[Viv]

Kent State in Ohio is doing a study on the almost "silent army" of grandparents raising their grandkids...for whatever reason that may be, this group is hoping to make society aware, to be able influence some legislation, and to be able to make a big difference in how support is made available...not necessarily just monetary support, but things like health coverage, respite, etc.

If you would like some info, contact the following.

Stress, Coping, and Well-Being of Custodial Grandparents Project
1 RO1 MH 66851-01
School of Family and Consumer Studies
111E Nixson Hall
Kent State University
Kent, OH 44242
Phone: Toll-Free (888) 251-1003
FAX: (330) 672-2194
E-mail: [email protected]

There are many of us out here trying to do the best we can for the second generation of kids we are raising..and no reflection on why it happened...

I posted it on a different board too, but it got sidetracked with personalities...hoping you'll share WITHOUT getting into other areas...

Just a Grannie in Michigan

 

[Bevv]

I have temporary custody of my 3, 5 and 8 year old grandkids. child protective services decided to remove them from my son-in-laws home (my daughter is not in residence) a few weeks ago after several complaints including the youngest one getting into her father's blood pressure medicine and being placed in the hospital for a few days.

The current custody agreement is for 60 days. My husband, who has never had kids and is 49, has had a hard time dealing with the invasion of the peace and quiet of the house. He is wonderfully supportive but at this time is only willing to commit to the 60 days. There are other relatives of my son-in-law who are willing to take the kids if it becomes a long term project.

Until I got the surprise custody of the kids, I was working full time. We decided the best thing for them was for me to take a two month leave of absence to be sure I could do the best for them while we have them. Timothy, the middle one, is behind in reading and writing (anyone got any phonics tips?) Jacob has the mentality that if it takes effort, it is not worth doing. Tabatha (youngest) is a three year old bundle of giggles and cuddles. My husband calls her the lap stealer. She has a problem in dealing with males, perfers any female to even her father.

All are great kids but need a lot of praise, hugs, attention, focusing and corrections. Mom abandoned them and has not seen them since the first part of the year. Dad is ... well.. I don't like dad at all so hard to be fair with this.. but Dad is very self centered and has the mindset that his opinion is the only correct one.

Due to a series of situations, I have had minimal contact with the kids untill a month or so ago when I found out that CPS was investigating. At that point I began going to see the kids at school and checking things out. CPS turned over custody of the kids two weeks ago tomorrow.

We do what we can with what we have. Adding three to the house is not going to wreck the budget, BUT it is causing a lot of mental strain to my husband. He does not sleep well anyway and the little noises in the night keep him awake. Add getting Tabatha as she was recovering from the hospital stay, a few days later Timothy comes down with a 103.8 fever and an ear infection.... he is clearing up.. and Jacob had about 103 for a day. Plus the middle kid is a WHINER.. working hard on that one.

Being a parent (or guardian) at any age is a challenge. I salute all you committed granparents who are going at this for the long term.

 

[Dewdrop]

My Dh and I have custody of his granddaughter. She is 13 now, and she came to live with us when she was 10. Even though she is Dh's granddaughter and my step-granddaughter, he has more problems dealing with her being here. I attribute this to our age differences. Dh is 61 and I am 45.

Dh and I never had children together, so we were used to being alone in the house. We have, and continue to experience some of the frustrations that Bevv mentioned. We sometimes resent the invasion in our lives, but we are coping with it better and better as time passes.

We truly believe that God brought her to us for a purpose, and that is what keeps us going.

Fortunately, Dgd is a really good kid. She is, for the most part, obedient and respectful. Of course, she has her days!

For the past three years, I have been working. I am a teacher and even had Dgd in one class a day at school. After tomorrow, I will be a SAHgM, and I can't wait. I think that I will have more patience with Dgd at home since I will not be dealing with teens at school also. This will also give Dh and I more time together.

This whole thing has not been easy, but it has been worth it. We know that we cannot send her back to her home situation, so we continue to pray for wisdom and strength daily.

I may check into the info that Viv posted about that study. Sounds interesting. Thanks, Viv.