[Huskies7]

A little background info... I have been a stay at home mom for 4 years. Before having kids I was making $25-30 an hour full time. I was in that career for 6 years in several states. We were in Texas at that time and programs were much different from what I was used to. I had so much confidence in myself and my work abilities before we went to Texas but ended up quitting on bad terms and feeling so low about myself. A lot of negative events ocurred at this time and I felt like a failure in so many ways - in my career, as a new mom, financially, as a wife, etc. Over these past four years, I have struggled with my identity and self worth. In four years, I have had 3 children, had 2 miscarriages, moved 8 times in 3 states, quit my career, filed bankruptcy, had a house foreclosed on, car repossessed, rehomed our 6 dogs, had 2 emergency surgeries, found out I had a blood clotting disorder, and I am pregnant again. I take full responsibility for everything that has happened but I've let it wear me down. I don't feel like I make a good stay at home mom. I had such high hopes for myself years ago but now I don't know what I should be doing with my life.

We recently moved to a new state 2 weeks ago. We are taking care of a friend's house while he is on deployment. Our rent is so cheap and we will be able to start paying off our debt ($80,000). Right now we have around $12,000 in savings we saved for the move. We don't have jobs and are living off of our savings. My husband has applied for 3 different government positions but they take awhile (FBI, military officer, and a government contractor position). He is also going to finish up his flight training which will take a couple months. Then he will be a flight instructor until he gets one of those positions. We will be in a much better place financially once that happens. In the meantime, we planned for me to work part time. I want to bring in income so that we can start paying off our debt with our savings and extra income. However, I am so reluctant to get a job. There are so many opportunities for me to make the same income with the career I had before but I am afraid of it ending up bad again. I could also start a new career but not sure what to do. I am also a bit resentful towards my husband that I should work when I am 4 months pregnant. With my son, I chose to work all the way up til the day before I gave birth. Now my mind has changed because I feel an obligation to stay home with the kids. I really want to get out of debt and know I should work. At the same time, I don't know what my role is and I'm afraid of failing again at what I do. I've looked at jobs but haven't applied. My husband keeps asking me what my plan is and I just get defensive and say I don't know. What can I do/tell myself to overcome feeling like such a failure and start working?

 

[frugalwarrior2]

I personally wonder IF you should work w/ a clotting disorder while pregnant. Are you on thinners? Are you cleared for work?
Could you get disability while pregnant?
The added stress may cause a miscarriage again. By the way,I have a clotting disorder and lost 3 or 5 of my preg. to it so I want to offer condolences. Dh needs a little education. Many men dont understand pregnancy w/ other kids IS work and then adding a condition well...

 

[ml2620]

First off, when something at work ends badly like that, it's generally not your fault - and is almost entirely managements fault for not handling it gracefully. Please release yourself from that shame and chock it up to some bad/inexperienced management.

I agree with the others about working, I can't imagine with the current pool of workers clamoring for a job that a pregnant woman with a clotting disorder is going to be the one they pick. I'd focus on something like an etsy website or ebay business that you can work on while you can.

 

[mateosbaby]

I also worry about you going to work with all that going on. I have never experienced those things, but I know people who have, and I wonder if you would even be cleared for work of much kind.

And as a fellow SAHM I encourage you to stay right where you are! Your children are only young for so long, and they need you right where you are. You have been the stability they have needed through everything. Keep being their stability. Also, I homeschool on top of being a SAHM - and I am far from organized, far from being the "perfect" mom or wife, and far from having everything where I think it should be! Everyone brings something different to the table - what they are good at and what they're not so good at. I had to learn from scratch how to get organized (still am not...), how to cook (only partially good at this, plus I don't really enjoy it), how to clean a house (and it's rare I actually have time to do it), how to take care of a baby (I babysat middle-elementary aged kids, never newborns), how to raise children (ugh, they are driving me crazy with their disobedience and messes lately), how to raise my children in our faith (I'm still learning myself - came to faith in '98, and I still feel like I am far from where I "should" be - so how in the world do I teach my children?), how to do finances (was never taught this at all, and we are now on BS3, but we have slacked off a ton - shame on us), etc, etc, etc. In other words, nobody's perfect, and if you really got to know people who you admire, you would find that they think they don't have it all together, either, and are admiring YOU! True story there.... Really, true story! A friend of mine who I thought had it all together - yeah, she's just like me, and she'd been admiring ME! Getting to the point where you realize you're not where you want to be is when you can finally make a plan to get where you want to be, 1 baby step at a time. Being on this forum will be a great help and start to getting your finances back where you want them to be.

I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[Ayanka]

First of all a big hug. I think it is very good you have the courage to talk about it and it must have taken strength to go through the whole lot. So please don't blame yourself it has no use and in my opinion it is not necessary. Would you (not financially seen) like to go back to your old employment field after the life changes (children) you have been through? Or if you would prefer something new, what would be the way towards it? (And no it is not impossible, most things are, at least partly if we want to work hard enough for them). Having a conversation with your love might be a good idea though, maybe he is just feeling anxious himself, and therefore reacting this way.