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Have you ever met someone that you just couldn't get along with no matter how much you tried?

Did you ever wonder what it was about them that really bothered you?

Many times we become upset with other people because they are displaying some type of behavior that we don't like about ourselves. What makes this tricky is it usually happens on a subconscious level,this is called mirroring.

The type of mirroring we're talking about is different than the type used by Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioners to communicate more effectively. In NLP the practitioner mirrors what the other person is doing (i.e. movements, postures, etc.) so that the other person perceives the practitioner as more like themselves which helps to build relationships more quickly.

Think about a pet-peeve you have that someone you know does. Now ask yourself if you ever do this. If you've done this, has it bothered you? If you're like most of us you can answer "yes" to both questions. And that's OK. Just recognizing this will give us an insight into why we react the way we do to others' "annoying" habits. :eek:)

My pet peeve was when my friend was late for appointments. This used to get me so irritated even though she always had a reason for being late. I couldn't figure out why it bothered me. It really didn't affect me except maybe we had to start our activity a little late.

I finally realized the reason it irritated me so much... One evening I was telling her how I walked into a meeting late because...(enter any excuse here). ;o)

I told her how embarrassed I was because I had missed an important part of the meeting. It was at this time that I realized that I was the one who had an issue with being late not her. I had been doing too much. It was getting to the point where I was late at least one time a day and this made me uncomfortable and mad at myself because I was being irresponsible.

Once I realized that it was my issue and not my friends, I was more relaxed. All I did was make sure that I brought a book or something with me to do while I waited for her to show up. By noticing this behavior was mine, not hers, I stopped judging her, and started working on my own "stuff". I also cleared my schedule so that being late stopped being an issue for me.

Another benefit to putting the focus back on ourselves, is that we will stop trying to change others. The only behaviors we can change are our own.

Now I am not saying that every pet-peeve that annoys you is something you do, just be aware of the possibility. By discovering what is really bothering us, we can take actions that will make us happier in the long run.

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