant be together.
To the point theres a chart. I thought it would be a way to socialize but they separate you and discouraged me from staying w/ the cats. I am already worry I am not a submissive enough person for this. Time will tell.
I get the social phobia, that can be so tough. I'm sad your day did not sound good at all. How do they even keep volunteers with so many rules and nonsense? She I get better I planned to volunteer at the shelter where I got Bernice. But I am seriously allergic to cats, so if they don't let you go to dogs from the get go, I wouldn't be able to work there. My goal is to do that fostering of a dying dog so they are not alone in a cage at the shelter, dog hospice, perfect, because regular fostering, I would quickly have 10 dogs, lol. But no one does hospice here so I'd have to research it and sell them on it and probably train at the shelter. After your day, this does not seem very promising.
The IQ test started great, the verbal portion, I can be coherent in email, it will be long but the point is in there. Speaking, it's all right there in my head, it doesn't come out the way it should. Then we did math, tangrams (my fav toy as a kid, not so hot today, I kept running out the clock without finishing), history- all very bad. Geography, I just kept saying Asia when I didn't know, a lot of historical things happened in Asia and somehow they got the Sahara Desert moved there, OMG. Gandhi- I had a good ten sentences about Gandhi, just not the answer he needed which was in my head, INDIA, out popped Asia. India is in Asia, I better have gotten credit on that one. Then I started to cry and he mercifully let me go and I go back next week. I am so embarrassed. Like I could not do this: if you have six cans of soda that cost $5, how much would 30 cans cost? Who beyond 2nd grade cannot do this? I can't and I want to know why and I need it to slow down and get fixed.
Went to shrink, made me feel better, he was shocked I got that junk long term disability and told me not to worry about SSDI, if declined, I appear in a hearing and he is sure they will accept me.
Come home, drained, fell twice, went straight to bed, my father hands me mail, SSDI denied. Intellectually, I know they deny almost everyone the first go round. But they explained why, it was based on very old information, like last year, they had the info from my old cardio who could not diagnose the POTs, so they didn't even list that as a problem. They had nothing from my shrink, very little from my primary. But every time I go to a doctor, they fax an update to my lawyer (my team has been so good about the tons of paperwork they've had to do) and my lawyer sends it to SSDI. My lawyer says she paper bombs them because I am deteriorating and they should know that. So why were they using old and wrong info? They said I had a seizure but said nothing about the big ball of blood vessels sitting right where cognition occurs. Nothing said about memory, concentration, comprehension or confusion, all things my lawyer said are important because those things can keep you from following instructions to do a job. They were told in the last note that I am back on bedrest with feet above my heart, with exception for MD appts and short times out with DD. They said I am totally independent with personal care, embarrassingly, I am not. Nothing about the falls, the assistive devices, constant dizziness unless flat. There;s more, there's always freaking more. Oh like it's always January and always Friday, and we no longer discuss the concept of am and pm, because my dad says, "I love you both, I can take care of you both. But if I hear it is Friday in January at 3am because you think we are due at the doctor's, I'm done and I have duct tape and I will be using it!"
So they said I can do a seated 8hr job with complexity (like a desk nursing job), I can stand for 1 hr and bend and file, and a bunch of other stuff I have not been able to do in months. Carry 10 lbs for medium distances. With a walker? The heaviest thing I lift are my legs to walk and that's no picnic lately. Carry something and walk? I can do that with papers tucked under my arm but not 10 lbs of paper. Sure, I can sit in a chair for about 30 mins, then I am so dizzy, I start to tilt and if I am alone, I land on the floor. Bend? I cannot bend, I have fallen into countless laundry baskets bending to get clothes, I have bent to fill the dishwasher and landed in it (thank God, I didn't break it).
I'm really sorry I keep going on, just a crappy mess and honestly, I'm starting to get scared. I would give anything at all, to not be confused and have no memory, all that cognitive stuff. I can take anything physical thrown at me. I cannot take being a moron. I don't know how having no BP for a while turns into all these diagnoses and meds and tests, I never dreamed I would not be going back to work for real when the docs told me to apply for SSDI over 9 months ago, I thought they were nuts. Turns out, I'm the nut, lol. Give me my brain back and I will work with physical disabilities for 20 more years, and never complain
