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I'm just kind of numb....I realized today that my twins have not been completely honest with me when it comes to their math lessons and have not been really learning the material. They mainly work on their own and have even shown me their work, but now I find out that there has been some fudging along the way. So....it's back to the beginning of the book and start all over again for us. They were more afraid of "failing" and having people think they were stupid than anything. I feel horrible that they felt like that. Learning comes easy to both of them in most subjects and I think when faced with a challenge, they just kind of froze and were smart enough to figure a way around it. I also now know that I am going to have to give them weekly tests to see how they are coming along. Josh is out doing his math now and Jaysn will be tutoring him. Chris is off fishing with Uncle Bob, but that will not be happening again on a school day due to this new twist. The tutoring will be good for Jaysn who really did struggle but then mastered this. It will help him to review for his CLEPS and PSATs.

Josh told me that he didn't want to disappoint me and I told him that I was so hurt for them(him and his brother). I said that living a lie is one of the hardest things to do and it spills over into other areas. I knew in my heart something was not right and that I'm glad it is out in the open so we can deal with it. I did call my hubby at work and asked him to pray about this and decide what we should do in addition to making them redo the entire book. I asked him to remain calm and I will too. I think that is what is freaking Josh out more than anything....I'm being very calm and that is not what he expected. I guess I'm just feeling like I have somehow let my kids down if they feel they cannot come to me with something like this. We've always been so open about everything and I do hold a high standard for academics. I've always told them that it is more important to master something and take some extra time if you need to than to rush through it and be lost. :cry:

I guess our summer plans just got changed big time. I had thought about letting the boys stay with my parents at the lake for a couple of weeks without me (that would put them there for about a month) but it's not going to fly now. Luckily I had not said anything to themor my parents about it yet. They will still be going up with me and spending thime there, but they will also be spending time each day doing some math too. I'm just really disappointed in myself for not knowing what was going on this whole time.
 

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Try not to take it so hard Debbie. Atleast you know now and you can all work it out. You didn't let your boys down. I will also say a prayer for your family. Big Hugs Hon.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for the hugs and prayers. I am in desperate need of them right now. My heart is just so heavy...I love these kids so much and want the best for them you know.
 

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Tina Bob
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Hugs Debbie

I need to make this quick because I've got to run but I wanted to reply and let you know you are not alone in this.

I had that problem with my oldest ds, not once but twice and recently I found out ds#2 had not been doing his physics like he should have. I had asked him about it but he lied to my face. I know it's so hard to keep on top of everything; your housework, church, and their school work etc.

I know how disappointed you are, I've been there. Hang on; tomorrow will be better. Your boys are wonderful young men and they will learn a lot from this too. You are a wonderful mom and teacher too; don't beat yourself up.

I better run. I'll check in here latter.
 

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Also a quick check in, Debbie, we had some problems like this too, can't remember which kid with home schooling stuff, maybe both, but call it God's little unit study in honesty.

You are being terrific parents in this, staying calm, helping the boys thru this, making sure they take responsibility for their choices (boundaries again) and that there are no shortcuts.

It'll help them cope with staying honest and making tough choices later when the easy way out appears to present itself.

You are doing fine.

I've always figured that when they learn something, even if it takes longer, if it sticks, that is what counts. Somebody else's schedule may look quicker, but in the end if the math isn't firmly glued into the brain, it was a waste of time to go quicker.

This way, you get the little unit on honesty which EVERY kid needs to learn at some point, both mine did, several times over in fact if memory serves and not just with home school stuff,

and you get to back up and really run thru the math (which gives them another crack at it, practice makes perfect!)

and your son who is studying for the entrance exams, he gets to tutor a bit, and that helps him too as you pointed out.

Now if you'd been on their cases, keeping up like you seem to think you had time for --:toothy:

well, lets just dolly up and take a really close look at that for a moment here

if you'd kept on their behinds, what would they have learnt? Where would the true learning happen?

Our kids NEEED opportunities to fail and mess up at home where it's safe, in order to mature and grow up as decent persons with a firm moral code.

Otherwise they bust loose from mum, and go make all those mistakes in the first couple of years and it doesnt' do them or mum much good in the nerves dept.

Think of it this way-- you just got their souls in for a little preventative maintenance. Heaven's idea of a lube and oil change.

HUGS and love
M
 

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Discussion Starter #6
:grouphug: everyone! You are really making me feel better about all of this!
 

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Debbie, first off lots of :hug2:

I love what Margery said here:

Our kids NEEED opportunities to fail and mess up at home where it's safe, in order to mature and grow up as decent persons with a firm moral code.
She is so right. Those boys will learn from this and because of it, will learn its much wiser to be honest than not. They'll see the consequences of their actions and think twice before they do this again.

I agree, tomorrow will be better.
 

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I can't add to any of the replies the other ladies added, I haven't yet been there.

but I can offer hugs and prayers. :hugz:
 

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Discussion Starter #10
:hug2: Yes you are a terrific mom, Debbie.:heartsm: Don't discourage yourself...you have great advice and support here. I'll be praying for you. :)
 

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I was about to cut and paste the same margery quote that CJ did. It's a great line, Margery, and one that all parents should remember. Debbie, you're a great mum and role model to those boys and you should all take this "glitch" in their math as an opportunity to learn something about how to cope with failure, how to recover from failure and how make responsible and moral decisions. And as margery said, to learn that WITH you and FROM you, and not later in life, is a great thing.

Those boys remind me so much of my own sons in their ways of living and their interests and I know they will grow to be fine young men just like my sons have. You have laid a foundation stone in those boys that is firm and something like this will not undermine that strong foundation, it will just make it stronger.

Love and :hugz:

PS: when my kids were younger and they got caught out on something, their horror at being caught was more for what I would think of them rather than any punishment they might get.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
ditto all the above - especially all the hugs!
 

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Thank you all for your love, advice, prayers and support. :grouphug: DH and I talked it over and decided that since this is not the first time the twins have done this (they pulled a similar stunt about 4 years ago, just more sophisticated this time), we have got to come down a bit harder this time. They will be redoing the entire book, start to finish so that they can learn the material. Jaysn will be tutoring them and they will be doing some of his chores as "payment" for the tutoring since he will have this to do plus his own math work. Jaysn really wants to help his brothers, so this is working out well. Josh and Chris are also grounded for a minimum of 1 month...no TV, video games, videos, friends, etc. Their live will consist of doing schoolwork, lots and lots of extra jobs around here, church, band practice and sleep. At the end of that month, we will re-evaluate and see if there have been major improvements in the honesty and integrity department. If not, it's another month. Both of the twins took this all really well and did not argue. I think they are still a bit freaked out that their Dad and I are being so calm about all of this (well, at least in front of them;) ).
 

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Dixie said:
:hug2: Debbie, I have no advice, but I think you're a terrific mom.
:hug2:
 

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Children! Your a great teacher and mom though, and I know your gonna break through this and all will come out on a good side!

Susie in MN
 

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:hugz: We've been through something similar with dd, so I know how you're feeling. I hope everything works out ok.
 

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Debbie...I think you and your dh are doing a great job with your sons. It's not easy...I think it's great that you both kept your calm---I notice it usually has a stronger effect on our kids when we are firm, but calm. Good luck and many :hug2: to both of you. :heartsm:
 

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Debbie, you are a great teacher and a terrific mom. (and your dh a great dad!) I am thinking of sending my kids to you so they can be as upstanding as your boys! ;)

Your boys messed up and made a bad choice. Margery is right. :hug2:

I only wish more parents were like you. I learn alot from you and hearing how you raise your boys. You, along with others here, help me keep from "messing up" my kids. I learn alot from the ways you all deal with your kids. My hat is off to you!

Love ya bunches Deb!
 
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