[Luv2BeFrugal]

I'm hoping to get some input on what I'm going to deem, 'the need for an attitude adjustment'.

The winters up here (Alaska) have been REALLY getting to me the last few years...this last winter we had a record snowfall (yes, a record snowfall - in Alaska!! Bleh!). The winters are dark, long, and bitter cold. The summers used to be pretty fantastic...high 60's/low 70's, sunny, etc. The last 4 have been cool (high 50's) and it looks like we're going on "crappy summer #5"...to the extent that nighttime temps are forcing us to turn the furnace off/on depending on the weather...in JUNE! It's gray and gloomy...overcast, drizzly, damp...BLEH!!! I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier that my mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in October and I'm still feeling that...

I've wanted to move to the lower 48 since about '02...yes, a decade of waiting! Needless to say, I'm getting pretty burnt out on this weather/climate, the ridiculous cost of living, the physical toll (I have old injuries that scream when it reaches anything below about 20*...which is at least 3 months of the year), etc.

That said...I know a positive attitude/outlook on things can make ALL the difference. And, I try really hard to do that! Dh says that after I graduate we can move (I went back to school part-time a few years back and am continuing at that pace). (He's said that before, so I'm not holding my breath). I'm trying to stay focused on doing well in college, at work, keeping a nice home, etc. But, it still feels like that 'hope of moving' is still pretty far away...and there's that "what if we don't" lurking in the back of my mind, too.

All that to say... I was hoping that there would be some help/guidance out there in the village about living in a place you can't stand...maintaining a positive attitude, etc. Would surely appreciate someone helping me re-adjust my atitude to get through these next few years...

Here are the highs/lows:

We have a lot of debt (we've been working on paying it off, but it's a LOT...slow going). It's well managed and we have excellent credit and an EF. It's mostly student loans from Dh's time in college and part of mine...not taking any more, working on them while trying to pay cash as I go for the rest.

Dh works at a big firm up here and sees people who live 'high on the hog' daily...which makes it hard to not get your perceptions of your own home life a little 'off'... He wants to spend on things much more than he used to...which makes it hard, since we don't have a lot of 'extra'. We have the elbow room to save up for special things while still keeping current on bills and making a little headway...so, I don't want to sound like a big whiner.

We live in a teeny space - a studio MIL apartment (rent up here is insane!). Need to stay put until I graduate. Very little privacy, but at least it's in a nice neighborhood.

Weather is AWFUL. AWFUL. I love sunshine and warmth!!

We have lots of loving friends here! We keep planning stuff with friends - which is good, as it makes life 'liveable', but the costs add up fast. Everything here costs a small fortune (or so it feels). We live in a shoebox, so having company really isn't an option. We try to do "evenings in" with friends (at their place, when invited) whenever we can, but even that can add up.

Though I don't like this college one iota (about 50% crappy teachers; really horrible administration), I still feel fortunate that I get to go to college at all!

Dh is stressed out constantly from his work. Hoping he'll find a different job soon...he's starting to look to see what's available here. Our economy has really held pretty well. We don't seem to be hit nearly as hard as everywhere else (so, that's another good point!).

Our Goddaughters live up here...unfortunately it's a 3.5 hour drive one way...plus expensive motels (you wouldn't think a crappy fishing motel would run nearly $100/night - off season!). I really wanna go see them!

Ugh... I dunno. I just know I need to keep this hectic pace (college, work, homemaker, take care of elderly parent) for at least 2.5 more years and I'm feeling worn out and bleh. I've thought about affirmations... What else can I do (that takes little time and money)? Input? TIA...

 

[Spirit Deer]

Exercise can be a good stress reliever. Can you and your husband walk or bike around your neighborhood or town each evening?

Have you priced housing where you might want to live? Every realtor everywhere is online now, and Google Earth can give you an idea of the neighborhood a property is in. I know it's expensive there, but if you're wanting to move to another expensive area, it might not help your finances all that much. You can also compare prices by looking at grocery fliers and other ads online and see how things compare.

OTOH, if you find things WOULD be much cheaper elsewhere, maybe it would make more sense to move now. Why do you have to finish college there if it's a crappy college? You could research which of your credits would transfer to some other college, and that will probably vary.

As far as being stuck there, if you really are, then you do need an attitude adjustment, and I mean that in the kindest way. :hug2: If you don't have any other choice about it, then all you can do is make the best of that and that really does start with a change in outlook, and the first step in that, IMO, is self-talk. Remind yourself what you have, not what you don't. Focus on the positive. Make a written list of the positives if you have to, and stick it up on the bathroom mirror or somewhere else you will see it often. Get in the habit of, whenever you have a negative thought, counter it immediately with a positive one. Such as "I really hate the weather here. But I have wonderful friends."

Share your thoughts with your husband, if you haven't. A burden shared is a burden lightened.

Your grief over your mom's death is still fresh and raw, and I know you've had a lot of responsibilities in helping to settle her estate and also care for your dad. See if there is a grief support group nearby. People will have ideas for you there, and also a safe place to express your emotions about your loss and the consequences that have resulted. It's possible you're upset about her death still, and it's coming out as dissatisfaction about your living situation, at least in part.

Can you set a definite date to start the proceedings to move? Discuss it with your husband and see if he's willing to agree to a deadline. Then start researching. Two and a half years seems like forever, I know, but for a move of that magnitude, that's not really much time at all with all there is to consider. If you can't nail down a date, at least the dialog is started for trying to come up with one. Once you do have a date, then you can work towards that goal financially and with research, which should help lift your spirits especially when cabin fever sets in during the winter.

Hang in there. Just take things a day at a time.

 

[Spirit Deer]

Double post. You don't need to read it twice.

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Thanks, Spirit Deer!

I tried running the "let's move now (as Dh doesn't like his job) and I'll finish college down there, after gaining residency in the state" past Dh. He was definitely against it. I know it would delay me graduating, even if just by the year (usually it's a year) to gain residency in a new place (out of state tuition is WAY out of reach). And, though we have an EF, we don't have a moving fund established, yet. We're planning to put one in place mid next year - which will be more than enough time to save to cover full moving and re-establishing a home costs before I graduate.

We've started looking into the cost of living, etc. in the places we're both interested in... Seattle (similar cost of living, but I'd be out of college and working, so we'd have it better at that point). Dallas/Fort Worth (MUCH lower cost of living). Vegas (poor economy right now, but still much lower cost of living). Indianapolis (MUCH lower cost of living, even with the higher taxes). Minneapolis (lower cost of living, but not hugely...plus higher taxes - probably more of a 'break even' in the difference).

I really *am* stuck here for the time being. I accept that. I couldn't leave my dad at this point, anyway...he does know we plan to move and he's starting to sort/clean/organize to that end (he would move to his house in California and sell the one here, if we weren't here to help him...he prefers it here, though). So, that part of life is also 'shifting'.

I guess that's it... I need to adjust my outlook. I'm trying to do things like you said, "I really hate the weather here. But I have wonderful friends.".

I've been doing that type thing for the last couple years... "We live in a shoebox and I have no privacy!! BUT, it's in a good, safe neighborhood and we can afford it while I attend college". "My college makes me want to scream! BUT, at least I'll have a degree and education that will get me a GOOD job down the line".

I guess I'm just really 'feeling' the time...I've felt 'stuck' for so long. Like, I reeeeeeeeeeally want to go see our Goddaughters. But, is it right/wrong/okay/bad to spend the money to go see them? It would be, at least, $300 for a short (3 day/2 night) visit. I just feel like we're so close, but it costs so much. If we were 4000 miles away, I wouldn't even dream of it. But, that's the kind of thing that's "getting to me". I know we should put that money towards an extra payment...or my tuition/books for the fall.

We just skipped a family birthday get-together because it was held at a restaurant that would have run us $50 for dinner (it was 'dutch treat') plus a birthday gift. With only a week's notice... We'd already spent our "eating out budget" for the time being. So, we *are* trying to behave...just is hard not to be frustrated at the whole situation sometimes.

And, don't get me wrong...I know how fortunate I am and I do appreciate it. I have a safe place to live, plenty to eat, can go to the doctor in a pinch, and have many people who love me. It's just hard to deal with a lot of the other 'yuck'.

On the mom side of things... I've finished the sorting...taking the last box to the post office today to mail...and just have a couple small tubs of old papers/letters left to read through/sort. So, mega progress there... Now, if I could just bring her back...

Our "definite date" for moving is the month after my graduation date (12/14)... So, 1/15. But, that's dependent on my passing every class the first time (there are 2 classes that are notorious for over half of all students having to repeat, at least once!) and on the classes I need being available when I need them (I've met with an advisor and it should be fine, as far as timing).

I just need some 'coping mechanisms' for the cramped quarters, crappy winters/weather, and awful cost of living, in the mean time... ><

 

[Spirit Deer]

Have you pared your possessions down to bare minimum? The less clutter in your small space, the less stress. Also less to pay to move when the time does come.

Interesting you've found Minneapolis about the same cost as living in Alaska. I always assumed Alaska would be a lot more expensive.

So you know you can't move now. That's a valuable piece of information! Good for you for being able to realistically assess your situation. A lot of people can't do that. So that's another positive in your life.

Could your goddaughers' family meet you halfway? Do you have or could you borrow a van you could sleep in to avoid paying for a hotel? Do you camp or could you rent or borrow camping gear for the same reason? It sounds to me like you really do need to see these people if there's any way you can manage it.

Along with places you are interested in living, start researching areas with the lowest unemployment rates and the types of jobs available in those places, also cost of living and all that. You may find a place you hadn't thought of yet that would fit your needs. Check out the 'most desirable places to live lists' and stuff like that. You can find lists based on all kinds of criteria.

Also consider weather. For example, we know we can't tolerate extreme heat, especially if coupled with humidity. Therefore, we were able to eliminate the entire southern tier when considering where we want to retire. Are bad storms going to bother you? Unrelenting wind? Etc. Every place has something, but some places are safer than others, meteorologically speaking.

I know you're stressed right now, but it seems like you're much more in control of your situation than you might feel you are. And you do have a plan, and at least a tentative date. Take some comfort in all that. I think, all things considered, you're doing pretty well!

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Oh yes! I've been paring down belongings like crazy!! Especially, after seeing how easy it is to accumulate a LOT (after sorting through/handling all my Gramma and mom's things!!). I'm a minimalist of sorts, by nature, but this experience actually had me paring down even further!! To the extent one of my friends asked me if I was trying to make a statement. LOL

Well, outskirts of Minneapolis/St. Paul...specifically Eden Prairie. We really like that area. And, I was saying between the high taxes (income, etc.) of Minnesota, plus the city taxes added on top...it would get close to Anchorage. And, until you get there and really feel the prices of things personally, it's hard to judge - I'm ballparking based off the data we could find online.

We'll both be accountants at that point...me a newbie (BBA degree) and Dh a CPA. So, would be looking in that field. Neither of us want the 100% (or near) humidity levels...so the Southeast U.S. is out for us. We can handle up to the DFW type weather (triple digits, at worst...plus 80% or so humidity)...also, considering San Antonio. At the other end of the spectrum, we're both okay with a short (to us) winter...like Minnesota. We've both had it with 5-7 month long winters!! We actually both think heavy rainstorms and such are COOL!! Not so big on tornados, but as long as there's a shelter of some sort, it's fine. We're used to earthquakes and snowstorms...we're fairly hearty.

I've looked at some of the "best places to live" lists. As far as accounting...you can work that field pretty much anywhere. I have a big aviation background, so thought accounting for an airline could be pretty neat.

Goddaughters... Halfway, there isn't anything but a few campgrounds and a lot of 'wild Alaska'. And, camping up here isn't exactly cheap...campgrounds are $20 & up/night in most cases (no showers, only outhouses, running water pumped by hand if you're lucky, and mosquitoes the size of small birds). No one to borrow a van from...and renting a camper would be WAY more than the motel (especially with the gas costs added in). We thought about setting up a tent (borrowed) in their backyard a few years back, but they get bears in their backyard quite often and it's just not worth the risk/danger. We might hit one of the time frames that the bears don't come through...and might not... Bears and tents don't mix. The motel I'm talking about is also the best deal I could find. Was about $95/night including taxes.

 

[Spirit Deer]

Well, shoot, I'm at a loss for ideas about visiting on the cheap and will just say you may need to just bite the bullet and go, if it won't hurt you too badly financially. It sounds like it would do wonders for your mental health.

Eden Prairie is a high-buck area. The southern suburbs all are. Check out the northern suburbs and compare some of the housing in the two areas. I think you'll find more bang for your buck if you could live north of Minneapolis rather than south.

There isn't enough money in the world for us to live in DFW. Our daughter lives there so we notice the weather. It seems like they get a lot of storms, including ice storms in winter which we'd hate. Give us a straight blizzard any time rather than ice. And the summers, for us anyway, would be just unbearable. We have friends in Houston and New Braunfels too, and they all say how bad the summers there are, and they are native Texans and/or people who really love Texas. But as I said, every place has something.

No denying our income tax is high here, but so is our quality of life and the two usually go hand in hand. We're usually in the top five on just about any list dealing with quality of life. Too bad you can't get your degree here, as our public education system is one of the best in the country. And we can camp with OUR bears!

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Goddaughter's family moved from here nearly 4 years ago...we used to go to church with them every weekend and spend other time with them every week, too. We keep in touch regularly via phone, e-mail, facebook. We've only gotten to see them maybe a half dozen times since they left (one was at mom's memorial service). The oldest will be 10 this year! I just miss them...it's hard.

Sorry to whine...

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Will look into the northern suburbs! Thanks for the tip!

Yeah, Houston area is MUCH more humid than Dallas. I have a lot of family in Oklahoma and Texas (visited there quite often, all seasons). We're thinking...LOTS of job opportunities, country concerts for me, Gamer-events for Dh, water parks, etc.

We actually have no state income tax here...or city/muni (no counties here). And, no sales tax in Anchorage. So, from that angle it's great. Unfortunately, homes are crazy expensive and the taxes on that are HIGH. My dad's property taxes come to a little over $500/month!!!!!!! It's a nice home, but it's not massive or new or anything (~2100 sq ft).

Heck, I'd like to move from here just to get away from the crime!!

 

[Spirit Deer]

Haha! Yeah, no crime in DFW or Minneapolis! You can't get away from it anywhere.

It sounds like Dallas might be a good fit for you due to family being there and being familiar with the area, too, plus the activities both of you would like. Those are important considerations, too.

Real estate taxes are high here, too. And they've just eliminated the homestead tax credit that kept our real estate taxes in check, so when that change kicks in it's not going to be pretty. Our taxes are high on our house, but we're on a lake and the state thinks anyone who can live on a lake must be rich. I wish!

Minnesota does not tax food or clothing though, so that's something at least. I'm of the opinion it doesn't much matter what label states put on taxes, they collect the money one way or the other. It's really hard to compare taxes from state to state because of the variations. Like when we lived in South Dakota, we did not pay personal income tax but our real estate taxes more than made up for it, plus they taxed food and clothing. We didn't save any money over living in Minnesota, and the government services like road maintenance and schools weren't as good. So I dunno.

Personally, we're strongly considering Wyoming for a retirement destination. I'm not convinced living in Wyoming would be cheaper for us in the long run, but we have a few years yet to research.

Have you considered living outstate and not near a metro area? Cost of living is usually considerably lower, and if you can get jobs with big businesses, you can make good wages.

 

[Hamada]

The only thing I would suggest is PLANTS!!! Do you have any plants inside? Even if you have low light you may be able to find something. Even just a pot of grass (legal kind lol) that you can run your fingers through. I was getting buggy at the end of February and thru March. But I knew there was going to be warm weather, flowers, and green grass just around the corner. Sounds like you need help to destress, try to get some type of exercise in each day, do you have a light therapy lamp, maybe listening to relaxing nature sounds might help - ton on youtube to watch or listen.

Yes, attitude is important but you need some sun and warmth!!! Make sure to get in the sun even if it is cold out just for a couple of minutes whenever you can. Pull out the summer clothes and put them on. So you might need a sweater over it and maybe some leggings but it might help lift your mood.

It does sound like you have a plan regarding moving. Until then the waiting can be very difficult. Does you college have a pool you could swim in? Any chance you could video chat with the goddaughters?

Hang in there. Hope you get some relief soon. Take care of yourself.

 

[Spirit Deer]

Ooooo, Shoiji, good points all!

Totally agree with the lights. We keep AeroGardens running all winter and it makes a HUGE difference. They're expensive but so worth it for us when the days are short and dreary.
AeroGarden | Shop & Save on AeroGardens, Seed Kits, Grow Bulbs | AeroGrow Official Store Indoor Garden, Seed Kit, Grow Light
Even a small AG makes a difference. We have three big gardens and grow tomatoes and other produce in them. It's not a money-saving proposition by any means, but we feel the mental health benefits of the bright, full-spectrum lights are well worth it. Having green, growing things in the dead of winter is priceless.

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Those lights sound nice!! So does having a little garden (though I haven't a clue where we'd put it!! LOL). Wowsers! They want 39.95 just to ship the littlest one to me!! I wonder what kind of power they use? It would be neat if the little one grew veggies... Our electric is 13.66 cents/kwh...ouch. Wonder how that would work out cost wise?

Anyhoo... I have 3 plants in our place. And, we don't have those neat lights like you're talking about, but our bulbs are full spectrum...better than nothing!

I have a gym membership. It's just Planet Fitness, so nothing fancy, but it gets the job done! And it's only one mile from our place and on the way home from everything we do...so, that's nice, too! I've only had it for about 2 months, but am enjoying it!

Our college does have a pool, but I don't get in the water much. I have an old injury to my leg that kinda "pulls apart" at the knee joint with the pressures of the water. I do sometimes go and sit in the bleachers for the pool because it's so warm/humid in there...I call it "visiting Hawaii". One of my favorite 'hideouts' during the winter!

Spirit Deer...yeah, I know there's crime everywhere...Anchorage is actually VERY bad.

Anchorage, Alaska - John Giuffo - Forbes
I completely avoid some areas of town...and only go to other areas that are a higher risk if it's daylight or my Dh is with me.

10 US Cities Most Dangerous for Women - Saginaw, Michigan, and Anchorage, Alaska top Forbes' list
See #2...and #3 (next biggest city here).

Keep in mind Anchorage is just a few hundred-thousand people... Just a few days ago a young woman was raped, in broad daylight, at the park downtown where there are usually lots of families and tourists (both her and the guy were high as kites). There is a REALLY big problem with drugs here...meth is the worst issue, but there are so many. Also, a lot of gang issues. We rent in a very nice neighborhood (so we'll be safe). In the last year our car was broken into sitting in our driveway...the neighbors across the street (small, quiet neighborhood) had their car broken into (and one stolen the year before). A couple months back a man was murdered about a block and a half from here... And this is the GOOD area (think million dollar homes). Now, for a little more frame of reference...Dh and I could swing a condo, if we really pushed for it - middle of the road pricing for here. Condo area...not nice houses. Totally different neighborhood...totally. We're actually way ahead to rent our 'shoebox' home...in a variety of ways. I just want to live somewhere that is at least somewhat safe and still affordable. Not looking for perfect...just somewhere I don't have to be paranoid.

 

[Spirit Deer]

Yeah, I can see where Anchorage would be big enough to be scary. Duluth is only about 90,000 and there are places I won't go alone there either.

That's another must-have for us at retirement. We don't want to move to a town bigger than 30,000 people. We don't want to be old, possibly alone, and living in fear. That's no life.

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

The size isn't really my concern...I actually love big cities! Just would like to find one with slightly less crime...is that possible? Surely...somewhere out there...??

 

[peanut]

What you need is to take some time to nurture yourself. Make a list of things of your favourite things, and you'd like to do that enliven and recharge you, and then figure out how to do them in Anchorage frugally.

If you cook from scratch can you save up some grocery money for a few things to do home manicures/pedicures/facials? Is there a library with free programs there? Can you borrow trashy magazines/books for a sumptuous night in with your favourite mug of something, lounging in your pjs? Maybe what you need is to find a place like a library to act as an extension to your home?

Nurturing ourselves is a lost art in the modern world. It takes some doing to think of things to do, and then to just DO THEM! We move so fast now it's hard to slow down.

Now I'm not saying to do this all the time. But maybe once a week you need to just take some down time, even if it's just one evening, to relax and pamper yourself.

When I moved here to the prairies from Calgary I had to undergo serious attitude readjustment. It was hard. Especially after one of the neighbors came to my door and asked/demanded "Why don't you go back where you came from?!" My retort? "I'd love to!" Not a great start to our living here. Her reaction stemmed from an incident where she told us what we could and couldn't do with our raspberry canes bordering the alley ("They are a community patch and you can't remove them, but you have to take care of them", etc., etc.). Some people just make your life miserable.

My modus operandi became "Bloom where you're planted". Every day I woke up I listed 3 different things I was grateful for. And I thanked God for them. I kept a record of them.

sI realized that I needed to find a group of people to fit in with. When I didn't find it (unlike you...count your blessings), I went online and kept contact with family and friends across Canada.

The winters where I live are horrid too. Every winter we plan a week or two escape someplace warmer. Usually to visit family in Vancouver or Halifax.

Another option I've used is to take online classes in winter to have something to do that cuts down on the isolation, but is good for my brain. Every winter I determine to learn/do something new. One winter it was a design course online. One it was to learn encrusted embroidery online. This winter was a new approach to rug hooking. Keeping my hands busy makes me happy.

I also made sure I volunteered somewhere, whether I liked it or not, just to get out. You don't have time for that. But my experience has been if I give a bit of myself, I feel better about where I am in life. Even if it's just a one time a year thing like gift wrapping at the mall at Christmas time for the hospital auxiliary.

The other thing to do is more practical...take vitamin D3 for mild depression. The fact is you are without daylight for so long up there, you might need a little boost. My sis, a doctor, says 2000-4000 IUs a day is normally recommended for people living in the Maritimes, where it's often overcast.

Hope something in this post helps. I have no idea what to say about seeing your goddaughters. Maybe Skype them instead? Or send cards, letters, cookies, etc. by snail mail?

 

[NikoSan999]

Goddaughter's family moved from here nearly 4 years ago...we used to go to church with them every weekend and spend other time with them every week, too. We keep in touch regularly via phone, e-mail, facebook. We've only gotten to see them maybe a half dozen times since they left (one was at mom's memorial service). The oldest will be 10 this year! I just miss them...it's hard.

Sorry to whine...

You have a computer...do you have unlimited internet? Why not download Skype and visit face to face as often as you like. Just a thought. When my son was in Afghanistan we did this. Also done this with daughter in Tennessee. Skype itself is free. Just set up the account with email address and name. I would think it would have to help.

As I was typing and hit enter I see Peanut had the same thought...

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Thanks, Peanut!! You're obviously a fellow harsh-winter-sufferer! Hugs!
I actually take D3 every day, year round...it's not like the summers here are much more sunny than the winters!

I used to looooooove hanging out at our library... I still go, but I just go in, get the books I want and leave. I LOVE to read! Unfortunately, it's become a popular hang out for bums (becoming a safety issue). Which is hugely sad to not feel okay hanging out at the library. I'm not alone in the choice, though...or the disappointment.

Free time... Yeah...I *rarely* get that. I realized I didn't have any and had become so used to a ridiculously over-scheduled life when I reached a point in early May where I'd finished my finals, the bulk of the sorting (mom/gramma stuff) was pretty much taken care of...and my home was totally clean. I was in this "GO, GO, GO - WHAT DO I DO NEXT?!" mode...and hadn't a clue how to slow down!! Life is still pretty crazy, but we've started whittling back on the obligations and I'm a bit more calm.

Dh found a Groupon for 4 guitar lessons for $59 (I'd been saving my fun money allowance, with no clue what to spend it on, since January) and we snatched it up! Excellent use of fun money! It's something I'd wanted to do for ages!!! I'd bought a guitar (fun money!) last year, but never took lessons...just taught myself a few chords using youtube. So, I have 3 more lessons (It's a LOT more to take lessons once the groupon is used up, so just soaking this up!). I'm hoping I can barter with a friend that plays guitar a bit for some more lessons down the line, but in the mean time I'll know enough to play some songs...and know how to teach myself a bit more from what I'll pick up in these lessons. LOVE it!! So, that's my "me time" nowadays...along with knitting when I can scrape together 15 minutes here and there. I am enjoying the down time!

I hadn't thought of Skyping with the girls! I bet they'd get a kick out of that! I'll have to ask if they'd all be up for that! Great idea! I send them postcards (they think it's neat to get something in the mail with their name on it) and notes (tucking in silly bands, gum, stickers). That's a hit...but, it doesn't even come close to seeing their little faces light up or getting hugs! I'm gonna see if Dh would be up for setting up a "visit the Goddaughters" fund. Maybe put in $5/week or something... We budget to eat out one time per week...maybe if we skip that from time to time, it could go in the VTG fund?

 

[craftypam]

Sorry you are having such a rough time. I live in MI and our winters are sometimes too long for me. Its hard really disliking whats going on in your life on a daily basis. Is there a way to speed up your education? Why is it that dh doesn't want to move now when he is so unhappy in his job? I don't know all the details, but that seems like it would be a good time. What will happen if he finds a job he really likes; will he want to move at all?
On another part of your first post; we struggled getting things paid off for years and how wonderful and freeing it is to have very little debt. Tell dh it is soooooo worth it in the long run. A note for you too!! Living in the small place might be awful now, but it will allow you to pay off more debt and be in a better position when you do move. Hope you are feeling better just by people in here trying to help you. Keep us informed and smile about all the wonderful things in your life and so very sorry about losing your mom unexpectedly; the hardest way to lose someone.
Pam

 

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Hi CP... Yeah, losing mom so suddenly was horrid. She and my dad were traveling, so they weren't even up here. The last time I saw her was when I dropped them at the airport. I'm thankful I got to have a nice, long chat with her the night before she died. It's odd because I was swamped in homework and almost didn't take the time (I normally would've just chatted for 5 min and pressed on). So, if it had to happen, the only thing that would have been better would've been if they were at home. I miss her like crazy...

The only way to speed up my education would mean me not working (in order to have enough time to take classes and do the assignments - the load is heavy to be do-able at this pace with work). It would only cut a semester off (due to pre-requisites of classes - I've already got it crammed in pretty well) and we'd have to add all the rest of my tuition/fees/books to our debt instead of paying as we go. It will be worth it to not have more debt added...and pay things off at the same time.

I don't know what will happen if he finds a job he really likes and ends up not wanting to move. I guess, if that happened we would both be working, so at least we could afford to see the Goddaughters often and travel, too.

Yes! Our teeny home is definitely making a big difference in our funds! The difference is us being able to make an EXTRA payment, EVERY month!! If we lived pretty much anywhere else, we'd just be making minimum payments on everything until I graduate!! Totally worth it! It would just be nice to have a little privacy from time to time... We're thinking of making a once-a-week, each have the place to ourself time. Just a few hours...but, 'alone time'.

We can't move now even with the sucky job/school situation because we don't have the funds to move. Even if Dh had a job lined up somewhere else and I looked after arriving we don't have the cash to get there. It's so very expensive to move that far. If we shipped the cheapest way possible, minimal things, and drove one car down (keep in mind it's abuot a 5 day drive from Anchorage, through Canada, to Seattle) that's still in the $3000 range. PLUS, settnig up an apartment (deposit, first month's rent, mattress!!, etc.). Plus enough cash to pay bills for 4-6 weeks (waiting for first paycheck). We're thinking we'll need to have about $7000 banked (on top of our EF - not touchin' that!) for a smooth, minimal move...to cover everything. =( Just not an option right now...