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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all,
I had a day today I would never wish on anyone. It is a day filled with guilt, sadness and relief.
Today, I put my father in a nursing home. It was a very difficult decision to come to and act upon. He is 86 (I was adopted when mom and dad were 47) and suffers from severe dymentia. Hubby suffers from chronic and sometimes severe back pain due to an accident 4 years ago. It has become increasingly difficult for Rick to care for dad (who lived with us for the past 6 years). Rick needs more surgery. Dad could not be left home alone and of course, I work full-time and go to school part-time. On top of that, I'm awaiting word for when I will be deploying to the Middle East for who knows how long.
I feel relief, perhaps selfishly, that we have regained some of our life back. I feel relief that dad is being taken care of in a very nice home and he has people his age to talk to and do things with. I feel relief knowing that when I'm gone, Rick and the kids can survive without the extra responsibility of dad. I feel guilty because I said I would never do this :( I feel sad because I'm projecting how I would feel and know he will miss us and the doggies. Of course it's not like we won't be visiting...that will be a weekly occurance...doggies included.
I'll tell you, this is hard!
Thank-you for being here to listen...sometimes it's so much easier to talk to other women about emotional things than it is men!
Hugs,
Sheila
 

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You can always bring him home when you are there- nursing homes aren't places where you can never get out. :)

I won't promise my parents/husband/in-laws that I won't EVER put them in a nursing home. I tell them I will do everything I can, but sometimes there isn't a choice.

Hugs to you and your family today.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
You all are truly the best! Thank-you so much. I appreciate your support and encouragement more than you know.

Sheila
 

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Heather Bob
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:hugz: It sure must be a difficult decision but know you made the right one!! Your father is very lucky to have a daughter like you!! Hope your day is getting better!:smball:
 

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Sheila, you did what was best for everyone. That is not always the most popular position to be in....... Hang tough, he will be fine! When you promised him, you couldn't have known the way things would change for everyone !!!!!!!!!! {{{{HUGS}}}}
 

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Oh Shiela, you did what was best. I remember when my dad was dying and I was in an incredibly hard situation because he wanted to die at home and I promised not to "put him somewhere", but he ended up not being able to go home. I put it all to rest because I know in my heart that i lvoed him and did the best I was able to do. Go easy on yourself, you are one person under lots of stress.
 

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(((hugs))) :angel:
 

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Master Dollar Stretcher aka DixieBob
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{{{hugs}}} Placing a parent in a nursing home is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. I had to place my mom in a nursing home last April. My prayers are with you and your family.
 

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(((HUGS))) Sheila...:( It must have been very hard for you...but don't feel guilty, ok? :hugz: You did the best you could do for your dad. Big hugs.:)
 

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sunshine said:
You can always bring him home when you are there- nursing homes aren't places where you can never get out. :)

I won't promise my parents/husband/in-laws that I won't EVER put them in a nursing home. I tell them I will do everything I can, but sometimes there isn't a choice.

Hugs to you and your family today.
I agree Sunshine. :) I used to work in a nursing home and residents were coming & going all the time. Day trips here & there, everywhere. Many have a more active social life after coming to the nursing home. If he can't leave know that he will be with people who have common interests and also be with those who care about him too.
Life sure is full of changes and nothing is carved in stone. All we can do is love and care the best we can. Big hug to you & yours Shiela.:heartsm:
 

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calico said:
:hugz: It sure must be a difficult decision but know you made the right one!! Your father is very lucky to have a daughter like you!! Hope your day is getting better!:smball:
I agree. I know it was difficult but I am sure it was probably the best for your family. Especially since you are awaiting being deployed at any time. Hang in there.

HUGS!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
It's been weird this morning. I definately feel dad's presence missing. Felt it last night too as some of the routines of life are no longer part of my life. I find my thoughts quickly wandering to how he is doing this morning, adjusting to his new life. Hubby will be seeing him today, so, at least I will have an update. I'll be going to see him again on Monday. Sigh. :(
Sheila
 

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Sheila, I too am sorry about your dad. I don't post here very often, but I do a lot of reading (and I gain A LOT of insight and information!!). Many years ago my dad's mother had to be placed in a nursing home (Alzheimer's) and it was very hard to deal with, as we knew the woman she had been compared to what she had become because of the Alzheimer's. Just from doing a lot of reading on these forums, I know you will receive some much needed support.

((((((((hugs & prayers))))))))

Julie (Sile -- "Sheila"-- in Irish!!)
:cat:
 

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:hugz: and prayers to you and your family..I know that was a difficult decision you had to make
 

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(((HUGS))) to you and your family. You are truely doing what is best for everyone, including your Dad. You've done the most loving and kind thing you can for everyone involved. Praying for you to have a peace about all of this.
 

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Shelia, First I send you prayers for you & your family. I know you had a tough decision to make. My dh's step mother owns a business that does in-home care for the elderly. If you find it is just too much to deal with perhaps you could look into something like that. I will see if she knows anyone in NJ and let you know.
 

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Sheila, I'm sure you and your dh made the right decision. My mom and dad were paramedics when my grandmother (who was in the middle stages of Alzheimer's - still able to feed/dress, but not much more) moved in with them. They took excellent care of her and one morning they thought she was still asleep. They received a phone call from a neighbor down the street that she was standing on the edge of the US highway a half mile from their home!!!! Of course the doors were locked and they kept her shoes in their room - she wouldn't go outside barefooted - but she found my dad's clodhoppers (4 sizes too big) and went out on her adventure.

The next day, my mom was calling to find a place with gates and fences. It was a tough decision, but a funeral would have been worse.

Just know that the facililty has trained people who will give him the best care. A word of advice from my mom: VISIT as often as you can and make friends of the staff. My mom would make hm candy or a pound cake every couple of weeks and would try to visit 3 - 4X a week, since it was 30 miles away.

My thoughts will be with be with your entire family. Thank you for all you do in defending our country.
 

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FV Buddy aka Kellie Bob
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Sweetie you know you did what was best for your entire family, just keep loving him and watching over him as you always have and there is no reason to feel guilty. Take care.
 
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