[Julzyann7]

Most of our money issues come from my husband's drug addiction to pain pills. It feels freeing to say that. We have been battling it for 3 years out of our 5 year marriage. I am only sane and hopeful thanks to the Lord! We have lost I don't even know how much money - a nice house, nice vehicles, pretty much everything we own, filed bancruptcy, and then he relapsed while I thought we were trying to crawl out of debt. I have days where I want to cry, days where I am mad about everything we have lost, but in the end I'd give it all again 100x to have my husband back. And for my kids to have their father. Just taking everything a day at a time. Now I have 100% control of all money so at least I know we will have a roof over our head and food. He is currently clean, and I believe God has freed him finally. He has given it to God and is buried in his Word instead of his habit. I am hopeful but still have days (like today) when it's SO hard.

Anyone else struggling financially because of a spouse's addiction?

 

[SueBee49]

I've never experienced that Julzyann, but in the line of work I've been in for the last 10-12 years, I've seen so many people become addicted to prescribed medications. I sincerely hope he remains free of his addiction and receives the ongoing support and assistance he needs. He has a tough road ahead of him but he can do it. The one thing I will say, and I'm sure you've both heard it repeatedly...he can never take any type of pain medication, valium...that type of thing...without serious risk of relapse. That becomes the catch-22 for so many people - they really have pain, but can't take anything for it. That is when things like yoga, meditation, and acupuncture can be helpful. I wish the best for both of you.

 

[Rosebudget1]

I have no experience but just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this.
Stay Strong! HUGS

 

[starsapphire]

Nar-Anon Home

If you can't find meetings near you, try Alanon

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

You'll get alot of support from others who are in the same boat as you.

 

[Julzyann7]

We have actually joined a group at our church. They have a class for him, and a "cope" class for anyone who is going through it with a spouse, child, grandchild, etc. We have been going for about a month and it is AMAZING!

Part of what makes me want to scream is that all of my efforts since filing bankruptcy have been null in light of his addiction. At least having control of 100% of the money now will help with that and also take the temptation.

I believe God has delivered him from his addiction, he just has to stay strong in his faith!

I think what is really hard is feeling like I'm throwing our financial situation out there and wanting to scream, "BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT!"

I can't do that in real life, so I'll just do it here because it makes me feel better that somebody knows!

 

[frugalwarrior2]

Careful ultimate control from one person leads to rebellion of the other. Glad you joined the church.
My Dh grew up abused and he has what I call an addction for praise from others. It led him to let his company use his credit card to the tune of 30,000 of OUR money. For him to be a complete tool of his alcoholic mother and several other things. He will agree to do something for the family and wander off later leaving us high and dry. Over the years he has learned but I have paid.
I know it isn't the usual "addiction" per say but try living in it. Trust is hard.
The lastest thing is him agreeing to buy a Saturn and then later telling us he hates the car. That he only agreed because we wanted it and now he doean't fit into it comfortably and he's resentful. I used to take the hits but now I so sad too bad I asked 3x him.
Anyway my point is to support your struggle by saying I understand. The strangest things mess w/ people and make it so tough on everyone around them. Prayers he continues to win his struggle.

 

[Julzyann7]

I can imagine how hard that would be frugalwarrior!

We have struggled with the control thing for the past 3 years - him feeling like I want control of the money because I want to control him. I think he is finally grasping the only reason I want 100% control of the money (as in physical control not the actual decisions) is to make sure he can't get money out to use on that. There's no temptation for him, and no doubt for me. We have sat down together to work out budgets, ask each other about any purchases, track spending together, etc.
I've worked hard to get through to him that I just want to see our bills paid. And now that he is looking at it without the fog, he seems to recognize it!

One that has come of late is a separation between OUR family (he, I, the kids) and the extended family (our parents, siblings, etc.) - which has really helped a lot. He puts US before them, as do I - and we look out for our agenda, schedule, priorities first. Was NOT the case even a year ago. (His mother being one of the biggest problems, my mother being a bit of a problem, his brother a HUGE thorn!)

 

[brenda67]

I'm very happy to see that he is getting help...I know exactly where your coming from..My beautiful mom had alot of issues from the time she was 4yrs
( when her mom tried to kill her with a knife )and from there on her life never did have complete happiness..My mom started taking pain killers when
I was around 12yrs old..she was fooling around in our pool with my cousin and he pushed her and she fell just right and broke her neck...from there on her life was consumed with how many pain killers she could get her hands on..she would steal from us kids..she would forge the amount of pills she was suppose to get on the prescription..(back then it was a hand written prescription) she was consuming a 100 Tylenol w/codeine a week ..normally more because she would tell the Dr that I took them or she dropped them down the sink or she would go to the ER so her regular Dr wouldn't find out thst she had even gotten more pill's..I had a warrant out for my arrest because she stole one of my check's to pay the pharmacy for another prescribtion..When i told the police that my mom forged my name I was told I needed to press charges against her to clear my name..I just cried and told them I couldn't do that to my own mother..I could go on & on I really should of wriiten a book..My mom lost everything she had in her life including her own children..on August 8,2004 my Mom was found dead at the age of 54yrs old..the autopsy showed she died of a methodone overdose..I heard that it was a cousin that had sold them to her as she wasn't prescribed them..I feel for anyone who has a addiction to drug's..the person with the addiction never realizes that they are not only hurting themselves but they are hurting the people that also loves them the most...



Hugs..

 

[peanut]

No addictions here, but my son-in-law had a pile of them, still does to a certain extent. He's just swapped unsafe addictions for slightly safer ones. No more drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, but yes to role playing games and Internet games. In the scheme of things, I am viewing that as a positive switch. Lately DD tells me he's become interested in healthy eating and exercise, so maybe those will be his next addiction. One can hope. He could stand to lose about 50 lbs. He's also becoming addicted to frugal living, courtesy of Dave Ramsey. Which is nice.

I hope and pray that your DH can truly stay over his addiction. Maybe he can swap it out for a safer addiction? Depending on the kind of pain he has, he might consider other solutions. I had severe back pain for a couple of years and all the doctors would recommend heavy duty pain killers and expensive physiotherapy.

Finally my contractor suggested a back machine from Europe for $200. The upcoming physio was going to cost $400. DH agreed I could try the machine. I did. It worked. No more pain killers or physiotherapy.

So keep your eyes open and do research for options to deal with his pain. Your DH may suffer from a lack of imagination in that area. A little encouragement may be just what he needs.

 

[frugalwarrior2]

Brenda thanks for telling that story. I am sorry you had to go thru that.

 

[valerian]

Our son was a teenager when he became addicted to Xanax not prescribed to him. His best friend had/has a prescription for it. Anyway, my son almost died and almost destroyed our family. He went to rehab and broke that addiction really on his own...not too sure rehab did anything except cost us a bundle! He also abused otc cold meds like Coricin. Now it seems he's swapped those addictions for alcohol although it's not something he does daily...oh and marijuana. We've used Ala-Non to cope which has helped a lot. It changes the way you feel about the person who really has no control over their addiction. Once they started it, they lost control and can't just stop easily despite us wanting them too. You can rant all you want and all it does is make them angry and unhappy and depressed and they'll go out and do more. I had a lot of rage at my son for doing it 'cause I still see it as a weakness. When he starts his out-of-control behaviors, I've learned to address him calmly and even to walk away from him. That's not my normal personality to do that, but I do it to help myself and him 'cause yelling back and forth at each other accomplishes nothing! Usually when I address him calmly, he deflates very quickly and apologizes and realizes that he's been irrational. It takes a lot of work for all parties and is still ongoing here.

 

[Sophiasmama]

Just wanted to wish you all the best.

 

[oheoh's momma]

hubs has mental illness issues and drug issues in the past...yelling screaming does not work..like Val it is not my nature.. I want to jerk it by the proverbial balls and just stop it..it has nothing to do with u it is not a weakness on either part it is an illness..
grandma is also an addict so I live with this daily..
good luck to u and prayers for u..but don't turn a blind eye....